The Love You Deserve (Completed)

EPILOGUE: CLEAN SLATE

Kingston Hines

"Vitals and everything seem to be clear." My resident, Doctor Miller announced before shifting her attention back to the patient that laid flat on the table. It was a white male, in his mid to late thirties, brown hair, pale skin, visible tattoos. He had been our patient for the last couple of months, today however was the day he was long awaiting; the day of his heart transplant.

After just a few months of counting down the days, his name finally made it to the top of the transplant list and within hours of that announcement; there it was, a perfect heart ready and waiting for him. Most of the interns were ecstatic, many excited; after all we had watched this man pray and believe that by faith this day would come and here, it was. Everyone had a reason to be excited, including the other doctors and nursing staff that watched from the gallery.

I, on the other hand stood in this OR with a turned stomach. My nerves in disarray, my mind cluttered and my attention unfocused. While everyone paid close attention to the transplant itself I couldn't help but look at the man that laid on the table. Now, I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or the fact that I was doing double overtime but no matter how much I tried to shake it; he looked too much like the distant memory that I had tried so hard to push to the back of my head for the last two years. I didn't understand why it was coming back all of a sudden.

"Earth to Hines!" I heard someone yell causing me to jump ever so slightly. With widened eyes I turned to where the call was coming from, Dr. Miller stared directly at me; a scalpel held up right under the light. It was as if it glistened the moment I took a glance at it.

"My apologies." I cleared my throat and said, looking around at my fellow intern's faces or as much as I could see, rather.

"Are you with us?" Dr. Miller questioned.

"Very much so. Once again, I must have just drifted off for a moment... but yes, I am here now."

"Are you alert or would you like to take a step outside to gather yourself?" She pressed.

"No, I should be good." I nervously cleared my throat again, "go ahead, please."

"Well, before you made it so evident that this wasn't worth your attention. I was requesting that you came over here to assist. Last time I checked you were at the top in terms of progress, yet out of the bunch you have yet to actually assist in a surgery. Is that correct?"

"Uh, yes ma'am." I nodded and said, feeling just a hint of sweat begin to fold against the back of my neck. "I prefer to take in as much as I can through observation. I'm a learn by sight kind of guy?"

"Fair enough, but you've been cleared off by almost every single department in terms of your ability to be a great doctor. However, it was your dream to be a surgeon, is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"Well then," she looked at the scalpel then back at me, "you can't get to that level, just standing and observing. Scrub in as fast as you can, so you can assist with this incision. With his vitals being at a good place, I can wait for you to return."

"Uh." I glanced up into the gallery for a moment, realizing how many people were actually watching. Once I had a good estimate of '15' alongside the 4 other interns in my group; I returned my attention to her. "I think you're doing a great job so far and almost done at that, if anything I can just assist with the next one."

"Yeah you said that the last time I offered you this moment and gave it to Amethyst." She looked towards my coworker as she spoke. "I know she can do it. Now the question is, are you as good in real life as you are on paper?"