King Of My Heart | R. BLACK

51 | the final goodbye

To make it very clear, Sirius had every intention of talking to his brother but it was impossible to get him alone. Almost as though he knew that he wanted to speak with him so he was in hiding. Sirius had one day to find Regulus before it was too late for him to be of any use.

"You're gonna miss the party!" James called out after the boy.

"I'll be back," Sirius explained, quickly. "There is something I need to take care of before we leave tomorrow." Understanding flashed across James's face and he nodded, sending the boy what was hopefully a comforting smile.

Sirius was very adamant about speaking to his brother, but the hard part would be getting him to be alone with him. Once Regulus caught sight of Sirius in the hallway, he immediately excused himself and started in the opposite direction.

"Regulus!" Sirius finally called out after the boy. The stragglers in the hallway turned to look at him. The elder Black stopped chasing after his brother and waited, hoping for him to turn around. To talk to him one last time. After all, after today, they wouldn't see each other again. At least not as brothers. Regulus had stopped, clearly hesitant to talk to him. "I'm not going to keep chasing after you. I just wanted to say goodbye." Regulus turned to look at him, "In private?" He nodded in agreement and the two silently made their way to an empty classroom. Sirius waved his wand over the closed door after entering, muttering spells under his breath.

"What is it?" Regulus asked, clearly agitated with this situation. He hadn't wanted to speak with his brother. In fact, he would have been just fine if they had parted ways and never saw each other again. Not in this lifetime, anyway.

Sirius stared at him for a moment, taking in his brother's appearance. He was taller than he remembered, now towering over him by about half a foot. His skin was pulled taught against his bones, like he hadn't been eating properly in ages. Knowing Regulus, he probably hadn't. His cheeks were hollowed out and Sirius frowned. His first form of self-punishment had been to not allow himself to eat. Sirius used to have to force him to eat when they were younger. He would pry his mouth open and place a piece of food in, one bite at a time.

"You really can't stop, can you?" Sirius asked. It was clear that Regulus wanted nothing more than to not be here, in this room with him. "The act...it's not an act anymore, is it? You - you really are just like them."

Regulus straightened up at this, his eyes narrowed on his brother, "Like who, exactly?" They both knew the answer but Regulus wanted to hear him say it.

Sirius didn't hesitate to do so, "Like Walburga and Orion." Like Walburga and Orion, Regulus thought bitterly. Not 'mother and father' but 'Walburga and Orion.' Regulus swallowed and Sirius moved further into the room. "I want to talk about Angela."

Regulus scoffed at this, "Of course that's what this is about." He shook his head making his way towards the door to leave. "Always with the innocent act, huh? Luring me in on false pretenses?" He moved to open the door but it was stuck. He turned to Sirius, frustration clear on his face, "What did you do?"

"I told you I wanted to talk," he pointed out with a shrug, leaning against a table, "And I'm done chasing after you." Regulus turned his attention back to the door. "You can try all you want, James and I perfected that spell two years ago." He crossed his arms over his chest, "Give her her memories back."

Regulus looked to the side, looking at his brother but not fully facing him. "You don't know anything about this, Sirius," he pointed out, "I suggest you stay out of it."

He rolled his eyes, "I know more than you think, Reg." He pushed himself off the table and moved closer to his brother. "I'm not sure what you think you're doing, but it won't work. When you two come back next year, you don't know what will happen. You risk her falling for you all over again and not understanding why she wanted all of this in the first place."

Regulus finally turned to look at his brother, "I'm not coming back next year." Sirius frowned as his brother continued, "And she shouldn't either. Share that with your parents." He could hear the venom laced in his tone as he spoke. "If you thought this year was bad..."

Sirius shook his head, "I miss you, you know that?" Regulus froze at this. "Not this you. Not much to miss about a power crazed, blood racist shit head. But the you that I remember before you started caring so damn much."

"You did this to me!" Regulus exclaimed and Sirius faltered. Sirius took a step back, his brother's rage filling the room, suffocating him. He wasn't one for yelling. Not usually. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't left us! Left me," he pointed out and Sirius swallowed heavily. He felt as though the walls were closing around him, the words hitting closer than he expected. "I had no choice. What was I supposed to do? Let them push me around? It only got worse after you left. None of this has been easy for me."

"There is always a choice, Regulus," Sirius reminded him. That rage that his brother felt, he knew it all too well. Suddenly, he was back home, thirteen years old and struggling with who he was. He wasn't the son his parents wanted and in more ways than one. He was never meant for the life that they lived. Nobody was, not really. "You carry the weight of our parents' choices and I'm sorry," Sirius apologized to the boy, as though it were somehow his fault. But it wasn't, not really. He didn't make any of the choices that led to their family being the way they are. All he did was gather up the strength to leave. He just wished that Regulus was strong enough to do that himself. "And I'm sorry that I passed that on to you."

He remembered the anger that used to course through his veins. It was murderous and constant. A consistent flow of violent energy coursing through his veins. Like he was trapped in someone else's body, screaming and begging to be let out. Banging on the door, pleading for sanctuary. Had James not found him on the train before the sorting ceremony, Regulus easily could have been him. And maybe that was it, all along. Regulus was everything Sirius would have been, had he chosen a different path. Maybe, had Sirius made different choices, Regulus would have been saved. But there was no point in dwelling on that. Not when you couldn't change what had already come to pass.

Sirius let out a breath, "I love you, Regulus, and I probably always will." He pulled his wand out, waving it over the door, releasing them. "I wish you the best that you can get in life, Reggie," he said sadly, "But this is the end for us."

Sirius was the first to leave the room, Regulus stayed behind, probably not wanting to be seen with him. He let out a breath, the lump in his throat painful and nauseating. He pushed it down though, not allowing his brother to ruin his last day at Hogwarts. He would go out with a bang, if it was the last thing he did.