Serenity [Book 2]

Chapter 07: déjà vu

With my head pounding from the impending hangover, I stumble out of my warm bed and grab my robe from the bottom of it, pulling it on before I hastily leave the room without thinking too much of it. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and my breathing is labored, the only sound other than that is the patter of my feet against the wooden flooring as I go out into the cold, dark, scarily silent hallway.

I hesitate once I reach the door, unsure and doubting if I should even do this, but before I spiral, I open it slightly, peaking in. The bedside lamp is on, and he is laid there with a book in his hand.

"Ethan." I whisper, my voice croaky and broken.

"Woah, are you okay?" Ethan asks, immediately sitting up, dog-earing his page.

"No." I wipe my cheeks, choosing to speak honestly. "I had a nightmare, and it was one of the worst ones I've ever had."

"Hey, come here." He gestures over to him.

"I'm kinda naked." I look down at my lack of clothing.

"I've seen it all before, just get under the covers." He says softly, pulling them back for me. I gently nod, shutting the door behind me before I walk over to him, tightening my hold on my robe before I climb in next to him, settling in his arms.

"Thank you." I whisper, wiping my tears again.

"Don't thank me, it's okay. You're okay, right?" He checks, and I nod.

"I will be. I always am." I say, taking a deep breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, and I usually would say no, but for once, I want to.

"My mom is becoming blurrier and blurrier which is surprisingly worse than seeing a perfect picture of her in my mind. It's heartbreaking to know I can't really picture her face properly. I know what she looks like obviously, but I haven't seen her face since that night, and I refuse to look at photos. So, that was one aspect to why it was awful. It was also a memory of the crash as it always is, only it was very hazy and not totally like that night. The conversations were different, and she said she hated me which isn't new, that happened a lot at the beginning, but it was all very hard. Every night I expect for the nightmares to happen, but for some reason tonight I fell asleep and didn't this time." I stare up at the ceiling, silent tears leaving my eyes as I speak quietly to Ethan. "I know that her last words were 'ti voglio bene', 'I love you' in Italian, but it always changes in my nightmares to 'I hate you'. And it's just heartbreaking because I know it's not true."

"She loved you, she did. You know that. Your nightmare was your mind playing evil tricks on you. She loved you so much, baby." He murmurs into my hair, and I close my eyes as more silent tears and little sobs escape. I hate this kind of crying.

"I miss her." I say, my voice breaking.

"I know you do. You're allowed to miss her." He assures and I sniffle, looking up at him.

"She would have loved you." I tell him honestly. She really would have. In fact, she'd flirt with him and make him awkward... I would loved to see it though.

"If she was even a little bit like you, so would I." He whispers.

"She really was, especially as a teenager, and I definitely look like her. If I ever go back to New Haven, I'll get some photos and show you." I say, unsure if I ever will though.

"I'd like that." He says, and I smile up at him. "Do you think you're going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm settling down now, I was just a little shaken up. I'm okay though, I always am." I say honestly.