𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 ; 𝘤𝘦𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘤 𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘰𝘳𝘺

twelve

12 𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐬

𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐆𝐆𝐋𝐄𝐃 with making decisions—up until now. Well actually, keeping my decisions straight seems to be the issue. I was more than used to the uncomplicated ways of life, already planned upon and completely straightforward.

But now, every single settled component came across as uprooted, the one rule I made to myself—seeming long ago—being mangled by my habit of mind and I was lost. I didn't mean to at all, let him get so close to me, both physically and literally. But what happened already happened and now it doesn't matter if you meant to or not.

I have a good brain on me, but until now I've never been able to use it when it came to making decisions about love.

Because, having him leaning over me—our lips in a frail distance of touching, our eyes affixed, him so close to me, so adjoined just a few days ago—I couldn't think straight anymore.

It could only be best described as a ruthless game of tug-of-war. On one side, I was frightened as I became truly aware of how much I unintentionally cherish his company, feelings a-strewed. Yet, I was still convinced every little thing that had to do with him was one big mistake—truly nothing with love involved.

However, when I lie wide awake and restless at night—overwhelmed by things I wished I didn't think about—I only find myself wishing that this inconsiderate feeling of indecision would simply just fuck off to allow my mind to unscramble and come up with a pathetic answer to all of this.

But it didn't seem like there was an answer.

I sat criss-crossed on my four-postered bed, I had barely moved from this spot all day. My mind, my perception, my rationality wasn't upright, it was flipped right-side up. So, I stayed in my cushioned spot, my hands pressed against my cheeks to hold up my heavy head—decent sleep was something that was scarce lately.

I watched Estella prance across the stained and wooden floors, meowing lightly before she pounced up onto the mattress. She settled into my opened arms, her velvety and creamy fur instantly kneaded between my fingers

"I wish you could help me." I murmured to her softly, almost desperately, like I expected a heartfelt response back. She readjusted in my lap, then purred softly.

To put it lightly, I've wanted to talk to him—to Cedric, bloody hell, I had to start using his name instead of just describing Cedric as him—for these past few days. But what's the point anyway when someone else is on his mind and on the tip of his tongue, he was quite lucky to have Cho already.

My focus shifted though at the creak of the old oak door, and not long after I watched Maeve, Claire, and Elaine parade through the doorway, bright expressions overriding.

"Oh Sage, you're here, perfect!" Maeve excitedly exclaimed, already making a rush to get my side of the dorm, I swear she even skipped once. "You've been hiding in here all day long, I thought maybe you would have moved by now."

She went ahead and toppled herself onto my neatly-made bed. "But nope." She clarified with a warm smile, unmatched to her fairly unkind words.

She had disheveled the pressed linen and the perfectly placed feather pillows with her eager limbs; I didn't bring attention to her lack of mindfulness and the unintentional insult she had hurled at me though.

Elaine and Claire were looming behind Maeve's steps, beaming eagerly. I followed my eyes between them, anticipating for what would come in the next few minutes.