Reign

December - Part I.

My pen scratches softly against my notepad. I rewrite my notes in a more legible script. The playlist in my ears briefly goes quiet as it transitions from one song to the next.

I look up and gnaw on the back of my pen cap. The usual chorus from the cafe is lost to me with my own music playing, but the scene continues to play uninterrupted. I enjoyed losing myself in my secluded corner found in the front of the small building.

The smells comfort me the most when I’m here and the ability to not be bothered. The cafe is found off campus. Only a few students come in to study or have group meetings. No one is trying to pay attention to me and I'd like to keep it that way. 

    Out of the corner of my eye, I catch movement towards my small basket of fries.

I cut my eyes to catch my friend, Trisha snagging a potato slice. The salty snack slips between her burgundy stained lips.

I frown and pull my food away from her.

Her caramel colored eyes meet mine.

"How did you find me?" I take an earbud out.

"It's not like this is a secret hideout, Ray. Everyone knows you come here. We just tend to give you your space.”

"I thought I was so careful." I mutter to myself then sigh. “Why are you here now?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “Because I care about you. Because you’re my best friend and I’m worried about you.”

I look away. “I’m fine.”

“We haven’t been yourself since Micah.”

I tense. "I'd rather forget that moment."

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and that it doesn’t hurt.”

"Trish, I told you. I've moved on.”

Her eyebrows raise up to her hairline. "Really? You haven't hung out with everyone since the incident."

“Don’t start.” I close my notebook, bracing myself to bolt.

“I’m serious.”

"I've been busy."

She gives me a doubtful look which she has every right to.

I tune my gaze at the environment around me. 

Everything is just strained and I hate it so much. The familiar pain that normally hits me late at night bubbles in me.

I shift in my seat. I can’t do this here.

"You promised that night you picked me up that we wouldn’t talk about him anymore after that."

"I know, but...You’re hurting, Reign. We can all see that."

“What do you want me to say?” I snap.

“Don’t take your anger out on me.” She snaps back.

I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about this. Especially not here.”

“I get that you may not want to, but you need to.”

I grab my stuff and shove it into my bag.

“Seriously, Reign?” She stands up with me.

“Look, I know that someone like you wouldn’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love, but it’s not like you can just move on like it didn’t happen.”

“Are you serious? He didn’t die, Reign.”

“Exactly!” I scream.

People start staring at us.

“That is my point! He isn’t dead. I have to live with the thought that he’s somewhere walking around this stupid campus probably with some other girl, telling her all of the things he used to tell me.”

This time I can’t fight the tears. My face burns with embarrassment, igniting anger in me. “I wish he were dead. Then I would be done with the hurt. But I can’t. I. Can’t. And you pressing me doesn’t help me. So do us both a favor and reevaluate what you consider space as.”

I storm out, leaving the door to jingle behind me. People strolling along the sidewalk cast curious glances in my direction. I lift the hood of my tan sweatshirt and shove through them, avoiding eye contact.

I shouldn’t have lashed out like I did. I know she’s only concerned, but I am so sick of crying. I’m so sick of being angry.

I’ve been able to cope in my numbness and she triggered a change in that.

I run into something firm, stumbling back. Someone grabs onto me before I fall on my backside.

“Whoa, sorry. Are you alright?”

I look up to the owner of the deep voice with bleary eyes.

“Oh...you’re crying. Are you hurt?” His voice drips with concern.

I blink away the liquid in my eyes and clearly look at the man before me.

He’s tall with skin like chestnut wood. His dark eyebrows hang low over his coffee eyes.

I realize he’s still touching me. I pull myself away from his grasp. He lifts his palms outward into the air.

“Sorry. I’m not going to hurt you. Do you need help?” He looks over my head behind me.

He’s not that much taller than me, but even with my long legs that usually has me towering over my friends, he can look over me without a problem.

His eyes finally land on me again.

We stand there staring at each other.

“Miss?”

I brush away the streaks from my face with the sleeves of my hoodie. “Fine.”

“What?”

“I’m fine.” I brush past him.

“Wait!”

I pick up my speed, clutching tighter onto my bag strap. The last thing I need is some stranger, especially a male stranger, diving deeper into my personal life. I can barely deal with Trish doing it.