May Flowers - Sanders Sides Fanfiction

❁Lily of the Incas - Mutual Support❁

AU: Canon

TW: Mild Panic Attack

WC: 1059

Date: 5/3/2021

Janus was just planning on getting some food from the light side's kitchen. It was supposed to be a quick trip, but he could hear a familiar ragged breathing from the commons. It was a sound he used to know, and a sound that immediately made him want to help. He didn't have that right anymore; not after the fight. Not after Virgil left. Janus curled and uncurled his fingers until a thought came to him and he quickly shifted into Patton's appearance. Even if he didn't have the right to help, he wouldn't abandon Virgil.

"Hey, Kiddo, I'm here." He said, mimicking the moral side's voice and chirpy attitude, though it was a bit sedated given the situation. "Breath in for me, can you do that?"

Virgil violently shook his head no, his panic rising and Janus held his hand over Virgil's knee. "We'll take it slow. You don't have to be better right away, I'll stay here to help, okay?"

One breath at a time, Virgil was eventually able to control his breathing, his hands still shaking as he grabbed onto the first thing he could get purchase on. He needed an anchor, and Janus was happy to provide it. "Do you want to talk about it kiddo?"

Virgil shook his head no.

"You don't have to. I'll be right here for as long as you need."

Virgil shuddered, hesitating before scooting closer to who he thought was Patton, curling into his warm embrace. Janus couldn't help but smile when Virgil eventually fell asleep. Though, it was a sad smile. Janus was not blameless in the destruction of their relationship. He had done what he thought was right, protecting both Thomas and Virgil by hiding certain truths from them. He didn't fully regret what he had done, but he regretted the effect it had had on the anxious side. Constantly being lied to by someone he thought he could trust had taken its toll, and it had broken their relationship in a way that Janus thought was irreparable.

With a sigh, he stood up, scooping Virgil up with him and thanking Remus that proper physics did not always apply in the mindscape. It was easy enough to carry the taller side back to his room, tucking him into his cobweb-themed blankets. He wanted to stay, make sure that no nightmares could plague someone he still thought of as family, but he had lost that right years ago.

Gently, Janus ran a hand through Virgil's hair as he shifted back into his own for. "Sleep well my little spider." Then he slipped out of the room and back towards his own.

That would not be the last time he took on Patton's appearance to help Virgil. It was supposed to be only for larger issues, panic attacks, spirals, and other things he shouldn't have to face alone; but Janus got addicted to the feeling. He started to shift more often, just to help with a puzzle or get him something from the kitchen. It was nice, feeling wanted. On the other hand, he was growing to hate himself. He was lying to Virgil once again, doing a thing that Virgil hated. He was repeating the same habit that had broken their relationship in the first place. He knew he needed to back off before Virgil got too suspicious.

It was probably a good time to isolate himself anyway; he could cut himself off completely while he hid out in his room. His shed was about to start, and he never felt like himself during those times anyway.

Janus locked the door, closing his eyes as he took in a deep breath. He could already feel his body itching under his skin and he fought the urge to scratch at it. He rubbed the back of his neck. "This isn't going to be a torturous week at all." Even alone in his room sarcasm came too easily for him.

He had prepared the best that he could, all that was left was waiting. Normally, his shed wasn't too bad, Remus would come in and interrupt, forcing him to think about something else but his chaotic friend had been spending a lot of his time with the others, learning their quirks and finding the best ways to irritate them. Janus had never seen Remus so happy, so he didn't expect his friend to come to visit him. He was going to be alone with his thoughts for the next week and a half.

At least, he should have been.

Two days in and Janus was already feeling crummy, he figured the knocking at his door was just an auditory hallucination. Then it happened again. He pushed himself up out of bed, confusion written in his tight brows as he shuffled over to the door.

"Virgil?" What was Anxiety doing at his door? And why was his foot bouncing up and down as if he was concerned?

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He shoved his way in and if Janus were in a better state he would have made some snarky comment.

"What?"

"You are shedding, and you are doing that thing where you try to take care of it alone."

"Well, yes-"

"You always get grumpy and it lasts twice as long when you do it alone."

Janus watched him, mouth agape in half-formed words that never came.

"What? Just because I'm still mad at you doesn't mean I can't help."

"R...right, thank you."

"Yeah, whatever, and thank you for helping me with my anxiety attacks or whatever."

He had to fight back a blush of embarrassment when he realized he had been caught. "I don't know what you mean."

"Yeah, your shed also makes you a shit liar. Patton doesn't remember helping me, and he wouldn't lie intentionally. Which means you were pretending to be Patton. Just because I'm not as smart as you or Logan doesn't mean I'm not observant. I am Anxiety after all."

"I just didn't think you'd want my help."

"I didn't, but... I don't know, it was nice to have it? Look, I'm not ready for some sentimental conversation or heart to heart, but we can like mutually support each other without it being awkward okay?"

Janus nodded, finally seeming to regain his footing a bit. "I believe I can agree to that."