Just The Way You Are: A Ronks Story

What Happened To Sneakers and Ham

Smokey sniffed a flowerpot. He liked it. He peed on the flowerpot.

Smokey sniffed a tree. He liked it. He peed on the tree. 

Smokey sniffed Remus's foot. He liked it, and licked between his big toe and the toe next to it. He then peed on it.

"SMOKEEEEEY!!!" roared Remus. "You need to stop marking my foot!"

"Wuf?" Smokey looked up at Remus with adorable puppy-dog eyes. Remus's heart melted. It had become obvious, that despite the fact that Remus was constantly reprimanding him, that Smokey was Remus's favorite of the litter. The two did everything together, and had once even had computer time together, when Smokey had gotten into Tonk's iPad and had locked her out for forty-seven years. Tonks was still trying to get into it, and had succeeded in adding another one hundred forty-seven years to it.

So, Smokey was banned from all technology.

Also the garbage. Smokey had been left outside, and had found the garbage cans. Sniffing them, the little dog had found a small gap between the trash can and the wall, and with his muscular puppy body, had tipped it over. Then he'd feasted on some rotten pastrami, (Old Gold often dumped his garbage in their can, and was apparently living the high live), and poor Smokey, not realizing that there was bacteria in it, had thrown up on Remus's foot, instead of peeing on it. Remus had contacted his doctor with a few questions about rabies, and about a rabies vaccination. He'd also washed his foot with several different kinds of antibacterial germ-killing soaps.

Tonks's favorite was Pastrami. She kissed her and hugged her, and squeezed her little round belly until it threatened to  pop. Pastrami was brown, with pointed ears like Richard. Tonks didn't know when to stop hugging her.

Sirius liked Earlobe. He was a fat, brown puppy, the happiest of the litter. He wiggled whenever anyone picked him up. He also liked Sirius's glue-tasting churros. He would eat for hours if he could. Tonks said that was why he was so fat. Sirius argued that he just needed to grow a little, and then Earlobe would thin out.

"It's his baby fat," Sirius would say to anyone who disagreed with him.

Sausage and Ham were their parents favorites. Well, they were. Until Sneakers ran out into the road and got hit by a car. Ham, unsure of what was happening, ran after her, and got crushed too. Only Tonks's screaming alerted anyone to their situation. As Sirius put it, "There was no death cry. Except Tonks's."

The man who hit Ham and Sneakers looked shocked.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't even see them! They just ran out in front of me, and--" The man's hands were shaking. "I never even meant to hit a speed bump, much less two dogs!"

"It's okay," said Remus. "You didn't mean to."

"And where the heck did you come from?" asked the man. "You just... appeared!"

"It's not okay!" yelled Tonks, swinging her mini backpack over her head and taking the man down with it.

"Tonks!" gasped Remus, snatching it away. His arm sank like a rock. "What do you keep in here, a brick?"

"Well, I used to. But I upgraded to a hunk of copper with spikes."

"Good to know," said Remus. "Although it would have been great if you'd told me that earlier." Blood was oozing down the side of Remus's arm, and a few spikes adorned with the red liquid were sticking out of the side of the bag.

"Sorry," said Tonks, her eyes wide. 

"Never mind, we have bigger fish to fry," said Remus. "I propose we go back inside before he wakes up."

"Yeah, let's go." Sirius grabbed the dogs' bodies, and carried them out in front of him with an important air. "Here lie the sacred dogs of the Ming Dynasty. They--"

"Sirius!" protested Remus.

"Fine."

Tonks seemed fine with the death of Sneakers and Ham, other than seeming a bit surprised that her beloved pets were dead, she was handling it fairly well.

When Tonks was sandwiched between Remus and the wall again, in bed, she couldn't help but wonder if it had been painful for the dogs to die. She really hoped not, they had been such good pets. Also, Sneakers had been the very first dog she'd had. As a kid, she'd begged and pleaded for a dog, but the biggest pet she'd had was a cat, which, her dad said, was 'really close, it just makes a different noise.' It was because Andromeda despised dogs, since they had used to get into her garbage cans.

Tonks felt a tear slide down her cheek. She missed Ham and Sneakers.

"Tonks? Are you crying?" Remus's voice jerked Tonks out of her thoughts.

"No," said Tonks, pulling her blanket over her head. "Leave me alone."

Remus quietly reached over to rub Tonks's back. She didn't pull away, since there was nowhere to pull away to.

"I miss Sneakers," said Tonks, breaking the silence. "And Ham. But even more I miss Sneakers. I miss the way she used to curl up next to me, and the way she would eat all my gummy bears, and the way she would lick my hands after every meal."

"I get it," said Remus softly. "I miss her too. But you still have five perfectly breathing dogs to keep you company. Anything you want?"

"Pastrami," whimpered Tonks.

"Okay, um... Any idea where she is?"

"Probably hiding in the curtains."

"I'll go get her." Remus slid out of bed and snuck downstairs to the living room, where he ran into Sirius.

"Why are you still up?" he asked.

"Tonks wants Pastrami. Hey, is she behind the curtains?" asked Remus.

"Why would Pastrami be behind the curtains? I'll get it." Sirius disappeared and returned with a slice of meat, which he handed to Remus.

"Um... thanks?"  The real Pastrami raced down the stairs, smelling the meat. Remus shrugged, and scooped the dog up with his free arm.

Upstairs, Tonks was out like a light, so Remus gently placed Pastrami beside her and decided to eat the meat. 

Meanwhile, Old Gold's owner was back, with a lump on his head. He patted Old Gold. "I had the craziest day. I  killed two dogs and then a girl smacked me in  the head with a mini backpack.  But of course you can't understand me, you're just a dog."