Love Story Short | Jikook/Kookmin

Entry II

I bought a shirt that I really liked. Yugyeom wasn't home but Jimin and Taehyung saw me try it on and called me over to take a look at it. It turns out that I was scammed, basically paid triple the amount for a shirt that they had seen online just yesterday.

I felt stupid.

And then I started crying. 

He wouldn't even imagine that I childishly cried that day not because I care about the price frankly, but because maybe if I cried, his teasing tone would become the soft that melts me, his eyes would grow into crescents of silly smiles upon my silly state, and he would feel bad for maybe being 'too much' and for going too far with his provoking in this gentler way, just maybe, come over for a comforting hug.

It's honestly not that hard to ignore my little platonic crush, because all I have to do is being harsh. And mean. And very straightforward if I have to.

He asked me about first impressions. I told him that I thought he was an empty person that was only preoccupied with having fun. When he became shocked and obviously a little hurt — even though he would never admit it out loud, even though inside maybe it did a double take and spiraled into a thought train because he cares about impressions more than he lets on — I tried telling him that it only and only was a first impression. So of course, he dug for more, his curiosity knows no soft or harsh limits, therefore he asked me:

"What do you think about me now, then?"

Now, there are a million things I could tell him, all of which would classify under the category of 'confession'. And nobody can tell me that I should have been brave and done something that would barely classify as such, because I don't have that balance and he doesn't know when to stop. So I told him, that I didn't know him. That we only shared a lodge, that we were only roommates and that I knew scarce about him. 

Plain, empty, and maybe a little disappointing, right? Considering the fact that I am the type to ramble out nonsense words that most of the time fall into the right track and turn out to  be correct about others. It was definitely weird that I had nothing to say about him, just because I didn't know him. I don't have to know people to make judgements about them, I can just talk my mind out. I can make bullshit up, there is only one person that can pass me in that, which is why that person probably became my best friend in the first place. Let's just not bring Yugyeom into this, shall we.

I am all over the place.