My Liege And I

Shame

Chapter 18

Queen Eleanor
Guest Palace

Eleanor was wiping her face when she heard the conflict outside worsen. Her husband had just walked out to check what was happening.

A woman was screaming and the guards were murmuring to get hold of the situation. Thankfully, there had not been punches and blows that Eleanor could pick up escalating.

When she heard fidgeting at the entrance, she rushed from their sleeping chambers with two of her maids following, all of them curious to see what was going on.

“Li Lian, have you lost your mind?” The king berated.

Eleanor found her sister tossed on the ground and harshly breathing. Her long black hair, now grey, was splayed all over her, hugely-swollen abnormal earl ears peeking from beneath. It was also when she lifted her head that Eleanor saw her once amber eyes glimmering a sharp gold.

“I have lost the fairness of my youth. I have become a beast. I must die…” Elora recoiled from the ground, pulled her knees to her chest and hugged herself into a ball. “Surely, I must die.”

“Die in the imperial palace? Have you lost your mind?” King Chang had no patience and appeared more than irritated.

“What happened?” Eleanor walked to him.

“My queen, go and sleep. These are matters of Nevoria and you are with child,” his voice softened a bit.

“Yes, but have you forgotten she is my sister?”

Eleanor looked at Elora and felt a bit of pity. She was in such a state, not understanding her body or what was happening to her.

“What she is feeling is shame. The shame of a Furian woman who has betrayed her nation by bedding with a Nevorian dragon.”

Elora seemed to be in a trance, her eyes distanced as she swayed herself into comfort in the midst of her oblivion.

“They caught her trying to steal the sword of a palace guard so as to commit suicide with it,” her husband informed.

Eleanor nodded. “Our beauty is in our hair. That is why our hair is so magnificent and envied by many. It is where the crown of our beauty is.” You could scar a Furian woman on the face and she would still feel beautiful. Yet, if you cut her hair or steal the rivalitising color of it. It depresses a Furian into depression and anxiety. Makes them feel worthless and beastly. 

Furians were known by the world for their outstanding beauty and with the evolution of time, all their identity started to revolve around it. A Furian without beauty is reproachable.

“Bring me some of the herbs I brought along so she can drink and feel better. A good mood will help stabilise her,” she instructed one maid. “Then you, go ask for some dye from the palace authorities. I am sure they can help me make some for her hair.”

“But my lady, it is dark and in the middle of the night. They may refuse.”

“They will not. We are guests.”

“Yes,” Chang An supported, “Nevoria is prideful and likes to show off about its ability to provide anything. They will move heaven and earth to find it if they know you were sent by the guests.”

“Do you feel better now?” Eleanor asked Elora later that evening.

“Yes, I do not feel as disgusting.”

“What I had you drink will bring back the normal color to your eyes and also deal with the abnormal size of your ears.”

“Thank you.”

Elora was so graceful. She was a woman who grew away from her homeland, yet she had the might of a queen emitting from her.

“Does… does this mean I must never sleep with the emperor ever again?”

Eleanor felt a sense of giddiness to have her sister make conversation with her. Elora did not seem to hate her… just as she had done all of her life.

“No. Was this not your first time sleeping with him?”

“It was.”

“It only happens once, during your first time. Next time you will not have this happen to you again.”

“Eleanor, hurry. The emperor is going wild. We must have her returned as soon as possible before they find us with her and have us accused with treason.” Chang An was in the welcoming chamber and waiting for them to finish.

“We are almost done,” she replied as she took more hair and submerged it into black dye. “This dye will wash off if you wash your hair. I advise you to avoid washing your hair for the next three days. I think by that time your natural color would have resurfaced.”

“Thank you.”

“In the morning, your nails will be black. Do not get scared. It is the evidence of the episode wearing off.”

“All right.”

Elora was not speaking much. Was it because she was worried about the emperor or she was generally a person who did not speak much?

“Elora.”

“I am grateful for your help, Queen Eleanor.”

“We are sisters, Elora.”

Uncomfortable silence became the guest between them. This had been the elephant in the room Eleanor did not want to address. She was not sure if her sister knew it too, but her silence confirmed that she did.

“I am my own sister, my own mother, my own father, my own brother,” Elora’s voice was quiet, yet carrying bitterness. “No one besides me exists in my family.”

“So you do know who I am.”

“I do and have no plans to get acquitted with you and your people.”

“But you are not from here and―”

“This is my home. They have become my people,” Elora sharply said to silence her.

So this was the woman Eleanor grew up jealous of. This is the woman she childishly sacrificed her relationship with her mother for. Elora was alone and lonely, probably felt abandoned for all of her life.

While Eleanor did not grow up with that. She was always loved, pampered, and well looked after.

Like her mother told her, it was only getting married and leaving the safety of her country that would teach her the lesson of life. The people of Huticah did not like her as their queen. They wanted her as a concubine and have one of their own as queen. Every chance they got, they used it to attack her.

It was only her husband who was her shield. He displayed feigned actions of love and adoration before the eyes of the public, yet behind the closed doors they were just friends. His heart belonged to the woman he grew up with, the one he gave secret glances to at the dining hall. The princess of Nevoria.

In the end, Eleanor had imprisoned herself to a nation that did not behold women as highly as hers. She, by herself, made herself a nobody.

In the beginning, it was Chang An who wanted her pregnant, while later on, she became the desperate one, very keen to get pregnant as soon as possible in order to protect her position as queen and get validation. Life was difficult. Really difficult.

Soon, she would be a mother. And imagining a life in which she got separated from her child was an unbearable thought, yet this was her mother’s reality with Elora. What a shame. Life was unfair.

“Elora. Mother misses you and yearns to see you. Do you not want to meet her?”

Her question went unanswered.

That in itself was the answer.

S.V