Failed Mission

Motherly Friend

Alyssa had her body shifted to the right as she leaned against the door frame of my bathroom, her arms crossed. Her chocolate brown eyes were narrowed at me as I stood in front of my large mirror with a curling iron, my hair wrapped around it. "I'm not leaving this bathroom until you tell me how the session with Dr Raynor went." She pressed, walking over to me slowly, sitting on the long counter, beside my left sink.

She was quite short, her feet dangling over the ledge, a few inches off of the floor. When I told her who my protector was, she kept demanding that I told her what happened in the session - probably so she could get the inside scoop of what trouble I might have caused.

"No." I replied stubbornly, before releasing my hair through the curling iron, letting the last curled strand fall to the side of my face. My head whipped towards hers and I saw the challenge dancing within her eyes. She wouldn't be letting this go until I spilled what happened in the session.

The two of us stared at each other challengingly, as we waited for one of us to give in. I would either spill my guts or she'd just get frustrated with me and walk off, not talking to me for the rest of the night.

The loser of this competition tonight was me, as I couldn't handle the deep stare she was giving me. I had enough off of that from James. "Fine!" I hissed, flicking the switch of my curling iron off, setting it down on the counter before storming out of the bathroom.

Alyssa giggled in excitement, knowing she had won and she followed me downstairs and into the kitchen where I was pouring myself a glass of straight scotch, filling it to the brim and taking a sip of the burning liquid, letting it run down my throat smoothly. It filled my chest with a comforting warmth.

My friend plopped herself down on a bar stool I had behind my L-shaped counter, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the counter. Her fingers intertwined together as she looked at me eagerly but also a little bit worriedly. "It obviously didn't go great." I sighed, opening up to her and leaning against the counter across from her. I took another sip of my alcoholic drink, my fingernail tapping against the glass.

"What happened?" Her tone of voice was slightly wobbled. I couldn't tell if it was worry or nervousness about what my story would hold. Maybe it was both.

"Well first of all," I set my glass down, licking my bottom lip for the extra taste of the scotch before I got into my imitating mode. "He was all like I am no longer The Winter Soldier. I am James 'Bucky' Barnes and you're part of my efforts to make amends." I felt anger stir up within me slowly so I quickly swiped up my glass and brought it to my lips, taking another swig of the alcohol as my body yearned for another taste. "And then, well, I asked him why he did it, wanting a reason."

"And?"

"And all he said was I had no choice and I don't remember." I scoffed then, crossing my arms, "It was a load of fucking shit and to top it all off, I'm stuck with him apparently. He's my protector or whatever you wanna call it."

"Protecting you? Is that his way of trying to make it up to you?" She reeled in astonishment.

"No, it's a part of his pardon. Steve requested it apparently."

"Why?" She asked.

"Who bloody knows. Not even his therapist knew let alone my own." I replied, still unimpressed with the idea of having a body guard. "I'd rather he just be arrested. I'm sure it'd be easier on him."

"Why wouldn't Steve have asked Sam?" Alyssa pondered aloud, rubbing her thumb over her bottom lip.

"Sam's off doing god knows what. I haven't heard from him in months. He's got no time for me anymore, I can assure you of that." I scoffed, downing the rest of my scotch. Sam and I fell out of contact once our relationship ended, we hadn't called or seen each other at all.

"You're going to hate me for this, but why don't you try and... work it out with James?" Alyssa reluctantly suggested, preparing herself for a lashing from me.

"I beg yours?" I retorted, scowling at her. "Why would I do that?"

"He's trying to make amends with you, (y/n), surely that counts for something? No murderer would ever do that." Alyssa explained.

"You're so gullible." I laughed in disbelief, shaking my head.

"I am not!" She defended.

"Really?" I challenged, crossing my arms, "You believe those stupid chain letters about dying if you don't email it to like ten different friends. You're that gullible."

"Whatever." She grumbled, leaning back in her spot and glaring at me. "I'm just saying, it doesn't hurt to try. It takes a lot to try and make amends with the people you hurt in that way and who knows, maybe his protection will come in use. Besides, Steve wouldn't assign James to you if he believed he was going to relapse and strange you dead." She shrugged, the glare disappearing from her face.

"You sound like his therapist." I muttered.

"I take that as a compliment." She retorted, her eyes gleaming with a little amusement.

I hate to admit it, but she also had a bit of a point and I did decide in the office that I'd accept it. I scrolled my hand over my face in exhaustion as my brain felt heavily overwhelmed. James' protection could come in use but what would I do about the constant fear of being near him?

The images of him choking me to death wouldn't just go away. Nor would the nightmares.

"Add his number into your phone. You don't have to text him or call him right now but just have it there just in case you magically need him." Alyssa's voice snapped me back to reality and what she said wasn't a suggestion, instead it was a command and I glanced at her, my eyebrow raising.

"Alyssa—" I began but she cut me off.

"Just do it."

I muttered incoherently under my breath as I reached into my pocket of my jacket I still wore, pulling out the scrunched up piece of paper that deigned his number, unfolding it.

My eyes glazed over his number and I noticed a slight shake to his writing. It showed me that he had been nervous the whole time we were in the office with Dr Raynor and Dr Donovan. Or he was angry. My heart leapt into my throat as I once again felt a pang of guilt but I pushed it away, too cocky to want to deal with it.

I typed his number in the contact box, adding his number to my phone because I knew Alyssa wouldn't let me out of the house until I did.

I didn't even give him a name, I just slapped the metal arm emoji as the contact name which fuelled some satisfaction inside of me.

"Good girl." Alyssa praised me, having watched me put his contact in my phone. "Progress already. Now, enough about James. Who's the guy you're going on a date with?"

"No clue. It's a blind date. Met him online." I shrugged, crossing my arms.

"Stay safe." Alyssa got up from her stool and circled around the counter before her arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. "And don't stay out too late." She joked, causing me to laugh for the first time since I had left the therapists office.

"Yes, mother."

Her footsteps departed away from me and upstairs into her bedroom as she lived with me, her bedroom door slamming shut. My hands moved up and rubbed my neck, feeling the tension of what happened today build up within it, causing it to ache.

I deserved to have fun and not succumb to the worry of James or my past.

I grabbed my bag off of the couch in my living room and looped it over my shoulders, holding the black strap tightly. "Let's see if I can turn this night into something good," I said loudly to myself, before grabbing my keys out of the glass bowl I had by my front door, making my departure.

The thoughts of The Winter Soldier and my past crept up into my mind but I pushed them back down as hard as I could, having no time left to deal with them.