Sibel had a busy day in the office the day after. She was preparing to go on her maternity leave three weeks later. As she laid on the bed Ramo arranged for her in a room adjacent to her cabin during her break time, thoughts of not being able to feed her baby soon after birth bothered her again.
One of the many physical changes she faced, one of them, she realised, her body was preparing to breast feed. It was a strange craving she had lately. She had such imaginations as soon as she knew of being pregnant, but these days those dreams turned out to have become inclinations.
And then, the thought of not being able to do it asap hurt her. Sometimes she felt was overreacting,being mawkish to an extent .
Then again, was there scale to to denounce mother's love? This is over the top and that is not? She knew it.
" come in" she allowed when her secretary knocked on the door twice. She straightened up and asked her secretary about schedule for the rest of the day.
Work kept her busy, yet it could not eliminate the pessimistic thoughts altogether .
.......
Sibel shifted uncomfortably in their bed in the searching for some comfort. Ramo half woke up because of her constant shifting on the bed. He took in his arms and placed her head on his chest to provide her some warmth.
She raised her head from his chest saying , ramo plz. I am not in the mood. A half sleep ramo expressed his surprise, I thought you love cuddling.
Yes, she replied but baby hates it.
What? Baby doesn't like my new cologne now? He asked stupefied.
Sibel hit on his chest, you put cologne to sleep? It's just. I don't feel like right now, please.
Ramo let her go, she shifted away from and slept further on the right side of the bed. He felt slightly disappointed. All he tried to do waa make her feel good.
The fact that Sibel hardly ever ignored him before being pregnant got into his nerves. Every time she ignored him was because they fought for some reason. The only far- fetched reason he caught was her pregnancy. The site he went to, the articles he read, the man whose wife left him when she was pregnant, scared him more.
He kept staring at the sleeping figure of Sibel. All she cared about these days was her pregnancy. He was no longer her priority. It was the baby, somehow, he could not digest the fact.
Getting up from the bed, he look for coffee. Caffeine was the second thing that could calm him down.
Sadly for ramo, on that particular night , caffeine did not lill help.
When will things come back to normal? He murmured looking at sleeping sibel and went back to sleep.
......
Ramo stood up and pulled up the zip of his jacket once they both had finished their breakfast. Sibel looked up at him trying to figure out what he was up now.
Get ready we are going on tour around.
She frowned, I don't want to go out. She said.
Why? He asked.
I don't feel like that.
I promise After lunch, we will be back,after that you can take rest and i will probably swim in the pool or something.
Ramo no, she insisted.
Ramo stared at her. He wanted to show his anger. It wasn't like she never saw it. But he worried that his rage will affect Sibel negatively and in turn their baby.
For the sake of his child, he avoided bursting out on her and moved away to another corner of the terrace. He pretend to look around the city. Sibel knew better.
She reached behind him and slipped her arms around his form taking him in a back hug.
Initially ramo act like stubborn child.
After that, Like every time she managed to defeat his displeasure.
.....
The day was the worst for Ramo. Not only they did not tour around but she seemed to uninterested in talking to him as well. He spent the evening fighting with the water in the pool. When he earlier said she could rest while he swam, he imagined she should sit by the chairs they provided near the pool and he would have some fun showing off his
skills.
He hardly imagined she would snore through the evening as well. That was another visible change in her during these days. She had started to snore as well.They were deeply in love.
He said he didn't want child at the moment, he wanted all of sibel's attention for some time. Then he only decided that they could have a child at this point of their marriage. Now he seemed to be questioning his own decision.Ramo strolled wherever his feet took him. He tried to understand pregnant sibel as much as possible. He could not. He was so hurt by her behaviour today, Sibel couldn't even acknowledge his efforts these days. He didn't do them for her appraisal, but he expected a teeny tiny bit of her love. Human heart was crazy
.........
Sibel, see i can explain, ramo inched closer to her. She stepped away. Tears trailed down her cheeks.
Ramo I came here for apologies, but I never thought you will ever consider our child to be your mistake.Sibel voice rung in his ears.
Bak ramo , Remember when we had the discussion on why or why not to have baby. I heard all your reasons and all your excuses to not have baby. I wanted to have a baby when both of us ready. I never tried to force you. You told me you're completely comfortable and want us to have a family. Why did you lie? She hit relentlessly on his chest.
I.. I didn't lie, Ramo tried to justify himself, that's what I thought. I thought i was ready and even now i think .
What huh? You think this baby is mistake?
It's not like that .
Don't lie I heard you talking to someone over the phone.
On phone call
(Kardeşim bak, i am a demanding person, i need her all attention and love just for myself. I can't handle the fact that my own child is taking my wife away from me. I am ashamed to say all this but I can't control how i feel , right)
.......
I am not sure how to explain, he run his palms over his face and took a long, deep breathe .
Gimme a break. After some time, i will be back to normal.
A part of him wanted to give her a reality check, it wanted to yell at her for being so obsessed with the baby that everything else became unimportant to her. Yet he had to stop. He needed to stop. She was carrying his child and in no way he wanted to make her cry especially when she was pregnant. She was crying though.
"No! She grabbed his collar, what you really think is clear to me today.you never wanted this child, right? You lied to me after taking a decision in a hurry and destroyed our lives Ramo!"
Listen to me, you are overreacting, he tried to have his say before she showed him the front of her palm gesturing him to stop.
I am not. You make me think i am, she accused.
"Oh please " he burst out on her, you are overreacting like you always do and expect me to understand. Neither can I! I am done with your behaviour now,my baby this,my baby that, is there a life beyond this baby for you or what? Are you baby mother or sibel? You are both! I understand you love baby but this love turning into obsession without your knowledge. You forgot that you have your own existence beyond the baby.
Sibel looked at him with visible anger in her eyes and fisted the collar of his shirt, how can you say that? Don't you know what being mother is? Of course how will you? You are a man! And as they say, a man can not become a father until he sees the baby with his own eyes. Lemme tell you Mr .ramzan kaya, though when a woman becomes a mother, her first duty is to take care of that child. I love this child and it's also my duty to take care of him. Yas i care for the baby because if i won't no one else will. His home is in my body. Yas i am emotional, melodramatic you can say if that give you peace but I won't stop caring for him because my baby is the someone I love the most.
So you finally voiced it out, Ramo uttered with gritted teeth.
What does that mean? She fumed in anger.
That you love and care for the baby most, Ramo replied.
Isn't that obvious? She sneered almost.
" of course" he faced from her, it is well known that nothing can compete mother's nor a woman can love someone more than her own baby even if she wants. You are no different.
Sibel quivered her eyes. Now only, it seemed, that she was really playing attention to his words. Earlier she was blinded by her love for the baby and the anger it caused to not actually paying to the arguments from his side that were, after all, poorly made.Now looking at his face and hearing his voice, she was sure his problem was not yet voiced out. He was lying, or hiding the truth.
She stepped closer, tried to hold him and ask his problem. He stepped away from the zone.
"I am sorry " I shouldn't have yelled like that when you are pregnant. I told you it's just a phase. Just give me a break, I'll be fine.
We will meet straight at dinner time. You can rest, watch tv or whatever you like till then. I'll get some fresh air.
He concluded and tried going away from her. Her instinct la kicked in. Now she felt sure that he lied. He was hiding his real feelings behind her overprotectiveness over the baby. Had he not been overprotective? Yes a lot towards the beginning. He couldn't accuse her of the same.
She strode her way towards him.his feet was taller so he had the absolute advantage to cover more distance than her at time while she walked at a slower pace these days than she would traditionally, which made it hard for her to get caught up with him.
........
Precap
Sibel, I can't control my feelings though, can i? Earlier i was your first priority , all your attention on me. Suddenly i am having to share you. I couldn't take easily and ended up questioning my own decision, he bared his heart.
.......
A/N
If anyone offended by what Ramo thinks of the baby, i am sorry . All i am trying to show is that pregnancy is not as lovey- dovey or extremely painful/ sad/ disgusting as tv serials and fan fictions have made it to be. Take a look at various forums and articles all over the internet where real people post daily to get am idea of what it really is.
