Standing in-front of mirror , Sibel examined herself for the ninth month. She was officially in her second trimester now things has changed a-lot. She no longer felt nauseated every morning and cravings were increasing every day.
Her belly inflated a teeny tiny. It could hardly be called a bump. Yet it made her feel on the top of the world. Sibel noticed her definition of on top of the world " Changing " every day.
When Ramo came out of the rest room, unable to contain her excitement, she half run to him and he held her arms to stop from falling.
Calm down or you will fall down, Ramo lovingly cupped her face. He asked her to sit.
What is all the excitement about? He asked.
Sibel took his hand and placed it on top of her stomach.
Did you feel anything?
What?
I am asking you, what do you feel?
Did the baby kick you? Ramo asked .
Sibel frowned. She hit him with the cushion placed aside.
Babies don't kick so early, Sibel screamed.
Relex, Ramo caressed the length of her arm as an attempt to help her calm down.
Do you really not feel a thing?Sibel asked.
Just tell me what it is? He demanded.
Do i look fat?Sibel asked.
"Not at all Gülüm " his answer earned him another hit by the cushion.
"Sibel " he screamed.
You are an idiot, Mr feel it properly, Sibel placed his hand in her dress. Ramo was still unable to figure out any change.
Did you understand? Sibel asked.
"Gülüm"
"My bump is showing a bit" she revealed out of excitement.
He scratched his head while thinking of am answer.perhaps she gained a bit of weight but it was hard to tell just by looking at Belly.
He didn't want to disrupt her though and played along.
Oh of course, Ramo Bent down and kissed her belly.sibel felt tinges on her stomach when he did that.
He caressed her stomach as he said.will I ever stop affecting you?
Sibel looked at him with quizzical expressions before going with the obvious that he knew everything in her mind.
Generally women don't want to get fat. Some avoid pregnancy for the same. And here you are getting excited because your belly started showing. Ramo remarked.
" My growing belly is physical evidence of our baby being there. So how can i not be happy.
And about saying fit, once i undergo postpartum recovery, i will work out to get back in shape. Sibel said.
Ramo chuckled when he recalled her adventures during yoga.
Yoga classes tell a different story, Ramo commented.
Sibel frowned, nehir is being a pain in the a***, Ramo was surprised by her use of the curse word. I'll do anything but yoga, i have decided.
He had no qualms with a think paper sibel or a cute chubby sibel. Sibel was all he Needed.
......
Upon Sibel demand, there they were shopping for baby and sibel. Sibel reasoned that Since that her belly was showing, she need new clothes,maternity clothes for later months and they will shop for the baby as well.
"Six months months "Ramo said. The baby will come six months later, why are we shopping now?
" Ramo " the only time you are holding baby naked is when Dr. Esra take out of my belly and give you to hold. Baby will need clothes and we are shopping for them.
Oh really?What about the time when baby pees? Obviously i will see my baby naked. Are you letting me change my baby diapers now?
Don't go so specific! Sibel said you understand what i mean very well.
But I don't understand why we are shopping for baby now? We can shop for you of course, for a baby is it not too soon?
You are talking about being an early bird ramo? Sibel expressed her surprise, you? You are the one who got two feet tall doll house for your princess and all types of balls for your prince.you know right they will have to be Atleast two years old for playing with those.
If you can bring things that will be used two and half years from now. I can buy things that will be needed after six months.
Ramo stood silent. Sibel's mood swings were unpredictable.she got excited to easily. He knew that it was better to zip his mouth for the time being.
.........
Ramo followed Sibel inside a cloths shop for babies. He looked dumbly while she rummaged through the clothes. One by one she picked up leges warmer, footed onesies, trumpette socks, gap bodysuits were picked up.
When Ramo noticed that Sibel looking through the pacifiers, Ramo knew that She was going to fill b their home by baby stuff tonight itself. He grabbed her arm and made face for him.
Ramo do you like purple or pink socks for girl? Sibel showed him both the pairs.
" Buy both and save yourself the trouble. May i ask though if all this is must?"
Sibel frowned.
You don't lemme do my mind. Have patience while i shop, she demanded.
You know what do whatever you want, an impatient Ramo walked Away to stand in a distance and fiddle with his phone.
........
Sibel shopped for the baby hours. Ramo followed along but never paid attention. He was bored. Needless to say,he felt all this was early as well. He didn't like that sibel was not buying maternity clothes she will need in months to come and was instead buying things for the baby who will come later.
Sibel was confused by his lack of interest. He always showed enthusiasm for everything. How could his mood change? She often joked that his mood swings were worse than that of a pregnant lady. Now that she noticed a change in his mood, she was annoyed or upset, her pregnancy hormones added to her annoyance.
How long? Came his voice.
Sibel ignored his question for moments before replying, we are here to shop, it will take time.
You are shopping for three hours and all you have picked up are things for baby. I thought we are shopping for you. Ramo explained.
I and baby are the same. And why you are being so impatient ? Earlier when we would go shopping, you never acted like that , Sibel explained.
Earlier you weren't pregnant either. Words left ramo's mouth.only he knew what he meant by that.it surely did not go well with sibel. She felt numb after hearing him.
What was her fault that she was pregnant?could she not shop now that she is carrying? And what did he mean by " earlier " you were not pregnant either? What changed between now and then.
Ramo...
Plz make it fast, she caressed her arms and placed a kiss on her forehead.
Relief washed over sibel's heart. Ramo was a loving husband.
Sibel cleared her throat. Shall we shop for you now?
Some other day, today we are here for you gülüm.
Sibel hugged ramo just because she needed it. Ramo didn't mind the abrupt gesture at all and wrapped one of his arms around her while the one stayed at place.
Aşkım plz be like this only, I can't handle the smallest change in your behaviour, she almost cried while saying the same.
Ramo groaned, the one thing I don't like about your pregnancy is your emotional self. He caressed her face while his other hand rubbed her back " come on, cheer up"
Sibel faked a faint smile for Ramo's assurance.
.........
Next day,There was a sound before Ramo entered inside. He caught Sibel hugging his shirt.unmindful of the tears in her orbs. He smiled and walked closer to her for taking her in a hug. Sibel would not hug him back. And tried to wiggle out of his arms.
I am here. You no longer need to hug my shirt. He tried to tease.
Sibel whimpered. Ramo held her chin with the tip of his index finger to make her face him.His other hand was busy stroking her back.
I never knew you were so addicted to me, he played with the strand of her hair. Sibel didn't smile as she usually would. I saw our room. It's completely messed up.Three tubs of icecream, your scarfs, coats here and there, the dresser messed up, was there a localised earthquake ?"
Sibel could not figure out by his tone if he was angry or not.He should be given he lost intrest in her, but he seemed not.
He finally noticed his clothes, half were burnt, few were torn or very few safe.
Sibel, he tapped on her shoulder.
Huh? She returned from her thoughts.
Ramo heaved a sigh and cupped her face to meet her in the eye.
I am observing you since last night , you are not same. I don't know are these your mood swings? Now i no longer know. I don't understand. You need help me with this.
Can you not read me? She asked, i thought you could.
I would if it was you, he replied . Half of the time i can not say if it is you or your mood swings. If I cannot diagnosed the problem how am I supposed to treat it Gülüm.
You talk like doctor.
Maybe I am.
Huh?
Your doctor.
She felt Ramo drop a kiss on her hair followed by his Attempt to untangle her arms.His kiss recreated the same sensation she had in past. He observed her for second before he began.
" your belly is under threat " he said as he untangled her arms which were stiff across her chest. If they reach a even a little lower you will crush your belly. Don't be so stiff.
Now who would tell Ramo if she didn't stiffen upon herself. She would lose all control and melt in his arms.
........
Ramo cleaned up the last remnants of the icecream in their room that sibel had spilled sometimes earlier.Even sibel found it hard to believe that he was cleaning all the mess she created by himself and not getting a house helper to do it. She wanted to melt. Then how could a person melt again and again.
Finally, Ramo set beside her, having cleaned the whole room and himself. The fact that he changed himself to into a see- through black shirt did not help Sibel at all. She was tempted to run her lips across the dessert hidden underneath his shirt.she bit her lips.
What was this feeling?
Intimacy with ramo was not a new thing for her. Then what in him made her go weak in the knees now or was it her not him?
Suddenly she felt his arm covering hers which made her look at him. He is already staring at her by the time.
Your coffee, she wanted to escape but his grip on her tightened.
I don't need coffee Sibel, I need you!
Oh shoot Ramo had chosen the worst time to express his feelings,it made her angry.Blame her unsteady mood or whatever.
It cannot always be about you. She said
Ramo noticed aggression in her tone and frowned.
Bana bak sibel, as i said these days i am having a figuring you out. If it is your mood swings better ignore it. You will be fine after some times. I understand if it is something else, do share.
Sibel hissed, ignore is all you do. Even i am having mood swings you better not ignore me, Mr.
Ahh what am I supposed to do?
Handel me.
How? I am so inexperienced in this.it's my first time being father. I don't know how it works. You must tell me what you need me to do. He finished his sentence, his fingers found their home in her waist.
Ramo's eyes saw her being mad at him to being mad at herself within seconds. He tried to wipe her tears, but jerked away his hands.
"I am so bad" she cried, " you are so bad"
He had no idea where to go with it. Both of their relative inexperience with pregnancy did bot help either. Books could teach what to expect, not how to deal.
" shhh"he attempted yet again to help her calm down.
He caressed her arms, tell me what happened , what's wrong? Why are you crying?
When the fragrance of his cologne entered Sibel's senses due to the proximity they shared, she found it hard to slip words from her mouth.. what was happening to her.
I don't know, she cried. I feel bad, worse at times. I love you Ramo not the intimacy you bring along, she gasped, i mean i love our intimacy but i love you more. I don't know what i am saying. My thoughts are so kiddish. I am sorry.This pregame driving me crazy.
Ramo did not know how to help her. He placed a lingering kiss on her temple to which she squirmed out of his embrace. She couldn't tell him the craving she was having. It was to embarrassing to admit.
She gave him a look that he easily understood meant she was hesitant to speak up. He caressed her crook and bought his face close to hers that she felt aversion at her own thoughts.
I am mad both of us.
Why?
We have changed both of us, it's feel like we don't love each other.
You feel that you are out of my love? He asked . She was surprised that he didn't talk about himself. Why would he avoid reacting to that?
"You too" she whispered it was too easy for him to hear.
"List out sibel !" He demanded. All you have in your heart . Reveal things to me like you are talking to yourself.
Sibel was easily persuaded. She considered ramo a part of her own. It was as if she was waiting for him to ask that she would answer.
First thing, i did not like how you reacted at the mall at all. Sibel blurted out.
I was just surprised that you were shopping for the baby when you are due six months later. Then again you were here and there without taking rest. I was just concerned.
This is how you show your concern?
I am sorry. I am. I just thought you were having mood swings and let it be.
Plz don't do it again Ramo. Never ever.
Okay he kissed her to seal their promise.
Tears escaped sibel's eyes when she felt the sensation again.she was not new to this feeling but the fact that it was happening at the wrong time and the wrong place was concerning.
Ramo broke the kiss to wipe her tears.
Why are you crying now Gülüm?
I feel bad, she let it slip.
I told you it is all your mood swings. Nothing much, nothing less. Ramo stated.
What about me feeling horny, it was so not right. She said.
What was wrong on it?He asked as he slipped his hand under her top.it sure didn't help sibel whereas Ramo was happy to comply since he understood what she needed thanks to her face.
" Ramo"the time she took to utter his name equaled amount of time he took to unzip her top.
What are you doing? She asked.
What is wrong in your desires? He rephrased his earlier question.
Sibel gasped as he slipped both his hands under her top and pulled her closer.
Everything is wrong.she finally replied. My love for you should never be physical. Part of the reason I doubt your love was our lack of intimacy recently. I must admit that and it is just so wrong.
"We are husband and wife" Ramo pointed out. It's totally fine to have such feelings for each other. I feel the same. Then why should you not? His hands were descending dangerously low by that time.she gasped again.
"Ramo plz "
What you are feeling right now is normal.you should not feel bad about it. He caressed the spot where his hand was.
A moan escaped her lips.He carried in his arms and placed her on her side of bed. Eyes locked.
Her thoughts took her to another distress. She was feeling good, but should she? Her mood should have had nothing to do with sex or lack there of,was she turning into cheap?
Ramo said it was perfectly alright to feel such in pregnancy, but she had a hard time accepting the fact.
Ramo sighing,Ramo collapsed beside her. He lied down on top of his stomach while he flung an arm to hold sibel close.
Rest we will talk again he promised. He knew well that she failed to understand herself and accept her needs wholeheartedly.
There the irony lied. Girls these day work hard to prove themselves equal to boys front of society. And here sibel ,his wife, a girl unable to accept her carnal cravings when she was perfectly alright with that of Ramo's.
........
To be continued
