Submitting

Comfort

If I just rolled over and stayed absolutely still, not a single blink, not a single breath, then maybe, just maybe, this will all be over.

The urge to cry was so immense, and yet I couldn't even begin to let the crushing sadness take me, before the cracking headache took over and so did the deep nausea as I hurled everything out of my stomach right in front of everyone and on the lush carpet that was unlucky enough to be placed there. Acidity filled the air which further aided to the situation as I unfurled once again with much more vigour that I would have surely fallen into my own mess if Dimitri wouldn't have held my shoulders as soon as he did while also making sure to hold up my hair until I was done.

"Here take some tissues." The worry in his voice felt nothing but ridiculous to me. I would have laughed out loud if only Liza wasn't standing at the doorway with horror in her eyes and Ivan's snake of a hand on her shoulder.

"I suppose that's enough fun for tonight. Isn't it brother? We should call it a night." There was absolutely nothing more I wanted than to punch the living daylights out of that guy. I would have done it and I oh so badly wanted to.

But.

That damned 'but'.

"Yes." Dimitri wasted no time as his freezing hand gripped my arm to probably take me away from there and manhandle me to my room. What he didn't realize was the boiling anger that was just brimming around the edges until it finally spilled.

"Don't touch me!" This feeling of frustration and anger and irritation was so unknown but welcome. Far better than the sadness that always won over and dominated my senses. A satisfaction of sorts, as I pushed Dimitri off me and shouted at the top of my voice. "Don't you ever, ever! Dare to touch me!" I clenched my eyes shut as I shouted once more and let the outraged screams drown the silence that came after. 

I need to get out of here, I needed to get both of us out of here. There was no plan, no preparations but just this impulse that spoke loud and clear. Liza and I need to get out of here, right now.

I opened my eyes and was about to dash towards Liza only to realize that it was too late. The doorway loomed in the empty darkness as if I had just been drugged to hallucinate everything that happened in the last couple of minutes. If only that were true as the evidence of the shattered lamp and the putrid smell of my puke on the carpet dauntingly stared back at me. 

****

The walk upstairs to the room I was designated, was hard. Possibly one of the hardest moments, as I swallowed my urges for the millionth time to escape just because of the lack of a perfect opportunity to do so. It was not the time to do things in a manner that would give unfavourable outcomes. I needed to play this properly because I will only get one chance to get out of here with Liza. Yes, things got way more than I could ever imagine and everything I planned initially, to please Dimitri by obeying so that Liza could at least be out of that dingy room, was over. 

Plan A just did a massive table flip and walked out the door. 

In a way it was a great relief that I don't have to coax up Dimitri to get my way. Instead, I could be contrastingly harsher now, and I am pretty sure that is what is expected out of me at the moment considering the circumstances that have been presented to me. And oh was I going to fully utilize this opportunity.

Zoned out and deep in my thoughts, I hadn't realized how stiff my jaw was or the fact that Dimitri was just behind me watching my every move and studying my gestures like a hawk. So when he spoke up in his deep tone a little too suddenly, I jumped out of my skin and somehow managed to push my feet against the step I was about to set my foot on and lost my balance completely. My blessed lack of agility and would have surely ended up in bruises and perhaps more if Dimitri wouldn't have caught me as quickly as he did. He didn't stop there though as he swooped me off my feet and carried me bridal style while I tried my best to not black out from all the sudden movements that happened in the span of mere five seconds. 

He waited and stared at my face blankly as I shook my head a little to get the darkness out of my vision. The few glasses of wine didn't help my case either. 

"You need to calm down." That was never going to happen as long as I am held captive with him in this house. 

"Easy for you to say. You are not the one in my shoes." Yes, I was angry. Yes, I was a little drunk too.

He sighed softly and started ascending the stairs when I realized what was happening. 

"Let me go! Put me down right now!!" He was touching me, I was in his arms, and I definitely didn't want that.

"Stop moving. You are in no condition to control yourself." And just like that I did the exact opposite of what he asked for and started punching his chest and thrashing in his arms even if I did so very poorly. 

"Why? Why? Why are you doing this to me? Why did you do this to Liza? Why do you hate me so much?" After taking the last step of the stairs, he stood at the landing, completely still and looking straight ahead with no intention to look at my tear stained eyes. His face as expressionless as ever but the words that came out of his mouth were something completely different.

"You know I love you right?" And just like that my mind went completely blank. 

There was absolutely nothing that I could think of which would help me understand what he just said or his complete behaviour and actions since the first time I met him. How could he possibly claim such a ridiculous statement?

I am so sorry. You know I love you right?

The night from that  basement flashed blindingly in front of my eyes as I remembered him, kneeling in front of Liza, head bowed down, begging for forgiveness, when she was unconscious and tied up to the chair. He said the same things when she was being tortured like that. Like it was supposed to be a pain relieving comfort of some sort. Either that was the case or perhaps...

"You need to answer this time, Roza." 

Those words were actually addressed to me even if I wasn't there. 

I couldn't decide or assess what the actual situation was. There was no way that I wanted to give him the benefit of doubt and think that he is not trying to play with both of us, but at the same time I wanted to know what was the actual case. It was hard with these men and my overthinking self to come to a conclusion, but I needed the answer so that I could know the man who actually did this to Liza. 

"I. Don't. Think. So." The words came out exactly as harsh as I wanted them to be. Jaw clenched and angry, I was not going to let him win his game that he spun so wickedly. I am going to play, and I am going to win.

Let the games begin.