As Long As You Need

46-Without Noah

He walks away.

He walks away.

He walks away.

I have been playing it in a loop for the past twenty four hours. 

Watching as he plants a kiss to my cheek then turning and leaving my room. 

'I can't do long distance'

'I'm sorry'

'I love you so much Bails, but I can't' 

His words ring in my ears. 

He walks away.

I haven't left my bed since it happened. At first I just stood there staring at my door in shock. Then the dam burst and the tears fell. 

At some point my dad came to check up on me he told me Noah had gone to stay at a friend of his. 

Delilah had come over to, she laid there with me as I cried. Eventually however she went home to see Cal. 

Ever since she returned home they have gotten close again, and she knew he needed her. I understood that. 

It got cold in the middle of the night so I slipped on the only hoodie in reach from my bed. 

Noah's hoodie.

I ended up crying more. 

Then at some point I got hungry so I went down stairs and ate an entire roasted chicken I found in the fridge. I don't know who's it was or what it was for but I ate it all.

The next day I spent lying in my bed again, this time listening to music. 

Noah and I's favorite song came on and I cried even more. 

Ok so basically everything was making me cry, then that night I got a delivery from Mother Nature. 

Yep Hell Week. 

So that's how I spent the week in pain and in sadness in my room. 

My dad brought me food everyday. Some days he tried to speak to me but I didn't answer him. 

I skipped school that week, my dad had called and told them I was sick or some bullshit. 

They believed it though saying they hopped I felt better. 

It was officially Friday night and the aching in my heart hadn't subsided. 

Why did I have to realize he was the one an hour before he decides to break up with me?

Like the timing was just beautiful truly. 

Delilah came to tell me she got accepted to University of Alabama. She was glowing and I was so happy for her. I knew she was excited to get out of this town, and I was too. 

That night I had a dream about my mom. 

I cried when I woke up, she had felt so real. 

"Mom?" I had asked as I stepped into her room. She was wearing the same white dress, looking down I was in an identical one. 

She looks up smiling at me, "Hi baby." I run up to her wrapping my arms around her and hugging her tightly to me. 

I feel her arms wrap around me she laughs, "What's this for?"

I just hug her feeling her wrapped around me, "I just love you mom."

"I love you too Bailey." 

Then I had woken up. 

And reality set in. 

My mom left me and so did Noah. 

So did Brady. 

At some point I fell asleep again, except this time it was a dreamless sleep. 

The next morning I woke up, used the bathroom, through my hair into a bun and laid back onto the bed. 

No one was home, I knew that for a fact. 

Brady was out wherever and Dad had told me last night that he was leaving for a haul today. 

My phone buzzed and I looked at the message. It was from Delilah she had printed pictures from all of us in Florida. She sent me the ones she printed to make sure they were all the ones I wanted. 

Scrolling through them tears filled my eyes. All the ones of me and Noah, even some that were candid. 

My favorite was this one Delilah took of Noah and I at this little taco place. 

We are eating outside at this bench. Noah and I sat beside each other, He was wearing a white shirt and a pair of shorts. My hair was down in it's natural waves and I was wearing a white crop top and shorts. 

I had a taco in my hand laughing at something he said, and Noah was smiling looking directly at me. My hand was covering my mouth because I had just taken a bite of the taco and I didn't want to spit pieces of taco everywhere. 

The look on Noah's face wasn't disgust or anything of that sort. No it as in awe, he looked at me like he loved me even though I was inhaling taco chunks. 

He always made me feel comfortable, safe, like nothing I did could ever repulse him. I always loved that about him. 

Oh great now the tears are just streaming. 

I quickly shut my phone off placing it on my nightstand. 

I lay there in the silence, staring at my wall. 

There's a knock on my door. 

Part of me hopes it's Noah, hopes he's here to take back what he said. That he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. 

"As long as you need." He had said to me until he walked away when I still needed him. 

Another knock and I wonder who it is. Dad is gone and Delilah wouldn't knock. 

The door creaks open and I turn to see who it is. 

He gives me an unsure smile, "Can I come in?"