Baby || Zach Dempsey

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TW!!!!! SELF HARM IS MENTIONED PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THAT SUBJECT

"Justin Kensley what happened that night?"lainie asked turning to us I felt Justin eyes on me as he shifted in his seat

"he was a little out of his mind that night but it was just that night I drove him home and talked him down he was fine" Justin said Lainie nods "and the gun?" She asked "he gave it back" Justin replied "to?" She asked Justin didn't answer

"when you say he was out of his mind how do you mean that?" Matt asked

"it was that day all the stuff Bryce said In court he couldn't get Hannah out of his mind" Justin said

I took a deep breath at the name things just seem to be getting worse and worse every time I hear his name the nights reply in my mind

Bryce pinning me down

kissing me touching me all over

I begged him to stop

I tried to push him off

I failed

I'm a failure

now he's dead and I can't talk to anyone because if I do  it will make me sound guilty like I wanted Bryce dead I just wish I could of been strong that night and a little more sober the other it's my fault maybe I should be the dead one

"Kens" I felt a light smack on my shoulder as I snap out of my thoughts I look up at lainie and Matt and over at Justin I quickly noticed the few tears that were freshly on my cheeks i quickly wipe them away

"sorry" I say "are you okay Kensley?" Matt asked I smile and nod "yeah I'm good" I say Lainie and Matt look at each other then back at me and Justin

"I'm gonna go check on Clay" Justin said they nod as he walked off I stood up as well "Kensley" I stop and turn to them "you can talk to us about anything" lainie said I nod "I know" I smile and walk away and up to my room

I took a deep breath I'm not sure why Bryce is hitting all over again and ten times worse maybe it's because I never properly got over it or accepted it I guess

him being dead and everyone already treating me like a criminal even though they have no proof I had something to do with it

right?

God why is everything so confusing right now I just wish I could feel something again feel alive my eyes travel to my blue pencil sharpener

I look at myself in the mirror as tears fall down my face i slowly grab the sharpener look at the blade i quickly break it and to my surprise the blade fell into my lap I drop the plastic and pick of the blade and hold it in my thumb and pointed finger

I hold it up to eye level

I just wanna be okay again and without a second i hold up my arm and quickly guide the blad across my skin as it split open and a decent amount of blood poured out of the fresh cut the stinging felt good and I wanted more

I took a deep breath staring down at the five fresh cuts I've created I felt good alive in a way

suddenly there was a banging on my door "kens?" I hear Justin "we're leaving for school are you coming?" He asked I looked around my room frantically

"yeah give me a minute!" I shout and pick up a random t-shirt from the floor wiping the blood off my arm

i quickly throw on a hoodie looking in the mirror quickly wiping away my tears

I go to walk out but I look over at the pill bottle on my dresser I walk over to it and open it popping 2 in mouth before putting the pill bottle in my drawer I open my bedroom door and head down to the car where the boys were waiting for me

"How am I supposed to go in there everyone think I'm a murderer?" Clay asked from the driver seat "should we just skip or something?" Justin asked

"that seems like not a good idea" I spoke up from the y back poking my head between the two front seats "right" Clay said agreeing

"you know you just gotta walk back in there like... like you know the truth and just fuck everybody else it's the only way to walk back in there" Justin said I nod as we all get out of the car splitting off in Separate ways

most the day I kept to myself not necessarily in the mood to talk to anyone everything felt so cloudy I felt as if I couldn't breathe and I was drowning just waiting for someone to save me but no one was near

"hey" my head snaps over and I see Zach standing next to my locker I give him a soft smile "hey" I say quietly shutting my locker and giving him my full attention

"you doing okay? You know after everything?" He asked nervously I nod "I think so" I say "are you sure?" He asked again I nod

"yeah" I say pulling my sleeve down he nods "okay I gotta go to football I'll see you later?" He asked I nod

"bye Zach" I said as he turned on his heel and walked off I do the same in the opposite direction straight home

I was extremely tired from the xans I could sleep an entire week away I quickly got into my bed and fell asleep for the night even though it was five pm

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