not my problem. - 𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐣𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐯

thirty four

JANGMI

SeoJun never came back to the hospital after he walked out of my room that day. I never asked him to return, either. I didn't have the courage to do so.  Despite his absence, I had a lot of visitors during the days I spent in the hospital; HeeGyeong dropped by, the rest of the BTS members came around sporadically, a few of my other friends too.

I'd eventually convinced TaeHyung to go home and rest the day before my discharge (even though he returned first thing in the morning). One person I hadn't been able to get to leave, however, was JooHeon.

I gave him the silent treatment for the first couple days but his persistence resulted in my agreeing to hear him out.

He explained his reasons for lying, and of course I didn't agree with what he done on any sort of level - but I did understand. For JooHeon and I forgiveness wasn't anywhere in the near future, but it was in the future... somewhere.

For now, both of us were fine living on those terms.

The same went for my mother. In her case, I understood a little more but I couldn't count the amount of times I'd asked her about my father on two hands. She hadn't outright lied - but in neglecting to tell me that JooHeon was my Abeoji she'd done something just as bad.

It had been arranged for me to go and pick up the things from SeoJun's house that hadn't yet been moved to my place today. HeeGyeong mentioned it was only a few miscellaneous items and that SeoJun and the movers had taken care of the heavy duty work since she figured it wouldn't be good for me to overexert myself right after leaving the hospital.

I hadn't expected the process to be as harrowing as it was, but going back to that house... it was unlike anything I can describe.

As I stepped through the door the memories came flooding in. I saw SeoJun and I sitting on the sofa watching dramas and eating Ramen - eating breakfast and lunch and dinner at the dining table and then cleaning up together in the kitchen; his tanned skin lying out in the pool and his smug smile when he caught me staring too long at his exposed upper body.

He wasn't here, and yet he followed me everywhere - even upstairs where I heard him directing me in the practice room, both cheering me on and pointing out my mistakes.

It was upon sighting and consequently packing my own clothes that I remembered the T-Shirt I had gifted him the day that his mother came over. I knew I shouldn't have been snooping in his room - but just as equally it wasn't something I wanted him to hold on to (if he hadn't thrown it out already).

I started by looking through his main wardrobe, but the results proved unsatisfactory and so I began looking through his dresser instead. Still nothing.

Eventually, as I last effort I tried my luck in the bedside table.

The t-shirt was in there... but it seemed that wasn't the only keepsake SeoJun had kept close.

I could barely believe what I found tucked away there....  Inside the draw were the mask and sunglasses that I'd worn the first day I began living in this place when we went on the shopping trip to the mall.

The day that we'd first kissed.

Sticking out under the shirt were also two sheets of paper. I moved the fabric aside to inspect them more closely; they were the movie tickets from when I'd taken him to the theatre to make up for standing him up and not coming home after we did our first press conference together.

He'd kept it all...

SeoJun had thrown me away as if I was as insignificant as a fly, but hadn't thrown away my things?