𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟮 ⁑ t.holland

16. it was never about the music

I was never really nervous when it came to shows. More often than not, I was either drunk or high so the adrenaline rush before every concert never truly affected me as much as others. Even when I was completely sober, which didn't happen as often as I wanted it to, I was more excited than anything else to be honest. 

But now, looking up at the monitors, it sent an cold chill down my spine, one I almost never felt during times like these. Watching as the cameras circled the arena, how every fan held up signs with both Nick and I's names written on them. 

All of these people truly believed they knew the truth. That the songs I've been pouring my heart and soul into were about Nick, and not Tom. In fact, Tom was never even brought up into this whole mess, which in a way I guess is a good thing, but I rather people know about the real thing than lie. 

Every single fan out there made my job possible. I can't take the credit for everything when they're the ones who really got this thing started. Being asked to lie to them felt like a slap to the face, it stung horribly. 
I might act as though I don't give a rat's ass about anything, but in reality, these people-- kids-- were what my life revolved around. Obviously there are a few that go above what I'd consider just a normal fan, but for the most part, I care about each of 'em.

This whole PR stunt has been pissing me off since the beginning.
I was hoping Monica had heard about it and was on her way back but, it was too late. Lea had been prepping for this whole show for months and she was just waiting for the right opportunity to push both Nick and I into the deep end. 

I was tempted to just stay home and not even show up to the damn thing... but, I knew it'd do more harm than good. 
Lea was asking me to go up on that stage and lie to everyone's face.

Tom's feelings barely even crossed my mind up until now. Things were starting to look up for us and now... with what she was asking us to do up there... what if it fucked everything up?

I felt Nick's hand on my shoulder, pulling my attention away from the monitors. I forced a smile on my face and sighed. We were both nervous and it was blatantly obvious. 
"You ready?" He asked over the sound of people cheering.

I paused and lowered my head, looking down at the microphone in my hand. 
Honestly? No. I want to run out of here and kick Lea's ass for making me do this. This wasn't okay. Why couldn't I just tell everyone who it was all about before getting caught in this mess? 
"Yeah, I will be once this is all over." I tell him.

The stage manager signals us to come up behind the curtain. She goes over everything we've already talked about hours prior, before wishing us luck. 
I look up to Nick, his eyes fixated on the stage. 

"Brook, Nick, you guys ready?" I turn my head, watching as Lea walked over to us with a smile on her face.

My jaw clenches subconsciously, rage bubbling up inside of me. 
She laughs a little and claps her hands together. "You better sell the shit out of this performance."

Thankfully, before I had the chance to jump down from the platform and push her down onto the ground, we heard a man's voice echo through the stadium, causing the screaming to become even louder. He did his big introductory speech and I felt Nick's hand wrap around mine.

We both look at each other. Neither of us are smiling yet, but we have this kind of silent way of telling each other that things will be okay in the end.

We're told to walk out. Both of us force a smile and step out onto the stage, lights blinding me the second I was exposed to the thousands of people surrounding us. 

Nick and I make our way down stage, waving and acting as though we were some kinds of soulmates. 

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