Love: A Collection of Stories

Qué Será, Será

I broke his nose, then I gave him a kiss. True story.

We'd been playing footsie for the past few months, on and off. Sometimes I would find him quite near me at rehearsal or I would find myself staring at him for the past two minutes.

One day he had just finished playing "tennis" with his friends, and then he challenged me. I was sitting pretending to be occupied with texting someone. I joined theatre for the ideas, not for the people. All of them.

The premise of the game is that one person holds their hand above the other's, and the person beneath tries to slap the hands on top, while the person on top tries to get their hands away. We'd been playing for the last few minutes, and instead of slapping my hands again he just set them on top of mine and intertwined our fingers.

I froze for about two seconds and then pulled my hands back. I told him I just had a delayed reaction but I had other thoughts. I assumed he was going to go back to his friends, but instead when I left I found him next to me again. 

"I didn't know I was that disgusting, thanks for the message." 

I had my eyes straight ahead of me as he spoke, at this I lowered my head. I couldn't tell what he was, I could ignore but I couldn't forgive what he did to me. At the same time he was nicer, too nice. In both cases I was afraid to look in his eyes because they might hurt me. 

"What is it?" 
"You can't be an asshole and expect everything to be fine." I uttered meekly.
"When was that?"
"Oh I don't know, sixth through eighth grade."
"What? I wasn't serious." 
"You certainly seemed so to keep it up so long and to take the only friends I had."
"Oh. . ."
"Yeah, oh. My family was fighting constantly and I needed you to help me hate school even more and isolate me from the only friends I had."
"You want to hit me?"
"That's not all."
"I won't ever do that again? If you go out with me I'll be the best boyfriend I can too."
Outwardly I couldn't care less. Inside my head was spinning and my heart was pounding.
"Mmm, okay."

I think he expected me to slap him, and when I came at him with a fist he winced but stood still. I knew I had bony knuckles, and I wanted to use them to my advantage.

I heard a pop and took a step back. His eyes were watery, and both his eyes and nose were red beginning to turn purple. I took a step towards him, kissed the side of his nose, and left. I wanted him to know I appreciated the effort, but I still hadn't forgiven him. I had feelings for him, but I wasn't ready to pursue them. Tomorrow I'll see him again. Either the feelings will dissolve and nothing more will come of it or they'll grow into something more.

I know it doesn't fit my normal philosophies, but life's been such a hassle lately I'm going to let fate step in. What will be, will be.