"Carpe Diem... that's seize the day." DEAD POETS SOCIETY PREFERENCES/IMAGINES

"Has it always been ME though?" :CHARLIE DALTON REQUEST:

Author's Note: For the lovely @biggestsimpforcedric  THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!!! Sorry I was so delayed with this imagine. But I hope this is good enough! If you don't like it, I will TOTALLY do another one. <3

It was quiet. You could hear a pin drop. All of the boys were at the Dead Poets meeting. You were a member but couldn't- no, wouldn't attend. At least not that evening. You sat against the radiator in your window, looking outside of it. You were watching and looking out of the window. You liked watching the boys return. They looked funny running throughout the night. They look like cheeky bandits that had no clue what they were doing. Any time you didn't attend you would watch them return because you liked to see Charlie running back to the dorms. Your boyfriend ran the funniest. But you watched him at a time when you adored him. When you liked him. When you actually tolerated him. 

Now, being in his presence was... almost embarrassing. He was just a waste of space to you at this point. He was just there now. You didn't look at him and smile. You didn't stare at him and think 'gosh I love him'. Now you just looked and felt... bare. You wondered what he felt when he looked at you. You sort of hoped he still loved you. There was this hallow part of you that still wanted his attention. You still didn't know if it was because you loved him or... if it was because you liked his attention. 

You sighed, closing your eyes a bit and leaning it against the wall, still waiting for them to return. You didn't attend because you didn't want to be so close to Charlie. You didn't know why. He was the love of your life, your boy... but tonight, and for the last week... you wanted no part of him. Absolutely nothing. 

You sighed once more and opened your eyes. You noticed the school door swinging open and closing. They must've returned. You closed your eyes for six seconds, you were amazed! How were they already back? How did you miss them? What had gone on?

You remained in your seat on the window sile though. Even though you knew they returned safely. That's when your room door opened. You turned and gasped. It was Neil. "I'm sorry- I thought you were asleep." He whispered. You hopped off the sile and slid your slippers on your feet. You smiled and shrugged, sitting on your bed and tapping beside you. He closed the door and sat down. He sat in silence, not knowing if he should mention Charlie or not. The silence was awkward. That made you feel weird. Neil never created awkward silence. It was Neil.

"What's been up with you? How are you? Charlie is... worried." Neil explained. You rolled your eyes and covered your face. 

"If he's so worried he should check on me himself." Neil also rolled his eyes. That... that made you feel so bad. You felt your eyes welling up. You felt your face getting hot. You knew you were going to cry. There was no stopping you when you cried.

"He can't check on you because you say stuff like that. I know your upset and I know something is wrong. But you're aggressive, you're scary, he's scared of you." That's when your tears began falling. That's when images of Charlie began playing in your mind. His laugh, his eyes, his smile, his tears, his hugs, his kisses, his jokes, his sarcasm. All the stuff that made him so amazing. All the stuff that made him so likeable. All the stuff that made you love him. In that moment you know you needed him. You felt so bad for being a sneaky rude bitch. So you just let yourself crying hysterically. 

"I-I-I didn't mean to hurt him." You groaned out. Neil rubbed his hand on your back in big circular motions. Neil kissed your head in a friendly manner. 

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it. Please just talk to him." Neil practically begged, walking to your door. You nodded, rubbing your tears away. He gave you a smile of encouragement before leaving. You soon followed him but went to Charlie's room. You knocked. It immediately opened and it was him. Thank gosh it wasn't Cameron. You didn't want to explain why you were crying. Charlie would just know. He loved you and he knew you. He picked you up and put your legs around his waist. You put your arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. He just slammed the door and held you in the center of the room. He slowly helped you to the ground and put his hands on your cheek. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I've done or what I didn't do but I can do better. Please just forgive me, I can't do this anymore, I need you." He cried as he pressed his forehead against yours. You cried harder and pulled him by his waist against you. You shook your head but then nodded. You just didn't know what to say. 

"I love you. I'm sorry. I love you and I've always needed you."

"Recently it's felt like you can't stand me." He cried hysterically. You pulled him to his bed and made him look you in the eyes. You held his chin and stroked his cheekbone. He just fell into your touch. You didn't know he was in so much pain. You thought he'd be fine. He's Charlie Dalton. Why wouldn't he be fine? That was your problem. You felt like you'd be replaced. You felt like he didn't NEED you. But now... now that he was crying, now that he was in shambles... you saw all of him. You saw his vulnerability. You saw he needed you. As messed up as it sounds, you couldn't have felt better. 

"But I want you, not him, not her, you. It's always been you. Has it always been ME though?" You asked, crying gentler. He pulled you closer and now looked terrified.

"What?" Single small tears streamed down his cheek and lined his jaw. 

"I feel like you don't need me." He kissed you and spun around so he was beneath you on the bed. He then pinned your back against the bed, and put his hand on your cheek. He kissed you once more and placed his forehead on yours. 

"I always need you. These last two weeks have been terrifying. I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I don't like when your not here. Your stupid comments and your adorable laugh is so fulfilling so when it's not here it is just scary. It's almost eerie. Your laugh also brights up a room. In a room of pure darkness, your smile would just illuminate it. I'd probably go blind! And just you, and your spirit and your mind being here, is amazing. It's saved my life. You have no idea. I can't even begin to explain it. Just know I need you. I always will. You're my number one and forever will be. Please don't doubt that. Please." He begged, crying again. You rubbed his tear with your thumb and kissed his beady nose, stroking the small of his neck. 

"I won't. I love you. I'm sorry." He nodded against your forehead. He laid on his back and pulled you towards him. You guys cuddled and cried in bed, trying to lighten the mood. But you ended up just falling asleep instead. Around an hour later, someone placed a blanket on you. You both woke up a bit and saw Todd and Neil standing over you. They were smiling and blushing. 'Goodnight.' They both said. Yeah they were a great pair. But now that you and Charlie were better, there was no stopping you both. Todd and Neil better watch out.