𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟮 ⁑ t.holland

11. honest opinions

It's been a while since Andrea started talking about moving into a bigger place with Harrison. It was still early with the baby and all, but she wanted to get comfortable in her new home with Haz long before she even had to worry about the kid.

It was understandable.

Once again though, hearing her talk about later moving into a bigger house with a backyard and two big dogs. I knew it was all she's ever wanted but I didn't get it. I couldn't, for the life of me, understand the excitement.

Andrea grew up in Ohio with both her parents. She was an only child for the soul reason that her parents were gone on work trips often. Don't get me wrong, her parents loved their daughter with their entire being, but they were gone most of the time. On top of that, they were loaded so they were able to afford a full-time nanny. 

To her, not having her parents around drove her to wanting to be the best mom she could be. She wanted to be in her kid's life unlike her parents. But to me, with the divorce, the lack of communication from either of my parents, and the death of my mom, it terrified me of the idea of having to raise a kid of my own.

Thinking about having to put my all in a child scared me so much it made me sick to my stomach. I could never be a good mother. I didn't have that great of an example and I grew up thinking my life was normal. The fighting, the screaming, the leaving, the flights-- all of it. I would never forgive myself if I put a kid through that.
I don't think I'll ever get the kind of future Andrea dreams about every night.

I pushed my back against the door, a large cardboard box in my arms. I turn around to the large, empty apartment and smile, looking over my shoulder to Andy who held a smaller box against her chest. Her smile was bright and, oh my god, she looked so happy. It put a smile on my face even with all the terrifying thoughts and memories coursing through my mind right about now.

I pushed the box in the corner along with the other 8 at the furthest end of the living room, before turning around and sighing. 
Tom and Harrison then walked in with their own boxes, talking about something else Andy and I didn't know. They were laughing and making their way into a hall leading to all three bedrooms before Tom quickly turned back around to face Andrea.

She stood there, confused, box still in hand. Tom walked over to her with a more serious expression, yet a smile still lingered. He put the bigger box in one arm and put his free hand out, grabbing the box from her hands. "I'll take that... you just have to tell us where to put everything" He said with a grunt, balancing both boxes against one another.

Andrea laughed and shook her head. With a wave of her hand, she told him where she was planning on putting the box and the two boys were off.
As for me, I let her know I'd be going back down to pick up another box and she nodded. I shut the door behind me, leaving Andrea alone in the empty living room until Harrison came back around.

He looked at the door and back at his girlfriend before leaning into the counter, a more stern look on his chiseled features. Andy lowered her head and sighed, pouting. "Look, I know we talked about it, and I know I said I wouldn't argue, but--"

"Andy--" Haz started, getting cut off by her again.

"No, Harrison." She spoke with a pleading tone. "Brook's my best friend, I can't just completely keep her out of this baby's life!" 

He pushed himself off the counter and bit the inside of his lip, feeling just as much heartbreak about all of this as she was. He didn't want to say these kinds of things or make this kind of decision right now, but he had every right to put his baby's needs before mine. "Have you seen her, Andrea?" He tilted his head a little, the brunette staying silent. "She's drinking again, she's not showing up to work, she's barely even talking-- Wh-- She's a mess. How do we know she won't be any different once the baby comes?"