Submitting

Weapon

I was not quite awake when tears started streaming down my cheeks, making me wince at the harsh reality of what's happening. I didn't want this, I don't want this. I just want this to be over with. The urge to even breathe had left my body as I cried uncontrollably and hugged a pillow closer to my chest to shut the bleeding hole in my chest. It was empty, and I wanted everything to just end right then and there. So much pain, it was unbearable.

You have to stay strong.

As much as I wanted to stop crying, I couldn't. It didn't make me feel weak but instead, I felt free of the bonds that held everything together for so long. I wanted Liza by my side no matter what and I wanted her safe. Whatever has been happening has gone for too long, and I was over it.

The sudden surge of pulsating adrenaline made me sit up as my eyes sprang open, and my hands rubbed my tears away. I was done. Heaving deeply, I tried to muster up all my strength and got out of bed to the bathroom with determination. I couldn't let my dishevelled self go in front of those two ravenous beings and let them get the pleasure of seeing me in pain which they seemed to enjoy inhumanely.

Red eyes with hollow caves underneath. Rough frizzy hair and tear-stained cheeks. Cracked lips and pale skin. I didn't feel helpless as I looked at the reflection in the mirror. The only thing that kept spinning in my head was that one day I would look back at this moment and realize how important it was.

Because this was the turning point.

This is where everything changed.

****

The kitchen was empty and so was the house. Or rather it felt like it as the screech of the wooden planks beneath my feet was the only audible sign of life. A little unsure of the present circumstance I couldn't decide whether I should investigate or pretend to be non-existent as I tried to find something useful which might possibly help me in the near future. Surely they wouldn't be so dumb to keep the knives or anything sharp that can be utilized as a weapon anywhere near me.

The drawer with neat and clean organization of cutlery said otherwise.

It didn't make the slightest bit of sense to keep the shining kitchen knives in drawers and creating an inconvenience while cooking. It didn't make sense at all for them to keep kitchen knives in this house let alone the kitchen after everything they have done and are continuing to do. Confidence in themselves or the fact that I would step out of the line and try to do something I shouldn't. 

This could be an advantage. Their blind eye turned towards this side of me which they have never witnessed. 

As tempting as the butcher knife seemed, there was no way I could have carried it around with me at all times without giving away the obvious. Hard to hide too. The glare of the bright kitchen lights reflected off it as I averted my gaze and tried to find an alternative that I could utilize more efficiently. On the other side of the drawer, placed in descending order, was the smallest fruit knife available from the set. The cold metal handle in my warm hand felt comfortable as the rough ridges gave it a better grip while its sharp edge sliced my skin just enough to not draw any blood. 

Content with my find, I decided to waste no time as I shut the drawer and made sure nothing was out of place except for what I had hidden in the waistband of my undergarment. 

Things seemed to be moving way too smoothly. I wasn't complaining, it just felt uncomfortable and new after so long. Strange how nobody leaped out of the shadows and caught me red-handed as I quietly made my way out of the kitchen and into the long hallway again in search of something I had no idea about until I came in front of the door to my escape. 

Escaping hadn't even come to my mind. Not once. I felt betrayed by myself as I failed to come up with this possible option or rather a necessity while I roamed this dark house so freely. Daylight shined through the blurred glass adorning the hardwood door with designs I couldn't quite see clearly in the dim light and yet the doorknob visible. Cold and smooth as I contemplated turning it and listening to the satisfactory click of the latch unlocking from the slot, opening and revealing what laid outside. 

Freedom. 

I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, mustering all the strength I could to release the tight hold on the knob and turn around to walk away. It was not the right day. The circumstances were not in my favour. Liza was still lost. I had no idea where but the possibility of her being here was not impossible, and I was not going to leave until and unless I was sure. Even if she wasn't in here then maybe I could find some clues or information about her whereabouts. Either way, I had no plans of leaving empty-handed. 

After a turn away from the door, I exhaled slowly, in control and calm, and opened my eyes to meet green ones.