Forgiveness

1.2. Zemo

But not everyone knows that I stayed behind unlike everyone else of the team who left after the destruction Ultron and us caused. I stayed to help the people who had survived and who had lost everything. However I hid my powers when they were around because I didn't want them to hate me. I know most of them blamed the Avengers. And in a way they were right. We had been the reason for that destruction.

During my time there I met someone.

All he said was his name was Helmut Zemo and he lost his wife and son during the events in Sokovia. I felt really terrible about it and about lying to him about who I was. I saw him almost every day and we became quite close, but nothing really happened despite my growing crush. He had lost his whole family and eventually he was going to find out who I am. So I kept my feelings hidden. I didn't want to be a reminder of all he had lost. I wanted to help him and everyone else I could.

However I wasn't prepared for the moment when he actually did find out about my involvement in the events leading to his family's death. I walked into the apartment I had rented to stay close to the rubble of Novi Grad and jumped in surprise seeing Zemo sitting on my couch with a bottle of beer in his hand. He seemed lost in thought and I carefully made my way inside.

"Zemo? Is everything okay?" He scoffs and gives me a look of anger. Gulping I step back as he stands up and heads towards me.

"I know what you are. You're one of them. An Avenger." My eyes widen. He knew. How did he find out? I found it difficult to think. I tried to come up with something to say. I couldn't lose him, not like this, not now.

"Zemo, let me explain I-" I get interrupted by him throwing the bottle he was holding at the wall, centimeters away from my face.

"You lied to me. It's your fault my family is dead." Tears well up in my eyes and I try to reach for his arm, but he pushes me back. "Stay away from me. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just kill you right now!"

"Zemo, please I...I'm sorry. I know we caused destruction. I'm sorry. I really am I..I never wanted this." Zemo doesn't say anything. I feel my legs tremble and start fidgeting with my hands. I hated it. That look in his eyes. All he saw in me now was a monster, the reason for his suffering. All I wanted was to help people. I didn't want to hurt anyone. Let alone him.

"How could you lie to me?!" The sudden outburst and rising of his voice make me jump. "For months I trusted you with everything. I thought you cared...And the whole time you were just a liar." He sounded so completely broken. The one person he trusted had betrayed him. I was so scared of hurting him but ended up just doing that.

"I do care! I..I didn't want you to look at me the way you are right now! Zemo, please.." My eyes widen as he pulls out a gun aiming it at me. "Please don't. Don't do this."

"You will all pay. I lost everything!" Hearing him so broken and in pain broke my heart. I couldn't move and so I just closed my eyes for a brief moment. He was right. I lied to him. We did this. Looking at him again I take a deep breath.

"I understand." My voice is barely a whisper. Zemo still hadn't moved. Being held at gunpoint didn't scare me, but it being him did. It terrified me how I had brought this upon myself. He deserved better. I had tried my best to help people, but it never was going to make up for the deaths. -"I'm begging you just don't. We can figure this out, I can.." Zemo interrupts me.

"You've done enough. Despite all you've caused, however, I can't seem to be able to hurt you."

Before I can protest he puts down his weapon and leaves my apartment. Leaving me alone with my thoughts. All the guilt and pain hits me with a sudden wave and I collapse to my knees, holding my legs closer to my chest as I sob. I couldn't move for hours. Not when a neighbor came knocking asking if everything was alright and not when people from the community came asking for my help. Nothing mattered.

At that moment I realized just how much I had fallen for Zemo and how much pain I had caused him instead of helping him heal as I had vowed to myself. I contemplated looking for him, but his words kept echoing in my head. "You've done enough". And perhaps I had.

That day was my last day in what was left of Sokovia. I left and reunited with Sam, staying with him for a while before I got myself a place with the help of Tony Stark. I told no one about what had happened. All they knew was I was a volunteer there. They didn't have to know and I felt ashamed of sharing. So I didn't.