chapter fifteen - pieces of her
trigger warning : self harm mention
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it had been seven months since you and billie broke up. the first couple weeks were hard. okay, the first few months were hard. really hard. you didn't know what to do with yourself. you took time off work for the first two weeks to try and stabilize yourself, but soon enough you ran out of money, and still weren't stable, but you had to go back. you lived life like nothing had happened, even though your heart was broken. you fell in love with a woman you knew you couldn't have. it was your fault for thinking that it could ever work between the two of you. by the second week, you had taken up smoking instead of cutting yourself again, which was your go-to back in high school, because it seemed healthier, even if it wasn't. every time you lit a cigarette, it was like a little piece of billie, and you hated it, but clung onto it. you did everything to try and get over her. sleeping with random women, going partying, deep cleaning your apartment. nothing worked. you just had to live though, and eventually everything would return to the way it used to be.
the things that hurt the most were the little things. finding her blouse under your bed. you kept it anyway, but put it away somewhere where you would only have to see it if you wanted. you couldn't go to the city, nevermind go shopping there, because the nights you spent there with billie would just replay in your mind, over and over again until you were sobbing on the bathroom floor. it took you forever to be able to even think about her without bursting into tears and bawling your eyes out until your body was shaking and your face was burning.
but you were better now. maybe not better, but at least you were numb to most things, most emotions.
life was mostly normal for you. you went to work, went home, sometimes got blackout drunk or just fell asleep on the couch. you were stable enough to live life without her. and that's what was important. she was just a stranger who's laugh you could recognize anywhere. and as much as that hurt you, it healed you too. you knew you could never forget billie, she was like a part of you now. but you could try.
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authors note : i had to include the new years day reference i couldnt help myself
YOU ARE READING
part of me (billie dean howard x reader)
Fanfictionღ "the view is gorgeous." you looked towards billie dean. "not nearly as gorgeous as you." she tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear with her salmon nails, and you could feel your face growing red. something about billie's presence made you f...
