𝑻𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒓 ✘ 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐀 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐅𝐅

{5¹} {ACCEPTANCE}

∆ {5¹} {ACCEPTANCE} ∆ 

THEY HAD DECIDED very quickly that it would be better if they split off into small groups. Twos or threes seemed to be the general consensus, and naturally, Roxi had found herself with Natasha. No-one had said anything explicitly once they had seen her letter - which she'd made sure that all of them read - and none of them had used her real name save once or twice, presumably because they were in no way used to it. It had been five months since the fiasco in Leipzig, and while Roxi had managed to recover a little from the contempt that she had held herself in after Rhodey's accident, she would never quite be able to go back to the way that she had been before.

Natasha wasn't with Roxi, however. The redhead had mentioned about her past in Russia and Roxi had abstained from going with the woman, because she knew that it was too private for her to be involved with. She and Natasha trusted each other to any extent, but there were some things that one of them would have to be able to do alone, and this seemed to be one of them.

On her own, Roxi's boredom had grown existentially and she had found herself filling her time with any number of things. It had essentially become whatever she could do safely and without attracting attention. Attention was something that she could not afford to draw, not when tensions still ran so high and the incident in the airport was still so fresh on the world's mind. 

Currently, she sat on the shallow balcony of her hotel room in Venice. It was the best quality one that she had been able to find without arousing suspicion, and overlooked one of the shallower, dirtier canals that was not lit as splendidly as most of them. Still, the view was incredible, and it wasn't so awful. The water ran hot enough that Roxi had been able to submerge herself in a scalding tub of it, to burn the worries from her bones as if they were the flesh that wrapped them. She no longer took showers, because she couldn't wash the pain and the guilt off of her. Instead, she'd have to sear it off.

It's taken hours for the water to cool, and by that point, Roxi's skin was raw, her nerves tingling with the heat, and her mind had finally been beginning to drift away from the events of a few months prior. But her bliss that she found in her pain, the one that she used to purge her mind of whatever she could, did not last long, and she found it fading, even as she watched the sunset reflect off of the water below her. A lot of things were temporary, but there were a few things that seemed not to be. The first was the guilt and the regret and the pain that was etched into the stone of her being, that seemed so dreadfully permanent. It had layered over the years, because Roxi had found herself in so many circumstances that inspired it. She had never found a way out of those situations, and she doubted that she ever would. Even when she had tried the hardest she could to avoid it, she always ended up in the same place that she started. It was irrevocable, and somehow, she had yet to become used to it. 

The other matter that she was not quite ready to accept, was that of Natasha caring as deeply for her as she did the redhead. Before Natasha had left, she'd made sure to bring Roxi close and to murmur a soft 'I love you', and while Roxi had reacted swiftly enough in the moment to return the phrase and press her wooden keyring into the redhead's palm for luck, it still felt frightfully surreal.

Before she'd met the Avengers, she'd never have dared to dream about meeting the person who was right for her. In fact, she'd likely would've thought that such a person didn't exist. But now, as her mind wandered to the redhead and she wondered how the woman that she loved was holding up in Russia, she found herself smiling. Perhaps she could allow herself to relax, just for now, even if it was only for a moment. Amidst all the chaos and the pandemonium that the Accords had left in their wake, she would always be able to find one clearing in her mind, and that would be the space that Natasha had cut clear. It had, by no means, been easy for the redhead to find a way through Roxi's walls, or even to let her own fall far enough to try. Together, though, they had managed to claw their way through reality, however violently a situation may have required.