Reign

August - Part IX

“You did what?” Trish yells.

I cover my face with the sofa pillow. “I let him go.”

The cushion is ripped from my hands and I’m staring at a wide eyed crazy person.

“You did what?” She shouts in a high octave.

“I let him go! Okay?” I groan. “I’m stupid. I know.”

She sighs and places the cushion in her lap. I avoid looking over at her because I know her expression will mirror how I’m feeling inside.

I wanted to call Bennett so many times during the summer but I couldn’t find the courage to do so. Now, Trish is back and school will start in a few weeks and I have no idea as to where we stand.

Actually, that’s a lie.

I know where we stand.

I just don’t want to admit fault.

“Damn. What if he’s already taken the time to move on?” Trish voices my inner fear.

My heart clenches.

What if he had?

What if Trish was right back then? I would regret the moment we really do become “just friends”?

Despite everything, I have grown accustomed to Bennett in my life.

He was there to cheer me up or support me. We would hang out and we'd built a routine together.

I don’t want to find a new normal without him. Or a new normal where he would have another girl around. The simple thought of Clara made my stomach churn.

“We both know you like him. It’s okay to like him, Ray.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek.

Trish places her hand over mine. “It’s okay to feel those kinds of feelings for someone else.”

“I don’t want to lose him.” I confess.

She wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer. “No one said you would. But even if you do, you’ll still have me there to help you pick up the pieces. Just like before.”

I give her a small smile. “I really don’t deserve you.”

“Of course not.”

I pinch her arm with a laugh.

“Hey!” She laughs back.

We settle down into another roll of silence.

If I say yes, how do I tell him?

Should I show up to his apartment like he had done with me and confess?

Should I call him?

“The longer you sit here thinking about it. The more time you give yourself to talk yourself out of it.” She bumps her shoulder against mine. “Go tell him how you feel.”

“You’re right.” I stand to my feet. “Maybe if I’m honest with him, we can make sense of it all together.”

“Sounds good, but let’s just get you spruced up a bit.” She tugs at my t-shirt. “When’s the last time you wore clothes other than your pajamas?”

About an hour later, Trish helped me get dressed in a sundress she bought when she travelled with her family and helped me do my hair into a halo around my head. I laced my sandals around my feet and did light make up.

I feel like I’m doing a little extra, but if it helps boost my confidence, what’s the harm?

Trisha drove me over to Bennett’s place and told me she’d stay nearby in case I needed her.