They say that angel's don't have wings
That may be why this one fell for the devil
Or so she thought he was the devil until she found out she was never truly an angel
"There is one pain, I often feel, which you will never know. It's caused by the absence of you." - Ashleigh Brilliant
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Empty Numb Broken
There are plenty more words I could use to describe the pain that I feel. Every cut and scar in my body feels new, raw even. The feeling of knowing that he is gone is like constant salt being poured into my wounds.
As the water from the shower surged onto my face, soaking my clothes it's like I still fell nothing.
Forever, we said we would be together forever didn't we? He promised me he would stay but now i'm completely and utterly consumed by darkness and emptiness. He's gone, the light he brought me was gone.
If I have to wait a whole eternity to be with him again that's what I will do; I'd wait through a whole eternity of darkness just to be able to have that light again.
I would say I have nothing left to lose now but I do. I have a baby in me, his baby. I can't give up, I can't walk away.. but I can't fight.
"Alessia", A voice snapped me out of my thoughts. My head was the most dangerous place right now and I couldn't escape it. "Can I come in?", I heard Stacy but I couldn't respond. I did mentally but nothing came out. I didn't even feel sad, nor mad; I didn't feel anything and that's the worse emotion to possibly experience.
I don't know how long i've been on the shower floor but the water was getting cold. I don't understand how it happened or why it happened. Everything went correct i've heard the plan multiple times and dío it didn't even go through?
Happy endings are dangerous and deceptive, they never happen. I didn't have the sad start with the happy ending, I had the dreadful start and a shitty ending.
He left
me
the baby
the I love you's
the smiles
every moment
He left and didn't plan on coming back.
I miss the comfort of being sad, it's a feeling. What i'm feeling right now is absolutely nothing.
Promises scare me because my whole life I was promised the good and no one ever gave me the good. This promise was different, he promised he would always be there and yet it took 2 seconds in the world for him to completely vanish.
"Alessia please let me in", I heard a new voice softly say on the other side of the door. "No", was the only thing managed to say, my head was still racing. Thoughts still on every part of my life scanning over the moments looking for anything. But no matter how hard I tried to find comfort in any other part of my life my head always brought me back to him.
I looked for anything but him even something worse to take my mind off of it, but even rape, abuse, and torture couldn't top the pain of his death.
Maybe just maybe one day we'll meet each other as strangers...that know each other a little far to well in another life.
Giovanni, the person who made the world good, who made my world good.
"Look the whole house is falling apart, i've never seen this many men cry in my life and if they are like this I can't imagine how you are, please let me in."
No response.
I didn't respond, I don't want to talk about something no one understands. How could you possibly understand how it was to loose the only person who ever made you happy, who ever made you feel anything. I can't even understand nor describe the feeling.
I'm tired, i'm tired of not feeling or feeling to much, so I'm closing our book, but I find myself going back rereading the pages hoping for a different ending.
