I will always remember your presence
That smile and laughter that filled the room with such joy that i will never feel again
You where in such pain, you felt like no one understood, cared or even had any notice.
I was only a child but only if I was just a few years older, a little wiser I would have understood everything.
You where nothing but a poor man, abused by both parents, no one to show you what being loved was like.
So scared of trusting people that you became closed, you avoided your own children and came running to drugs and alcohol.
I know what it feels like to use a substance to numb the pain you feel, just for a few seconds of mental silence, a moment to think.
The drugs didn't silence those thoughts for you, so to protect your loved ones, you would be gone for days, be always breaking your promises even though you didn't want to but deep down in your heart you tore yourself apart in guilt.
I can only imagine the thoughts crawling in your brain, like lifeless zombies, digging and eating at you like if there was no tomorrow.
"Is this even worth it?"
"What am I fighting for?"
"What is my purpose?"
We could never answer those questions but I always had hope for you, to find why you are here, to answer those questions. You where so drained gary that you lost hope in everything. A common light. A red light. It shone upon you and now you're dead. The suicide light.
You took your own life even though it wasn't even your turn to go yet.
For once was a kind gentle man, twisted into a dark tale, history.
But we must continue, I and those who care live on in your memory.
You inspired me to find my purpose.
I have not yet found it but if I never give up and if I work hard may be one day those questions will be answered for me.
I love you, and I will never stop loving you
In your memory
Gary Clark, 1983~2017
Rest in peace ♡
