Busy being Yours

11. The First Time

"Hindi ka dito matutulog bukas ng gabi?"

"Hindi," sagot ko kay Trixie na kanina pa ako pinapanood habang nag-iimpake. "May lakad ako bukas, hindi ako makakauwi kaagad."

"For how long?"

"Two days and one night, why?"

"Isang tulugan ko lang and then uuwi ka na ulit?"

Muli na naman akong napatigil sa pagtutupi ng damit ko dahil sa disappointed ng tono ng pananalita niya. It felt like she's kind of sad that I won't be gone for too long.

"Oo. Anong tingin mo sa 'kin? Maglalayas na?" Tinaasan ko ito ng kilay.

Nginisihan lang naman ako ng pamangkin ko saka humiga na sa kama ko. She covered herself with my blanket and hugged my stuffed toy, Maurice. I had him since I was little, hindi ako nakakatulog kapag wala siya sa tabi ko 'nung maliit pa ako. And now seeing her hugging my prized possession as a toddler makes me wanna snatch it away from her.

Mabuti nalang at napigilan ko ang sarili ko.

Huminga nalang ako ng malalim, pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili ko habang pinapanood siyang paglaruan ng butones na nagsisilbing mga mata nito. Pigil na pigil na naman akong hindi ito sigawan, baka mahila niya ng tuluyan eh! Wala na akong panahon para tahiin iyon pabalik!

"Well I don't know... akala ko akin na 'tong room mo once you leave,"

Trixie looked at me sheepishly. Seriously? She then started talking about how she'll redecorate my room once I move out as if she's not talking to me... the current owner of the room.

"Gawin kong kulay pink 'tong walls and then I'll ask mommy to buy me 'yung pink cloud na light na nakita namin sa mall the other day and then I'll place my doll house right there... I'll put a sign outside the door that says No boys allowed to Trixie Land so that 'di na ako maiistorbo ni Tito Joel while I play and then I'll have a bigger bed para kasya kami ni Mommy and Daddy, pati nina Mama at Papa kapag nakauwi na sila and then---"

"Paano naman ako?" Natatawa kong tanong.

She just gave me a blank stare before she went on to talking about the changes for her (my) room.

"Ikaw? You'll move out so okay lang. If you come visit you can sleep on the couch that I'll put by the window. And I get to keep your TV 'Ta Bebi ha? You can buy one again kapag umalis ka na dito, you're old..."

Kahit na inis na inis na ako sa thought na papatulugin ako ng batang 'to sa imaginary couch niya dito sa sarili kong kwarto, more on natatawa nalang ako sa pinagsasabi nito.

"Bold of you to assume that I have the money to buy a new TV. Ni pambayad sa paparating ko palang na parcels eh namomoblema na ako."

Tiningnan niya lang naman ako.

"Parcels?"

"You know when you buy something online and then the package arrives? The package can be called a parcel."

"Ah..." tango niyang muli.

Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa sitwasyon naming dalawa. This has been by far the most peaceful moment that I've ever been with Trixie. The last time that I remember na ganito pa kami ka at peace ay noong baby pa siya at aliw na aliw pa ako sakanya.

I remembered telling my friends back in high school 'nung pinagbubuntis palang siya ni Ate Rica na magkakaroon na ako ng baby sister. I was looking forward for her to be born kasi pakiramdam ko kahit na Tita naman talaga niya ako ay parang magkakaroon din ako ng nakababatang kapatid. For a while though, I did have fun having her around. Minsan nga ay sinasaway na ako ni Mama kasi palagi ko siyang nilalaro as a baby.