Dear Marco ✅

XIX

XIX - DYING WISH

Her life became a constant routine of pain and suffering kada araw na lumilipas. She knew before that she had to experience this kind of pain in order to be fully healed. Kaya lang, may mga araw na sinusumpa niya ang tadhana at pagkakataon. She thought she was fine. Why did her disease have to take a turn for the worse? 

She also knew that she really should be grateful for Marco for staying pero hindi ganun ang nararamdaman niya. She doesn't feel a little bit thankful. Gusto niyang palayuin si Marco. Gusto niyang itulak palayo ang lalaki para lang ipamukha dito na huwag sayangin ang pagmamahal sa kaniya. Kung may isang bagay man na nagpapasalamat siya, yun ay ang napatunayan niya na mahal din siya ng lalaki. 

She always thought that her love would be forever unrequited. After all, they grew up together and she was aware that Marco didn't see her that way. 

Her monologue was cut short when she heard a commotion outside her room. Hindi niya maiwasang hindi ito mapansin dahil ang boses ng mga ito ay pamilyar. Based on her judgement, it's her mom, Marco and... Tita Cristine, Marco's mom. 

"Go home, Thoren! Hindi ito ang pinangarap kong buhay para sa'yo!" rinig niyang sigaw ng  nanay ni Marco. Hindi niya maintindihan ang takbo ng usapan pero wari'y niya'y dahil ito sa hindi pag-uwi ni Marco ng ilang linggo para lamang samahan siya. 

"Excuse me? Anong ibig mong sabihin sa sinasabi mong 'yan, Tine?" rinig niyang sagot ng nanay niya. For some reason, her mom sounds triggered as if she's irritated by something. Maybe the tone of Marco's mother and the way she said she didn't want this kind of life for her son. 

"You know exactly what I mean. Magkaibigan tayo, Sen. Pero huwag niyong ganituhin ang anak ko. Kirsen obviously has no chance of survival pero hinahayaan at kinukonsinte niyo ang anak kong mahal ang anak niyo na nakaratay!" 

"Ma! Ano bang pinagsasabi mo! Nasa kwarto lang si Kirsen at maririnig ka niya!"

"Then let her! Para matauhan din siya na hindi kayo bagay!" 

Shock. Hurt. Those were probably the two things that first came to her mind the moment those words were uttered by Marco's mom. Wala siyang lakas pero sa pagkakataong 'yon she wished so bad she could stand up and walk to the door. Gusto niya malamang kung anong nangyayari at bakit ganun ang naging takbo ng usapan.

It was so quiet na akala niya ay wala na sila doon. Not until she heard a familiar crisp sound of a palm hitting what she believed to be a face. Alam niya kung sino ang nanampal kanino at siguro that gave her an adrenaline rush dahil napilit niya ang sariling tumayo. Her legs were wobbly and every step hurts pero kailangan niyang makalapit sa pinto. Kailangan niyang malaman anong problema. 

"How. Dare. You." rinig niyang saad ng nanay niya, "Matagal na kitang kaibigan and that's the only thing stopping me from hurting you more than I should at the moment.

"Tingin mo ba, ginusto ng anak ko na nakaratay siya? Ginusto niya na may taning ang buhay niya? No! I know my daughter and she wanted to live so bad! Kung pwede ko lang ibigay buhay ko madugtungan lang ang sa kaniya, I would gladly do it! 

"Kung iniisip mo ang anak mo, then tell him to stay away from my daughter. Matanda na siya. Hindi ko kontrolado ang isip niya. At ganun ka rin sana alam mo 'yon. Hindi rin namin hiningi sa anak mo ang perang itinutulong niya sa amin, alam ni Thoren kung ilang beses na namin siyang tinanggihan, siya ang ayaw makinig." basag ang boses ng nanay niya na halatang nagpipigil ng emosyon. 

Naabutan niyang nakayuko si Tita Cristine na hawak hawak ni Marco at ang nanay niya na nanginginig, kung sa galit ay hindi niya sigurado. 

"I know how badly you wanted your mother-in-law's approval at ngayon na nagpapakita ng disgusto ang  nanay ni Raymond kay Thoren dahil sa relasyon nila ng anak ko, natatakot ka na baka bumalik ang disgusto niya sa'yo." nakita niyang umiling ang nanay niya, "But that doesn't give you the right to say those words sa anak ko na sinusubukan lang namang mabuhay..." 

"Sen..."

"Tita..." halos magkapanabay na saad ng mag-ina pero umiling ang nanay niya. And she knew. She knew she had to act at that moment. 

"Please," her voice was hoarse and faint but it was enough to attract their attention. "Leave." 

Unang nakalapit sa kaniya si Marco sunod ang nanay niya. Winaksi niyang kamay ni Marco bago kumapit sa nanay niya. She held on to her as if she was holding on for dear life. "Umalis na kayong dalawa. At huwag na kayong babalik..."

Punom-puno ng luha ang mata ng nanay ni Marco pero wala siyang makapang awa para dito. Mas naaawa siya sa nanay niya. Her mother was obviously hurt and betrayed and she couldn't stand still at that thought lalo na't dahil 'yon sa kaniya. Kung hindi sana siya nagkasakit, hindi gaganituhin ng  ibang tao ang Mama niya. Lalo na ng kaibigan nito. 

"Kirstin, I'm sorry... Nasabi ko lang 'yon kasi-"

"Please, leave!" sigaw niya. And it took a toll on her body to force her voice a notch higher. Tumango tango naman ang nanay ni Marco bago humingi ulit ng patawad at umalis. 

Tiningnan niya si Marco na nakahawak pa rin sa kaniya. "Para sa'yo rin 'yon. I want you to leave and never come back. Please." 

"No," iling ni Marco. 

"Leave, Marco." aniya, "Walang patutunguhan ito. Tama ang nanay mo. Hindi na magtatagal ang buhay ko and I want to spend it away from you." pagsisinungaling pa niya. 

That couldn't be more wrong, she realized. Kahit na may mga doubts siya sa relasyon nila ni Marco, gusto niyang nasa tabi niya ang binata kahit ba nasa isipan na rin naman niya na itulak ito palayo. Siguro Diyos na rin ang gumawa ng paraan para di na siya mahirapan. 

She heard her mother choke a sob and it broke her heart. Nakita niya rin ang pagtulo ng luha sa mga mata ni Marco. She bit her lips to stop herself from taking her words back. He needs to leave and forget her. Go back to his life before she entered his world. 

"Go back to your old life, Marco." she smiled, a forced one at that, "If ever I'll leave this world, I want you to grieve for me the way you'd grieve for an old friend. Not a lover." 

"Alam mong imposible 'yon..." 

Hindi niya na pinansin si Marco at nagpaalalay sa nanay niya na bumalik na sila sa kama. Pero di pa siya nakakalayo ay muling nagsalita si Marco. 

"Is that what you really want?" his voice sounds defeated. She bit her lips to stop herself from crying. 

No. she wanted to say but she didn't. Instead, she nodded and left.