There for Me

Cold

Cold.

This is how the raindrops, which fell from the sky lightly slapping my face, felt like.

Raindrops which are nothing but cold empty bodies which feel as empty as I do, as cold as I do.

I hoped-no more like I wished that maybe this rain would wash away these feelings, maybe help me to forget and be able to stand on my own two feet again.

But it can't.

My feelings are not something some water can wash away.

Worthlessness

Doubt

Guilt

Betrayal

All of these weigh down on me, tightening around my neck like my personal noose or dragging me down deeper into the vast cold endless void called despair.

Devoid of all light and hope with no way for my pathetic existence to resurface or break free.

Shackled by the weight of my false empty promises.

Bound by my foolish ambition.

Trapped because of my own failure.

Rain continued hitting my face rolling down my cold smooth cheeks, flicking off my quivering pink bottom lip.

"Maybe....maybe if I was more like Sakayanagi-san or Ryuuen-kun.....then maybe..maybe we wouldn't have lost....."

My shaky soft voice was lost, overpowered by the noise of the rain making my confession fall on deaf ears.

But who would want to hear it anyways.

My classmates who I have let down?

Finally our chance had come, the chance of being promoted to class A and all I had to do was win against class D.

Yet I couldn't even do that.

The outcome was so one-sided that Ryuuen's class, class D, became class B while we fell to class C all because of my poor leadership.

Stolen right from under us our chance at class A was forfeited.

Why?

Because unlike Ryuuen or Sakayanagi I am not strong.

I haven't grown, instead I have just regressed.

Costing my classmates their dream of becoming class A.

Buckling under the cold rain and the weight of my emotions my ones have way making me crash to the floor splashing water everywhere further soaking myself.

Me.

Ichinose Honami.

The pathetic pitiful leader of class B which has now fallen to class C as a result of a leader who can't do anything by herself.

Not only have I cost us our shot at class A but our cooperative relationship with class D has now concluded because they may end up overtaking us menaing—

Meaning he won't help me anymore.

He won't be there to pick me up when I need him to, save me from some tactic I didn't see coming, be there to talk to.

"Ayanokouji....I need you..." Raising my head looking directly up at the fallen rain I reached my hand upwards trying to grab hold of the rain.

Ayanokouji, the brown haired boy whom I have relied on countless times, is now my enemy.