Busy being Yours

38. As Strangers

Okay.

I shared a table with Jason Andres inside the lounge while I study in peace. Tinanggap ko ang alok niyang Yakult at ininom rin iyon matapos ang ilang minuto na walang sama ng loob. I thought that he's just probably bored while I'm just too tired to think it all through.

Wala namang masama 'dun. On the outside, we're just two boring doctors who spent their vacant time with each other. At tama nga ako 'dun dahil matapos ang araw na 'yun ay tila hindi na naman kami nag-e-exist sa buhay ng isa't-isa... I mean, we see each other often because of how closely our departments work with each other but both of our existence weren't a necessity for each other. Kaya naman ay laking-gulat ko na naman nang may Jason Andres na namang lumapit sa mesa ko habang payapa akong kumakain ng pananghalian ko sa cafeteria ng hospital.

Unlike how it usually goes, I am all alone. Ebony's still in an OR while the rest of our interns were tailing another resident. Alas sais pa ng hapon ang schedule ng susunod kong surgery ngayong araw at kakatapos ko lang mag-rounds to check on a few post-op patients, and so I was left with no choice but to have lunch alone. I mean, I have the option to visit Lilith in her office or to bother my sister-in-law who is currently reviewing for her licensure exam pero masyado akong pagod para man lang mag-palit into my casual clothes. This is the exact reason why Greg is calling me a spinster. Alam ko! Masyadong exaggerated at masyado niyang pinapalabas na ang samang pakinggan but it's really not a big deal.

Oo na, single pa ako. I'm unmarried. But at least, I'm a doctor. I'm not struggling financially. I feel fulfilled after a day (or days) of work. And now... I just sound so defensive. Pero seryoso, hindi naman talaga ako bothered na malapit na nga akong pumasok sa category ng mga kababaihang lagpas na sa kalendaryo ang edad pero hindi pa nag-aasawa. I'm okay with it. Pero kasi kapag paulit-ulit itong pinapamukha sa 'kin (may it be through a joke or a harmless comment), it actually makes me think.

Am I really missing out on something great?

I was half way through tearing apart the poor excuse for a beef steak on my plate when someone placed his tray on the table, right across me. Gigil na gigil pa ang pagmumukha ko habang dahan-dahan kong inangat ang ulo ko para tingnan kung sino 'yon para batiin ito. Hindi na naman kasi bago para sa'kin na may bigla-bigla nalang na nakikiupo sa mesa ko habang kumakain ako. Punong-puno ng tao ang ospital na 'to araw-araw at hindi ko naman pag-aari ang mesang to. I was surprised to see that it was Jason.

He looked rough.

His hair  was tousled, his navy blue scrubs was a bit crumpled, and even his inner grey long-sleeve top was hitched up to his forearm as if he doesn't care that his tattoos were already showing.

"Hi," bati niya sa 'kin bago ito umupo sa tapat ko. "Wala nang bakante, kanina pa ako pinagtutulakan ni Malcolm na pumunta dito bago kami maunahan." He gestured the other doctor who was still ordering. Napatingin din ako 'dun at natawa nang makita ang halos puno nang tray ng kaibigan nito. 

I snorted and shoved my own tray towards me to give him more space.

"Okay lang, hindi ko naman pagma-may-ari 'tong mesa. Tsaka patapos na ako." Huminga ako ng malalim bago muli na namang sinimulang hiwain ang ulam ko.

This time, I wasn't actually surprised with myself that I talked to him. That I just talked to him without actually overthinking or getting ahead of myself. Ganito naman kasi talaga dapat 'di ba? Hindi naman kasi talaga dapat maging ganun ka-hirap... or masyado lang talaga akong pagod para mag-isip pa. Kahapon pa ako gising, tingin niyo may panahon pa ako para mag-isip ng malalim?

I saw him smirk before he started eating his own meal. Mas lalo niya pang tinaas ang sleeve ng inner shirt nito. "'Yung third-year resident niyo... Dr. Martinez, she's so..."