Asleep - 𝘼𝙒𝘼𝙀

Chapter Five ; I'm Begging you to Love me

-You found someonе more exciting
The nеxt second, you were gone
And you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong
And you always say I'm never satisfied
But I don't think that's true
'Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough for you-

-Oh, the things I did
Just so I could call you mine
Oh, the things you did
Well, I hope I was your favorite crime-

Living everyday afraid of yourself and afraid of the things people would do if they found out about who you truly were was tasking. The biggest fears are ones you have no control over. In situations where you're scared and alone, what else is there to do than manipulate the situation until you're on top.

Years, Billie spent Years Crafting his throne. Creating a world in which he was dominant, if everyone feared you then no one would question your motivations.

A life like his was lonely, with no one to talk to openly, no one to confide in besides himself, he was truly miserable.

All in one summer, his carefully created world came crashing down around him. Everything he thought he knew, he hadn't even begun to understand.

Since ad long as Billie could remember he had been coupled with Josie, because of close family ties and traditional martial values, he was certain that when all was said and done, she'd be beside him.

Josie wasn't truly horrid, just misunderstood most days. She was beautiful, evidently intelligent, and a wonderful friend. Billie found her company enjoyable, they could talk for hours, from opposite sides of the room.

Anything romantic simply, wasn't apart of the equation. For all intents and purposes they were exclusive, as far as relationships went. But when it came down to moments of intimacy, they were met with radio silence.

They'd kissed twice, once as a dare in the seventh grade and once at the end of last term. Disappointing to say the least, for a girl who'd romanticized everything in her life for so long, her forever relationship was, sadly, nothing more than platonic, and yet neither of them ever attempted to face the music, that is until, last night.

"I'm so sorry to have hurt you Josie. You're so wonderful, and an amazing friend I just don't have it in me to feel that way for you."
Billie explained. Josie was already shaking, the fear coursing through her veins was more complex than anyone had realized.

Her family was miles in debt, her eventual marriage into the Andrews Bloodline was the only thing that could save them. Not to mention, her fragile sense of self worth relied entirely on her beauty, which for the first time in her life, wasn't enough.

"Why aren't I enough for you? What did i do wrong? I've spent every last penny i had on blue dresses because it's your favourite Colour , i woke up early to put on makeup so you'd find me prettier than the other girls? Why am I never enough."
She sobbed.

"I'm so sorry, it's not you. You're amazing, I just can't keep living a lie."

"there's someone else isn't there."
She yelled back at him, tears streaming down her cheeks, now red with anger.

"Is she prettier than me? More exciting? Richer? Just get out. Go! Leave!"
She shouted, throwing pillows at him until he left her room.

She crawled out of bed and pushed the door shut behind him. Billie wasn't her ideal of love, but it's all she had, all she had ever had, and now she was truly alone.

She gazed around the room, resentment building up inside her. Every picture, Every Memory was with him. All her things were gifts from him, all her happiness was from him. She didn't truly love him, not in that way. But she loved having someone who truly cared about.

After years of killing herself to make him stay, she was finally alone, and suddenly numb.

Downstairs and out the door in an old shed stood Cole Mackenzie and to no surprise, Billie Andrews.

"What have you done!?"
Cole was livid. Billie had ruined his plans entirely, it was supposed to be a summer fling.

All the Denial Cole had been swimming in, was about to drown him. Over the past month, Cole had been stifling any feelings he could've possibly had for Billie. All the Coffee shops and Late night walks were nothing, all they did was hook up. Cole Mackenzie was just a poor farm boy with an impeccable talent and determination to make something of himself. He couldn't get caught up in a secret love affair with the taken son of a senator.

"You can't pretend you didn't want me to break up with her. I see the way you look at me, this is not one sided Cole." The tension was thick, humidity was high and hormones were higher.

"So what now? what was your great plan billie. I'm dying to know! You're gonna come out to your family? and what after that? we frolic in meadows? The world was not made for people like us to be happy, let alone at peace. You will always have expectations to live up to and I will always have something to prove."
Cole Snapped back at him.

"No, Yes, I mean. It doesn't matter. Cole, I love you. I love the way you see a sheet of paper and create an entire world, I love the way you pick at the scar on the back of your wrist when you're nervous, I love the way you make me feel like life can be more than hiding. I love you, I don't have the answers but I have faith in us."
Although Much was spoken, there was an unspoken promise in Billie's eyes.

"I can't."
After that, Cole turned to walk away, stopping at the door.

"And someone saw Josie crying, clear your shit up before you ruin my life too." And suddenly he was gone.

Hi y'all !! How do we feel about this chapter? I get a little scared every time i post a chapter without any anne or gilbert, but Josie & Billie & Cole have such an important subplot that it feels cruel to not give them just as much time to develop it. However, if y'all prefer more shirbert content, i can dial down the Billie-Cole Romance. I promise next chapter will have some shirbert interaction and excitedly some charlie-ruby content. I know the billie-Cole relationship had been done in a million stories but i'm trying my best to keep it original, let me know what you think.

Sincerely, Luna