Dear Marco ✅

XVII

XVII - ALL I WANT

SHE always knew that when it comes to love, it is normal to get hurt. Love comes with pain and pain makes you take care of the things you love more. Napakadali na sabihin ang mga bagay na hindi mo ginustong sabihin kapag nasaktan. She was aware of this truth. 

She loved Thoren Marco Sylvestre for a long time. 

And her feelings was something he shouldn't have known. It was a burden.

She knew the risk of telling him what she feels. He could either reject and avoid her or fall in love with her. Although she liked the thought of experiencing the latter, she couldn't afford it.

She was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor when she was 9 years old. Nobody else knew about it because her parents was scared that she won't be able to live her life normally. She underwent through chemotherapy treatment and operations. It was then that she developed her passion for art. And her very first subject was none other than the man she loves, Thoren Marco Sylvestre.

Gumaling siya and everybody forgot about it. Until it came back with a vengeance. Walang nag-akala na babalik ang sakit niya. She was cancer free already. Dineclare na na wala na siyang sakit pero wala ring makapagbigay ng maayos na dahilan kung bakit ito bumalik.

The thought of losing her life without telling the man she loves about her feelings might become her greatest regret if ever. Kaya nagplano siya.

The first letter was too damn corny. Wala siyang kaide-ideya kung papaano gumawa ng love letters. It looked easy on the movies. Pero along the way nag-eenjoy na rin naman siya.

Meeting him wasn't part of the plan. Pero nag-aalala siya rito tuwing umiinom ito. Kahit may mga kasama. Madalas nakikipag-usap at lumalapit lang siya dito kapag lasing ito. Thoren has low tolerance for alcohol kaya mabilis itong malasing. He's the type to forget everything after he's drunk so she took advantage of the situation with that in mind.

Making him fall for her was definitely out of the equation. Pero sa tuwing nararamdaman niya na nagiging seryoso na sa kaniya si Thoren. Pakiramdam niya dahan-dahang nabubuhay ang pag-asa sa puso niya. She knows it's wrong. May sakit siya at anytime pwede siyang mawala sa mundong ito. Ayaw niyang iwanan ng sakit at sugat ang puso ni Thoren pero hindi niya rin kayang tiisin ang sarili niya.

She gave in to her feelings and enjoyed every minute with him every night. Kahit wala silang ginagawang kababalaghan, sobrang saya ng puso niya. Alam niyang nirerespeto siya ni Thoren dahil sinubukan niya ang tatag nito maraming beses na. She tried to seduce him and although it worked he managed to control himself.

He's a total gentleman that's needed in this world.

Pero nasira ang lahat ng pinlano niya ng malaman na ni Thoren na siya si Nes. Alam niyang nasaktan niya ito. She clearly saw the hurt and disappointment in his eyes.

"Kirsen...you have to take your meds. Please..."

Nilingon niya ang ina. Sumikip ang dibdib niya at namasa ang gilid ng kaniyang mga mata habang tinitingnan ang mukha ng mommy niya. She looked 10 years older than she really is and there are obvious grey hairs on her head.

They want her to drink her medicine pero ayaw niya. Ayaw niya na mabuhay. She has no regrets anymore. Nasabi niya na kay Thoren ang nararamdaman niya. Alam na rin ni Thoren ang totoo. Kung mawawala siya, nandyan naman ang mga kapatid niya para bantayan ang magulang nila. She can finally rest. She's so tired. So, so tired.

"Please ate magpagaling ka naman..." Her bratty sister was crying. The brat won't even cry no matter how hurt she is dahil sa taas ng pride nito. She remembered her sister telling her that crying makes people ugly and she will never cry in this lifetime.

But she broke her oath and was crying so hard for her.

"I'm so tired," she croaked.

Pagod na pagod na siya sa chemotherapy at ayaw niya na maoeprahan. Wala na ang mahaba at maalon niyang buhok na gustong gusto ni Thoren Marco.

Hurt flashed her eyes at the thought of the man in question. After he visited last month, hindi na ito bumalik although he sent fruits and flowers with get well soon cards on it. Kung tutuusin it was considered thoughtful of him that her parents were happy that he cared.

Pero iba siya. She felt nothing but cold towards his flowers and get well soon cards. She wanted his presence pero alam niyang galit pa rin ito sa kaniya. She really felt bad about it. Isa sa rason kung bakit lalo na siyang nawalan ng gana lumaban.

"Don't say that!" Sigaw ng kakambal niya. She smiled tiredly at his direction.  "You will live! Aantayin mo pa akong mag-asawa at mag-aasawa ako kapag 100 na tayo."

She wanted to laugh at her brother's antics but she was indeed so tired.

She heard the door opened but she didn't have the strength to look who came. It might be the nurse trying to give her meds for her to take.

"Kirsen..."

She froze hearing that voice. She mustered up all her strength to look at the source of that voice. It was none other than Thoren Marco Sylvestre.

"W-What are y-you doing here?"

Ramdam niya ang bikig sa kaniyang lalamunan habang pinipigilan ang emotion.

He came! He came for me!

May hawak itong bulaklak at basket ng hula niya ay prutas. He looks haggard and distressed. Di niya inasahan ang ganitong mukha ni Thoren ang haharap sa kaniya.

Hindi makasagot sa kaniya si Thoren. Nanatili itong nakatingin sa kaniya.
Bigla siyang nahiya sa titig nito. Wala na siyang buhok, maputla ang balat at sobrang payat niya na. She doesn't look good anymore.

Her family knows about her feelings towards Thoren Marco. Hindi niya na pinansin ang pasimpleng pagbulong ng daddy niya sa tenga nito bago sila umalis lahat.

Lumapit si Marco sa table at inilapag ang mga dala. Bago ito lumapit sa kama niya. Hindi parin ito umiimik at nakatitig sa kaniya.

"Stop staring. Alam kong hindi ako maganda."

Nabigla siya ng makita ang luhang tumutulo sa mga mata nito habang nakatitig sa kaniya. Tuloy-tuloy ang pagpatak ng luha nito kaya't naramdaman niyang namasa na rin ang gilid ng kaniyang mata.

Hindi nagtagal ay humagulhol ang lalaki habang mabining hinawakan ang  kamay niya. Ingat na ingat ito na para bang mababali siya sa simpleng paghawak lamang sa kamay niya.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I was an ass. I'm sorry."

Paulit ulit lang ang sinasabi nito habang humahagulhol. Hindi niya na napigilang mapaiyak habang nakatingin dito. Ramdam niya ang pagsisisi ng binata habang nakahawak sa kaniya. Para itong batang humahagulhol sa tabi niya.

Sinuklay niya ang buhok nito gamit ang kamay niyang hindi nito hawak. "I'm not mad, Marco. I'm okay. I'm okay." Pagpapakalma niya rito.

Umiling-iling ang lalaki bago nag-angat ng tingin. Her heart broke when she saw his tear stained face. He was never the emotional type of a man pero alam niyang malambot ang puso ng lalaking mahal niya.

"I will use whatever money and connections I have to find you the best doctor. Kung kailangan kong libutin ang buong mundo trying to find someone to cure you, then I'll do it. I can't lose you. You're all I want in this life, Kirsen." He declared.

Her heart was beating so fast she's sure it can be seen in the heart rate monitor attached to her. She was waiting for the words she longed to hear and he didn't disappoint.

"I love you, Kirsen. I can't lose you. I won't lose you." He admitted while kissing her fingers.