her or me? ;nate jacobs

the aftermath

i got in my car and drove home in silence. i'm
so fucking mad at nate right now. i want to smash his face into a brick wall so bad.

when i got home,i slammed my car door shut and stormed into the house,slamming the front door behind me. i took off my angel headband that was apart of my costume and threw it on the counter along with my keys.

"nate!" i called out. i heard footsteps coming up from the basement. why was nate down there? but it was aaron who opened the door. i rolled my eyes. "where's your brother?" i asked. "upstairs i think" he said with his disgusting sounding voice. i nodded my head. "you guys get in another fight?" he teased. "what's this? the 7th one this week" he sassed. "fuck off" i said and he just laughed.

i walked up the stairs and saw nate in his room with the door open,staring at the floor. "nate" i said. he looked up and walked closer to me. "we need to fucking talk. no avoiding it. you know we need to talk about everything. for real this time" he said. he was right. if we don't talk things out now and figure out what we are, nothing will get solved. "fine" i said. he nodded and grabbed his keys.

"just let me change first" i said. he nodded his head. i went into my bedroom and quickly took off my costume and threw on shorts and a sweatshirt. i put some flip flops on and didn't even bother to take my makeup off. then i met him outside of my bedroom.

we walked outside and got in his truck. it's currently 12:23 in the morning. "ashley" he said but i cut him off. "nate i'm s-..."
he cut me off. "no please just let me talk"
he said. i nodded and for the first time in my life,let him say what he had to say.

"ashley i know i've fucked up a few times. but the last few months we've been spending so much time together and i mean it when i say that i want to be with you. but maddy gets in the way and all the boys you get with get in the way. and i know i tell you that you're a slut and a whore all the time. and i'm sorry and i know that it hurts your feelings. i keep on hurting you ashley and i know you rub it off and pretend you're okay but the carnival shit was so bad for all of us and i'm just really sorry i did that to you and maddy. but you have to understand that it's hard for me to just be done with maddy. she's my girlfriend and i love her. and i know you don't mean to come in between us but you do. and i think you know you do. and i know it's not your fault or anything but it just makes things more complicated for me and maddy. and i don't want to hurt you even more than i already have. this whole situation is awful." he said.

i was surprised he took responsibility for being a dick to me. but he was right. i was coming in between him and maddy. that's probably why me and here have been so distant that last few days. fuck. but i don't mean to. it just happens. but whoever he chooses to be with,he needs to give all his love to. he can't just keep going back to the other one when he gets in a fight with the first one. you know? this isn't pick and choose. it's pick the girl you love and stay with her.

"nate you know i like you a lot. but this shit between us isn't healthy and you know it. all we do is fucking fight nate. that's it. it's constant yelling,screaming,pushing eachother,crying,making up,and dumb shit. nate we're so fucking bad for eachother and i think you know that. some people just aren't meant to be in a relationship nate. and as much as i wanna say that me and you can try to work it out,we both know that's not gonna go smoothly. this is going to hurt maddy. you know damn well your mom and dad won't be okay with it. and it's gonna have everyone at school talking. as much as i want to pretend that we're soulmates and everything is perfect about us and our "relationship" we both know that's not how it is." i said with a tear dropping out.

he let out a sigh. "i know you're right but i wish you weren't" he said as he threw his head back staring at the ceiling. i put my hand on his. "some things just aren't meant to be nate"
i whispered. "i know ashley,it's just i really care about you and i really do love you." he said. "nate i love you. and i care about you and always will. but do you really think we should be together?" i asked him. "no,but like i want to be. don't you? he said.

that's the thing. i want to be with him so bad. like make things official and all. but this guy literally has a girlfriend and all we do is fight. i know for a fact i'm gonna get hurt if we do this. i know it's not the right thing to do but i can't help myself. i love nate and he loves me. and that's all that matters at the end of the day. we'll get through everything that the world throws at us. we always have.

"fine,but we keep this on the down low till
i say so,okay?" i said. he nodded his head. "we're not like dating,i hate labels" i said with a pouty face. "whatever,as long as we're together i don't care what you call us" he said. i smiled.