Slowly my dreams start to feel real, like a second reality.
I'm not exactly happy but I'm stable.
I'm free to make my own decisions, go down my own paths.
I can make plans with my friends, party into the next morning.
Be who I want to be, no judgment in my dreams.
I'm free to express who I am, I have no one to tie me down, i have no one to hold me back. I have no one telling me what to do or how I should live my life. I don't have to worry about how others perceive me. I live up to no one's expectations.
Why should I? I always get told I should be myself yet the same people tell me not to.
Waking up into the real world is like someone kicking you in the face and screaming good morning.
Ready to be put back into my chains.
Longer I go the sicker I get of these damn alarms screeching in my ears.
I can't even breathe.
There is no escape, there is no open your window for fresh air, no.
Because the damn basturds lock them.
I feel so responsible for my own health yet i don't have the freedom to look after myself.
I love to express myself through words but every time the assholes get a glimpse of my work, they shame me.
This is disgusting.
It makes me feel disgusting.
Everyday I feel like I'm crazy, they make me feel crazy.
Rumours surround me. Push me, poke me.
For fuck sake why am I so insecure?
I feel like my clothes are too revealing but I'm only wearing leggings and big jumper.
When is too much too much.
I want to chop off my boobs because they are too much. Not because I hate them, because I'm child in care who can't look at all seductive.
What happened to accepting my body for what it is?
My eye bags grow bigger and bigger, my temptations for breaking out of here grow eager.
I want live again.
I want to truly smile again.
Laugh like the old days.
Sit in my own garden without feeling watched.
No more cctv.
No more alarms.
No more locked windows.
No more expectations.
Welcome the understanding.
Welcome the accepting.
But let's not get our hopes up.
Because before the time I taste my freedom I could be done living.
