Love: A Collection of Stories

Expectations

So that I don't vomit,

Don't make out with your girlfriend when I'm within twenty miles

It's called a closet

Yes, the girlfriend you got about a week after we broke up

Oh, I dumped up you three days before Valentine's Day?

Hey genius, it's a date

And why did you introduce me to her?

I love that I can pick her out in a crowd and my mind goes: “slut”

Why do I do that?

“To be completely honest with you”

She is one

Sorry, a strapless mini in December?

Don't act like you know me inside and out

I may surprise you

Really? What's my favorite color?

I changed it since it was yours

We dated for six months, not a lifetime

You didn't listen to me

 I mean, really listen

 Because you couldn't remember the color of my eyes

 Exactly where did you look when we had a conversation?

Don't pressure me to kiss you

It makes you a pig and it makes me upset

And who the hell cares if I mention my period?

It affects you as much as it does me

No. that guy that I always walk with is, matter of fact, not my boyfriend

But I'm not gonna tell you

Don't befriend my friends after we break up

Well then stop talking to them!!

Stop popping up out of nowhere

 Because I find it hard to believe that you just happen to be everywhere I am

In the words of Bob Dylan

It ain't me babe

I don't think the term “dear” is old

Besides my grandparents seem pretty happy

I like guys with big noses

Who can laugh about it, like you always do

I enjoy having to look at you way up there

 But please come back down to my level when we talk

No, I don't expect you to propose to me on the spot

Just don't run away if I mention it

Please tell me all the weird details of that one story

So I don't feel awkward when I do the same to you

I love your eyes

But that's an issue when I want to forget you

No, I don't appreciate your hair

It gets in the way of your eyes

Don't worry about being perfect

You feel so distant when you do

No, you don't have to wear a tux every day

Maybe just once so I know you still care about impressing me

I think beefy forearms are gross

I don't care, as long as they hold me close

I don't want you to be with someone else

Because I don't think it's necessary

I should be good enough

I am

And damn you if you don't understand

I'm not looking for Prince Charming

Because clearly he's not you

Even if I am

I have plenty of time to lose

Don't prevent me from falling

It's inevitable, just help me up when I do

If I don't want to do something new

Convince me you'd love to experience it with me

Fight for me, for us

Because I might do it most of the time

But if you're a person I want to be with

I don't want things to end because you can't pull your weight

These are basic expectations

You really work some of them

But since you severely lack in most

I'll look for someone else

And I'll try again later