Better off with you | [SkepHalo]

-Chapter ten-

TW// blood warning, self-harm, anxiety, panic attack, purging/vomit

I begin walking with him when I feel my phone buzz inside my pocket. I take it out and notice it was a Twitch notification. My expression changed in a second and I dropped the bag I was holding. I could feel my whole stomach twisting and turning.

BadBoyHalo went live!

BadBoyHalo's Point Of View:

This is dangerous. It might make things worse but; at this point I do not care. I just want to let my feelings out.

I swift in my chair, debating whether I should actually click the 'go live' button. My stomach twists and turns making me feel sick. I take deep shaky breaths and close my eyes in an attempt of relaxing myself.

It was hard but after I managed to get everything under control; I opened my eyes and continued staring at the small purple button. My mind was screaming for me to press it while knowing it will ruin me. But my body was completely frozen, scared to even flinch.

I let my brain take over and I click it. I slowly looked at my second monitor seeing many people join the stream. I switch the Starting Soon and now the stream's view is complete black.

Many people in chat were confused but they seemed happy for my return after a week or two with no streams. They are probably faking it.

I take one last sigh while thinking of the appropriate words to use in this scenario. "Hello everyone. I am sorry for not streaming; I was just v-very busy. No need to worry. Even though I doubt any of you did..." I whispered the last part hoping nobody heard it. Actually I couldn't care less. It doesn't matter because it was the truth.

I heard the familiar donation sound go off. I jerk my eyes back to my other monitor. My eyes started to water and my hands were shaking. It read "Bad! We missed you where have you been? Are you okay? You sound kind of tired. Remember that we love you and don't want you pushing yourself. If you don't feel comfortable you don't have to stream <3"

I am not quite sure why, but I read it in his voice. He would always say these kind things to me. Just as I was about to answer it occurred to me. He could be watching right now. Surely not? He probably has something better to do anyways...

"Thank you so much for the dono! I am fine no need to worry. I just had something on my mind. D-don't worry about it." Of course my voice breaks and sounds pathetic. Why am I like this?

"So how are you all chat? I probably won't stream for a while so talk to me here whilst you still can." My eyes scanned chat as a few worried messages kept popping up. They consisted of "are u ok?" "where are you going" and "bad what is happening?"

This is stressing me out more than I thought it would. "No no don't w-worry guys, I just think I need a break." I glanced at chat and was glad to find out that most people were supporting. But those moments didn't last long. "you don't deserve one" "I don't care" "Might as well leave forever".