Love Story Short | Jikook/Kookmin

Entry I

He doesn't understand. 

He thinks that I don't care about him, when if he cared enough about me as much as I did about him, maybe then I would show him how much I cared back.

He doesn't know.

He has no idea how much I have been holding myself back, because there is no way I would confess to him that I have a crush on him. There is no way I would tell him that from the first time that I saw him, he looked so boyfriend material, that he looked so gorgeous and if someone was to date him, that person would be really, extremely lucky.

He has no clue that because of how beautifully he smiles I searched up my sexuality online, just in case any gender attraction label can identify the reason why my heart is beating so unevenly at even the smallest show of affection from his side.

I guess this is how I react when I have a crush. I'm rude and careless, because if I don't act that way, that person will see through my insecurities and find out — in the deadliest way possible, because let's be honest, there is no normal way of finding out that your 'straight' friend has a crush on you from the first sight — that I am heavily, deeply frenzied even by the imagination of being fancied back.

He is a bit blind, even though he would stubbornly admit that there is no way he wouldn't have realized such a thing.