The Release

Chapter 16

Meredith laid in her bed, staring as she fan turned clockwise. She couldn't move, her body felt completely numb. Exhaustion overwhelmed her, she managed to get a few hours of rest between tossing and turning. It had been two days since she last spoke with him, those felt like the longest days of her life. She wanted to call in again, like she had been but she knew life couldn't wait on her. She wondered how Grace was, Lexie had told Meredith they were weaning her off the vent the previous day but no other news about her. She heard voices coming from behind her closed door.

"What am I suppose to do? She can't miss work again," George said in what he thought was a hushed tone.

"I don't know, I've only known her for a few months. I tried talking to her yesterday but I don't know what's up," Lexie replied.

"I can hear you," Meredith said loudly, rolling out of bed. Her hair was a complete mess, she showed no emotion as she swung the door open to Lexie and George standing there awkwardly.

"Hey Mer, I'm glad your up. I made you breakfast," Lexie offered.

"Not hungry," she said as she shook her head.

"What happened Meredith?" George asked, Lexie immediately hit his stomach and glared at him.

"Nothing, I'm going to meet you guys at the hospital so you can leave now," Meredith said as she slammed her door. She felt the tears trying to escape her eyes, she quickly blinked them away before they fell. She couldn't let him stop her like he did in the past. She can't run away from her problems, she was a grown woman now.

She went into her bathroom, stripping herself before stepping into the shower. She closed the door, letting the water wash away the tears. She was still so distraught over the fact he had said that to her. The words continued to loop themselves through her brain. The coldness in his eyes as he said it just brought back so many bad memories. No matter how much he said he had changed, he had fooled her once again. He said he would be a better man, one that wouldn't hurt her ever again. Here she was, standing in the shower, unable to wash herself because the tears blurred her vision. She turned the water off, stepping out and grabbing a towel. She toweled her face and body, looking at herself in the mirror. She felt disgusting, her eyes red and puffy from the tears. She didn't want to leave her home, the place where she didn't have to ever see his face again. It was almost irrational, she felt like a little girl again. Her whole life had been filled with pain and heartbreak but this hurt almost as bad as loosing Olivia.

She doesn't remember driving to the hospital, her hair still damp from the inability to dry her hair in such a short time. She changed into her scrubs in silence, everyone had already hurried off to rounds. She looked at herself once again, hoping no one would notice the coldness in her eyes. She went into the halls, finding Bailey who just looked her up and down.

"Grey, you're late. You missed rounds," Bailey spoke up from her chart she was looking into.

"Sorry, just stick me in the pit," Meredith sighed, knowing that's where she'd end up anyway.

"No, you're on post-ops for lady Shepherd and Altman," Bailey said as she handed her the stack of charts.

"Bailey, I can't," Meredith said, trying to hand them back to her. Miranda raised her brow, changing her stance.

"Excuse me? Grey get out of your head. If you aren't going to be a doctor today, I advise you just go home instead of wasting my time," Bailey replied before turning and walking off. Meredith looked down at the charts, starting with the first and moving down the list.

Her heart stopped, she saw the name on the last chart as she finished up with the previous charts. She couldn't do it, she couldn't see him. She knew he would be there, by her bedside and she couldn't face him. They were in limbo, one she didn't have the strength to fight for right now. She didn't know what she wanted anymore, if she could ever forgive him. She prepared herself as she walked to her room. She knocked, before opening the door.