Just The Way You Are: A Ronks Story

Squirrel

"Merry  Christmas!" yelled Sirius on Christmas morning.

"Can I sing the Twelve Days of Misery?" asked Tonks.

"No, let's keep things child-friendly around here." Sirius threw a gift and hit Ginny in the head. She fell over.

"Best Christmas ever!" cheered the red-head, before passing out. Tonks scampered through a sea of wrapping paper towards the girl, and poked her arm. Then she poked it again. Ginny didn't move.

"She do be dead," said Tonks, giving Ginny a final pat on the head. 

Ginny suddenly sat straight up and surprised Tonks by singing "O' Holy Night" in an angelic voice. "I love Christmas," sighed the child when she'd finished. Tonks scrambled backwards. 

"Oh, um... okay." Tonks busied herself by toying with the Christmas tree. It had shed pine needles all over the carpet. "Maybe we should have gotten an artificial tree. This one's falling apart." Tonks extracted her hand from the tree. "Also, there's a lizard hanging off my hand and I'm bleeding." Tonks stared down at a shocked alligator lizard, which was hanging off her hand by its teeth.

"Aw, it's so cute!" said Sirius. Tonks was trying to shake it off her hand. The lizard ran across the room and disappeared into Remus's pocket. Tonks gasped, but she began to see  it as funny. If Remus reached into his pocket, he would pull out a lizard! Giggling maniacally, she pranced over to Ginny to tell her what she'd done.

"Ooh, what other pranks are you going to do?" asked Ginny.

"I don't know..." Tonks's mind swirled with possible tricks. "Let's think of some!"

"Yeah!" said Ginny. "Can I help?"

"Yes! And, we'll need Sirius too. You don't want him as your enemy," said Tonks. 

"Let's do this," snickered Ginny.

Soon, Tonks, Sirius, and Ginny were sitting outside with Remus, watching Mad-Eye give Mundungus a snow facial. Mundungus was screaming with all his might for someone to come save him. 

"Ahhhh! Help mphppheeee!"

Tonks, Sirius, and Ginny cackled evilly, rubbing their hands together. 

"You guys are being very weird," said Remus, sipping his mug of hot chocolate. 

"Weird?" asked Sirius.

"Us?" asked Ginny. 

"Never," said Tonks, shaking her head.

Remus shrugged. "Well, I'm going to watch this entertaining violence, and I won't let you three weird me out with whatever," Remus waved a hand, "This is. Now, I'm going to put on my earmuffs to drown you out." Remus put on fluffy brown earmuffs. A note was embroidered on a piece of fabric sticking out of them. It read,  Remus, sweetie, be good and take your vitamins. Love, mother.

"Well, we've lost him to the world of violence," said Sirius, shaking his head

"I'd prank him if he weren't my boyfriend," sighed Tonks. "Should I just break up with him so I can drag him into a lizard ambush?" she asked.

"Naw, he's harmless," Ginny objected. "Now come on, we've got some pranking to do!"

"Wait!" cried Tonks, suddenly screeching to a halt. "The lizard! It's cold out here, and it'll die!"

"Uh oh," said Ginny. She hurried over to Remus. "Hey, um, Lupin? So, I might have been using your coat to store M&Ms, so I was wondering if I could have them back."

A smile played at the corner of Remus's mouth, and Ginny could tell he was working hard not to laugh at her. 

"Er, yes, Ginny." Remus reached into his right coat pocket.

"No, no, other one," said Ginny, stuffing her hands deeper into her own pockets.

Remus shrugged and searched his left pocket. An odd look came over his face, and then one of pain. He quickly jerked his hand out of his pocket. The alligator lizard was attached to it.

"AHHHHHH!" Remus waved his hand, and the lizard went flying. Sirius caught it and threw the poor lizard to Tonks who rubbed it with her gloves, trying to get it warm.

"YOU!" roared Remus, just as Sirius broke down into laughter. Remus got up and chased him, around and around, trying to shove him into the snow.

"Tonks! Heeeelp!" screamed Sirius. 

"No. He's my boyfriend. I can't do anything, or we'll most likely break up." Tonks was grinning so that she looked like a piano without the black keys.

"Aw, come on! I'm your cousin! You're gonna stand by and watch your boyfriend kill your cousin?" asked Sirius in mock surprise.

"Mmmm, I guess so."

Ginny was doubled over with laughter. The lizard jumped onto her shoulder, down her arm, and onto her palm, where it wound itself around her fingers, flicking its tongue out of its mouth.

After Sirius had escaped Remus's wrath, he sat down on the couch in the living room, shivering and wrapping a blanket around himself.

"Well, Remus shoved snow down the front and back of my shirt. And now I'm very, very cold and wet," lamented Sirius, pulling the blanket tighter around himself.

"Well, then change clothes," said Tonks. "It's stupid to sit around in wet fabric. Aren't your clothes meant to keep you warm?"

"No, they're meant to cover my body, what else would they be for?" asked Sirius.

"Um, sure," said Tonks, brushing away several images from her mind. "Anyway, did you give Buckbeak anything for Christmas?"

"Yep!" Sirius brightened. "Come see!" He jumped up, prancing to Buckbeak's room. Tonks followed, looking around as she went. The many troll heads never ceased to horrify her, and she shuddered as she passed them.

When Sirius opened the door to Buckbeak's room, the first thing Tonks saw was a bloody mess of guts and bits of fur on Buckbeak's bedding. 

"And what exactly did you get him?" asked Tonks, willing herself not to throw up.

"Well, see, usually he gets a meal of a few rats. But I gave him a whole squirrel!" exclaimed Sirius proudly.

"Nice," said Tonks, mentally filing the squirrel in a place in her mind reserved for terrible sights she couldn't unsee.