The Bends - JJ x Kiara

Escape

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(JJ)

It's been about a month since John B and Sarah died.
And it's been about a month since I started turning to unhealthy ways to cope. Like shit that involves physical, and emotional pain. My knuckles have never been more bruised. Same goes to my heart.
My dad found out about John b and Sarah taking his boat out to sea. Let's just say he didn't take it too well.
I couldn't sleep that night. My body ached so badly, I thought I was going to die. I now have a rough, crimson scar going down my cheekbone. It still hasn't faded.
Kie and Pope started dating. Well, I found them hooking up at the beach near the chateau. Just after I had wiped the white powder off my nose. My eyes were glassy. I felt my heart crack, if that was even goddamn possible.
I felt shitty the entire day.
Hell, I couldn't even jerk myself off to sleep. Also, there probably weren't enough socks left to use. I wasn't about to get my hands messy.

I'm alone most of the time.
I pick fights with the kooks. I scream insults at them. I throw the first punch. And then I let them take the last. I just need to...feel some shit.
Usually at the kook parties, there are a ton of girls. I hook up with them. Almost all of them.
I come home burnt out, drunk, with dark purple hickeys scattered around my neck. Sometimes I take viagra so they think I always last a super long time. And, those little blue pills make my d!ck look bigger. Heh.
But none of those girls are her.
I think about her almost every time I jizz. It's like a disease. It eats me up. I can't even finish to porn anymore.

Every morning, I get these really bad migraines. I don't have enough money for medicine. I tried to down some pills my dad had in the cabinet, when the headaches got unbearable. They didn't relieve the pain; but they had me coming back for more the next day.
These days, I cant even look at my own reflection in the mirror without gagging. Fuck is wrong with me?
Did John b really have that much impact on my happiness?
I'd never find out, anyway.
He's probably at the bottom of the goddamn ocean.
Maybe he's with his Dad up in the sky, and they're bathing in fucking gold bars and cash.
Sounds like a nicer life then what I have now. I'd rather not talk about the rest. Not what started since I picked up that one beer bottle shard. During the night he passed.
I have to keep stealing bandaids for my arms.

My best friends nowadays are my incredible blunts. Rolled by yours truly. Fucking perfection.
Throw a beer in the combo, and you're smooth sailing, baby. Super high, super drunk, super carefree.
Not worrying about the issues you're holding on your back. The weights constantly pushing farther down on your chest.
Until one day,
They crush you.
And you're broken.

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(Kiara)

It's been about a month since John b and Sarah passed away.
I started going out with Pope. About two nights after that tragic moment, I agreed to go on a date with him. We tried to forget. We tried.
Pope had leaned into me, and I decided to kiss him back. It was nice. It felt right.
But I was thinking about someone I shouldn't have been thinking about. Why? I had absolutely no, fucking idea.
My parents have been on my d!ck about seeing the pogues. (minus John b). Ever since the incident, and the couple that held the group together went missing, they think the same will happen to me. What do they know, anyway?
I started riding my bike more often. I also started skateboarding. I had built up more stamina.
I've been spending more and more time with Pope.
And I haven't seen much of JJ.
John b's death had affected us all; but it hit JJ the hardest.
Whenever I caught him, he was either snorting a line or smoking weed. Or, coming back from some house party either completely beaten up, or decorated with love bites.
And it felt like my heart had been cracked into small pieces.
I wasn't sure what I was feeling for him. But seeing him so lifeless... it made me realize how much I needed him in my life. I don't know what I would do without his occasional dirty jokes, his little dimple that popped out when he smiled, or his blunts. They were rolled so perfectly. Occasionally, I would smoke them with him.
Pope and John b never smoked. They would refrain from pulling the joint right out from JJ's mouth. They knew not to mess with me, though. I'd stare daggers through their eyes until they let us huff and puff our weed in peace.
I remember bickering over John b's safety on the HMS... before he died. Pope was clearly green with envy. He thought I cared for John b the most. Started bringing up my kook years. That hurt.
JJ just sat silently. His face twisting up in discomfort. His huge hands covering the back of his head.
I felt horrible. I knew JJ hated when his best friends argued.
But he defended me the entire time. I tried to hide my smile that night.
After we dropped Pope off, we docked the boat in front of John b's chateau. He wasn't home. We thought he was probably at Sarah's.
I think JJ had forgotten what had happened that night. We inhaled way too much weed that caused us to speak about everything and nothing. We mostly spoke about JJ and his father. I reassured him that I'd always be here for him. Always.
And then, we let our urges take over.
The morning after, JJ didn't remember a thing. He woke up dreary. He was shirtless; his back moved up and down slowly with every breath he took.
I was wearing the same clothes I had on last night.
I couldn't recall the small details, but I knew something had happened between us. Because my legs were hurting. And JJ had hickeys everywhere; mainly all over his sharp v-line.

Neither of us talked about it to this day. And neither of us ever told Pope.
We wanted to keep it that way.
The blunt must have been so strong, that it seeped through our brains and snatched the memories away.
I knew something had happened. Something we'd both regret later.
I just wasn't sure if JJ remembered.
We had never discussed it since.
I guess the "no pogue-on-pogue macking" rule didn't last very long.
I never meant to go through all three of them. JJ was a mistake. John b was a fling. And Pope would be something new. Something I haven't experienced before. Seeing him would be good for me. I'd finally be happy.

I shouldn't be reflecting on those memories anymore.
But I made a promise to myself earlier, that I'd make sure to check on JJ today. See how he's been holding up. I'd also promise to never bring up that night to him. For all I know, he could remember at any second. It could all come rushing back to his mind.
I wanted to see him. I wanted to hold him again.
I wanted to see how he's been dealing. Coping.
Even though I know he's breaking down on the inside.
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