The Time Within Forever.

17. Panic

TW- detailed panic attack, mentions of drugs, blood, mention of self harm, trauma, death

Hotch's perspective-

Spencer held Kira's body sobbing, and I couldn't help but let a small tear go myself. I had to keep it together for the sake of my team, but the young girl lying motionless in Spencer's arms is a girl I've tried to shelter and protect from these kinds of things.

"Sir, we found a letter beside this woman." A paramedic called for me.

I furrowed my brows and walked up to my boss's lifeless frame crumpled on the ground. I watched as he unwrinkled a small letter with his gloved hands.

He held it out for me as I put a pair of my own blue latex surgical gloves on, so I could take it and examine it myself.

'The team is so focused on saving Kira, that they won't even bother to save you. I've made it to where they don't trust you anymore. You did good, bringing the team to the masquerade. If only they knew the true reason you did all of this was to save yourself from... well, yourself. I wasn't actually going to do anything, I just wanted to see where your loyalties lain. And since you would rather have handed Kira to me on a silver platter rather than tell the team you're an alcoholic, proves you aren't worthy of this life anyways.'

I folded the small letter and placed it in my pants pocket. I had no blazer after I gave it to Emily to press against Kira's wound. I needed Kira to keep as much blood as she could. I can't have her die, she's barely lived. I sighed out while I rubbed the pads of my thumb and index finger together in my pocket so the team wouldn't analyze me in this moment and figure out how overwhelmed I truly felt.

"Yo, Hotch!" Derek called out sending my eyes up to meet his.

I turned around and watched as he held up a small knife. He was holding the tip of the blade and the rest hung lowly.

"I found it in the plant, it probably has his prints on it." He spoke softly.

He was shaken up, we all were. This managed to happen under all of our noses. I was more mad at myself for allowing her to come back in the first place. If she was in witness protection she wouldn't have had a chance to come back, but a part of me was glad she wasn't placed in the program.

Spencer is happier with her and every second he was away in prison was probably agony. That's how I felt with Haley and it's how I feel now with Emily. The only two people I have ever felt that way for. If it was Emily in Kira's shoes I would be a mess.

Emily walked up to me after the ambulance took Kira and Spencer away.

"He said to meet them at the hospital." She whispered as she twiddled with her bracelet anxiously.

She only did that when she had a bad day, and I know today's been a bad day.

"Come here." I say opening my arms for her to sink into my chest.

I needed the comfort of her right now because everything just slipped out of my grasp and I know she needed me too. My boss was dead on the floor in front of me, Kira and Spencer were in an ambulance and all I wanted was to feel the comfort of Emily's heart beat mingling with mine.

She buried herself in my chest as she cried. She wasn't sobbing out, but tears were still falling from her cheeks. She was in shock. Derek was standing by the side door as Jj bit her fingernails. It's an anxious tic she only seems to show in the most stressful moments.

My team was falling apart before my eyes and all I could do was watch and hope that they would recover soon. I had to inform Rossi still, but I figured I would let him rest and tell him tomorrow. At least I'll have news as to if Kira's alive or not by tomorrow morning.