One and Only

Ch. 8 Gratitude

I could feel the warm sun bathing my skin, the sound of leaves rustling in the wind, and birds chirping loudly.
My eyes fluttered open at the serene noises. I tried to sit up, but my body screamed and ached all over, and my head was pounding. I took a quick look at my surroundings, I was in my dorm room.. I let out a loud gasp, remembering the events that just transpired.
I threw off the blankets and ran out the door of the dorm. I heard the familiar shouts of my toddler sister, I picked up the pace and ran to the door that was ajar.
"Mafuyu!?" I shouted, slamming the door open with panic. She was being lifted in the air by Gojo, a bright smile plastered on her face. She squealed in delight at the sudden height difference. Geto sat with Himeko, who was reading a book. They all looked towards the door at the sudden shout.
"Onee-san!" Himeko yelled, dropping the book on the floor and running to me. I took a stumbling step forward, my arms outstretched towards her. She crashed into my midsection as i collapsed on the floor with quiet sobs. The force of the impact was enough to make me grit my teeth, but the absolute relief that swept over me at seeing my sisters alive was enough to make me choke on my sobs. Gojo walked to us with Mafuyu, his arms outstretched to hand me the toddler. She was reaching her arms out to me, calling for her 'Nee-Nee'. I stood and scooped the girl into my arms. Tears stained my cheeks, I was overcome with relief and didn't care who saw. I hugged both girls tightly to my body, sinking back to the floor, afraid that if I let them go they'd disappear. I looked at the 2 boys standing in front of me, I was going to thank them when I heard my name being shouted from down the hall. Dazai burst through the open door, sweating and huffing. Did I look like that??
  "Mai-sama! You're awake!" The man embraced me in a tight one-armed hug. I looked down to his other arm, my eyes going wide. He took notice and tried his best to calm me.
  "The damage I received from the curse was too great. Ieiri-san tried to save it, but it was already dead by the time you arrived." He explained. He then threw his shawl over me.
  "Cover your body! There are men!" He shouted at me. I looked down and noticed I was just in pants, my upper torso was bandaged up.
  "You two! Look away from My Lady at once!" Dazai scolded Gojo and Geto, who were quick to turn around. I then remembered everything that happened and bombarded the omder gentleman with questions.
  "How long was I out? How many are dead? What of our home? What about Tatsuya??" I was frantic. Dazai held a steady gaze with me.
  "It's been about 3 days since the incident. Tatsuya-san is fine, she is still recovering in a nearby hospital.." Dazai trailed off, unsure of how to answer the other 2 questions.
  "Dazai, please. I need to know what happened," I tried to reassure the man that I'd be able to withstand his answers, but I knew that I looked vulnerable and defeated.
  ".. The estate is in shambles. Construction and barriers are going to take time to build, the rest of our clan has taken refuge within the village.." he paused. "More than two-thirds of the clan has been wiped out." I sat back in disbelief. So many? We were already a small clan, no more than 60 total in relatives and servicemen.. and now this. I cursed under my breath, my head was swimming with thoughts of how to reassure the rest of the clan, how to rebuild, and the proper burial arrangements that needed to be met.
  "Mai-sama," Dazai spoke. "We have already begun clean up and construction of the estate, as well as creating suitable burials for our fallen brethren." I let out a sigh, this man has always done what he could to ease the burden of responsibilities off my shoulders.
  "Thank you, Dazai-san." I gave a slight bow. His phone began to ring and he promptly excused himself.
  I felt Himeko and Mafuyu squirm in my arms, I hadn't realized how tightly I had been holding them. I let them go and scrambled to my feet, apologizing for keeping them and if I had accidentally hurt them. I stared at the two, just happy that they were alive.. but now I needed to figure out lodging for my sisters. I know the few of my clansmen are taking refuge in the village closeby the estate, since many of the villagers know us personally. I could speak to the elders to see if they would allow Himeko and Mafuyu to stay in the college. Dazai already has a room here, so I would still be able to attend my regular classes and missions. I let out a long sigh.
  "I already talked to the elders for you," I looked up at Gojo. He had a hand extended for me to grab.
  "Himeko-chan and Mafuyu-chan got permission to stay for a while." I grabbed his hand and pulled myself up. I felt Mafuyu tug at my pant leg. I bent over to pick her up, but Gojo scooped her up before I could even touch her.
  "You shouldn't be lifting anything, you could reopen your stitches," he said as he poked Mafuyu's nose, making her giggle.
  "Nee-san," Himeko called out to me. "Will we be sleeping in the same room as you now?" I gave her a soft smile and ruffled her hair.
  "Yup, we'll be sharing a room again. Just like we did when you were a lot smaller." Himeko's eyes lit up with excitement. Himeko was still in bandages too. She had a bandage on her cheek, and I could see another poking out from the collar of her shirt. I need to thank Shoko later. That's when I noticed that both Himeko and Mafuyu were wearing new clothes, none of which I've seen before.
  "Himeko, where did you get these? They look nice," I said pointing to her attire.
  "Satoru-nii and Suguru-nii got them for me! He took Mafuyu and I out yesterday since a lot of our stuff got left behind or was all ripped up." She explained to me.
  "You guys really didn't have to do that.." I turned to the boys, guilt evident in my voice.
  "Nonsense, we couldn't let them walk around in the same dirty clothes for who knows how long." Suguru assured me. "Besides, they're very polite and were pretty shaken up. We thought having them in a more normal setting would help them get more comfortable after everything that happened." He finished.
  I gave a low bow to the boys.
  "Thank you both, for taking care of my sisters. Thank you so much."
  "C'mon, you don't need to be so formal," Suguru said as he pulled me back up.
  "Aw, you couldn't have left her like that for a bit longer? I wanted to take a picture," I heard Gojo snicker.
  "I was being nice, I'll kick your ass if you make another smart-mouthed comment," I glared at him.
  Gojo shrugged his shoulders, that smug smile still on his face.
  "Ass! Kick your ass!" The 3 of us whipped our heads at Mafuyu who had the biggest smile on her face while nearly screaming 'ass'.
  Gojo nearly toppled over, howling with laughter. Suguru turned, hand covering his mouth trying to muffle his laughter. I ran to the little girl trying to get her to stop saying the swear, completely flustered by my hiccup.
  "Nee-san said a bad word.." admist all the laughter, we were all still able to hear Himeko's whisper. This only made Gojo laugh harder. Suguru took Mafuyu from his arms, Gojo was stumbling backwards and he didn't want the little girl to fall. I could only stare at Himeko, realization coming to my face. This was the first time she's ever heard me swear.
  "No-! You see- I- aghhh!" I yelled out in defeat.
  "I'm sorry, Himeko. I shouldn't have said that.." I meekly apologized to my sister.
  "Why don't we go back to the library?" Suguru interjected, still stifling his laughter. "Maybe we can find you something more entertaining to read, yeah? We can even go to the courtyard, let Mafuyu run around a bit." He directed to Himeko. Her face lit up into a bright smile. She grabbed on to his free hand, practically dragging Suguru out the door.
  "Hey, wait -!" I called out to the trio. Suguru just sent me a smile.
  "Don't worry, they'll be fine. This is how we've been doing it for the past few days anyway." Gojo finally managed to get his laughter under control.
  "Mafuyu's hilarious." He let out another chuckle.
  I let out a long sigh, trudging towards the empty couch and sinking into it. I threw an arm over my eyes, still trying to process everything that just happened and what Dazai had told me earlier. I could almost cry from the amount of stress I was under. I felt the cushions next to me sink in, peaking from under my arms to see Gojo filling the space. He didn't say anything, just sat with his arms crossed behind his head. It was a comfortable silence, but I also knew this was his way of giving me time to talk abut everything. This is how it has been for a few months now. One of us would go into the others dorm and sit or lay on the bed, the other just sat and waited for the person who was sulking to start talking about whatever the issue was at the time.
  "I need a break." I said, moving my arm down to my lap.
  "I've been trying to do all of my regular shaman duties while studying what I can about the clan.. but this?" I motioned in the air. "This is just too much.." Ah, here come the tears. Thinking about everything my clan just went through, I couldn't help but feel defeated and unworthy.
  "I couldn't even save half of them.." I whispered, tears falling. "What kind of fucking leader am I? I got tossed around like I was nothing, I watched so many of my men die-!" Before I could even continue my rant, Gojo wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his chest.
  Gojo didn't say anything, he just held me. I don't know why, but it just made me cry harder. I gripped the front of his shirt and let out more cries. I felt so small, so helpless, so weak. I felt like such a failure. I was so angry at myself, I could have done more. I should have done more. I was gritting my teeth, I blamed myself so much. I felt Gojo tighten his arms, almost like he was trying to reassure me that none of it was my fault.
  "Hey," he said, catching my attention. "Do you want to go back to my dorm? Or yours? Whichever you feel comfortable in." I looked up at him, my cheeks stained with tears and eyes red and puffy.  I wasn't really sure what he was trying to say, but I guess he got the hint.
  "I don't mean to do anything, I just kinda figured you wanted more privacy. I mean, I'm pretty sure you don't want anyone else to see you ugly cry." I gave him a weak slap and chuckled.
  "Yeah, you're right.." I said between sniffles. "Can we go to yours? I don't want Mafuyu and Himeko see me ugly crying." This made Gojo crack a smile.
  "Alright, let's go." He helped me up from the couch. I pulled the shawl that Dazai gave to me over my shoulders more.
  "You know, you kinda look like you're in a motorcycle gang."
  "What??"
  "Like with the baggy pants, the bandages, and if that was a jacket instead? Gang leader. All you need is a long ass pipe or something. Cool as fuck." I couldn't help but let out a laugh.
  The walk to Gojo's room was mostly silent, I didn't want to bring any attention to myself while being so vulnerable.
  While Gojo closed the door to his dorm, I flopped over and let myself sink into his bed. The familiar scent of his bed immediately making me feel relaxed and safe. He didn't have a ton in his room, it was usually dark with the dim light of the TV playing in the background.
  "You okay?" He said, sitting next to me.
  "I feel better, but god I wish this was all a dream." I said, turning over to look at him. Even through the darkness and his dark sunglasses, his eyes were so bright and clear.
  I adjusted myself to sit beside him. I tentatively brought my hands up to the sides of his face, taking the glasses off of him. Gojo didn't try to stop me, he just leaned into my hands. Almost encouraging me to do as I pleased.
  "You really like looking at my eyes, huh? Am I just that pretty?" He said with a smirk.
  "Yeah, you are." I said as I folded the temples of the glasses in. I set them down on the small nightstand. My eyes never leaving his. I wanted to hold his face, but I just couldn't bring myself to. Instead, I just let my hands rest in my lap.
  "Well, look all you want. I'm not going anywhere." I felt him grab one of my hands, giving it a slight squeeze.
  The reassurance that Gojo gave me made me realize just how often this man comforted and encouraged me. There were days when I wanted to just run away and hide, and he was always there to listen. I told him about how it felt after I lost my mother, and how it became worse after losing my father. How I never wanted to be forced into the responsibility of being a parent to my sisters so quickly. How I wasn't even given a proper childhood. I told him how all I wanted was to be a child and be given a chance to experience the wonders of childlike curiosity. Through all of it, he would always be there to listen and comfort me. And even though he wasn't one to show that he was at all vulnerable, he told me about his life as a child and how he had bounties placed on him. He never once cried, but I could tell that it bothered him. I couldn't help but let more tears fall.
  "Hey, what's wrong??" Gojo was a bit shocked to see me start crying again.
  "You're always there for me. You never once let yourself be perceived as weak, but you told me about your own traumas and worries." I didn't even know what I was trying to say, I had so many emotions coming up at once. "If you won't cry, I'll cry for you. I want you to be able to lean on me like I do for you. You've helped me through so much since coming to this school." At this point, I was a blubbering mess.
  "Thank you for being my friend. I'm so sorry I was ever mean or rude to you."
  "Hey, hey, you don't need to apologize. I was the one who started it anyways. And you do a lot for me anyway. You keep me company, you make me comfortable, and I do lean on you. I was able to talk about a lot of stuff that was bothering me, you make me feel relaxed." He pulled me into a hug.
  "I should be the one thanking you for letting me be your friend. I rely on you more than you know."
  I wrapped my arms around his neck, my head buried in his shoulder.
  "Thank you. Thank you for letting me cry. Thank you for helping me save my sisters. Thank you so much, Satoru."