Alpha Dhampir~ On Hold

Chapter 12

Dmitri Belikov

Life at Court was boring. That's the only way I could describe it as, without a charge, life for a Dhampir was quite silent. I didn't know what to do with myself, there was only so much time I could spend at the gym and having dinner with my friends. However, everyone who saw me who were outside of my friends, would have thought I was beyond happy, always smiling at those who passed me, happy to spar with recently graduated guardians. But I wasn't happy not at all. I missed my Roza, I missed the woman who always brought a smile to my face, who lightened my otherwise dark world.

Every day was the same, I trained for hours either by myself or with Guardians who were game enough to face me but let's just say they never came back for another round. All I did was train, I trained to be better, to ensure that history would never repeat itself, I trained to improve my skills, so that I could dedicate all my abilities to protecting the Princess. It was the least I could after I failed to protect the one person I promised to. I promised to protect Rose from everything, and I failed! She was dead, dead because she was in such a low point of her life she couldn't bother to fight back. It was my fault she was so low, I treated her abhorrently, I treated her so abominably. I could never forgive myself.

Looking back, I deserved to be a shell of myself, this continuous numb sensation. I couldn't believe I had told such an atrocious lie and that it led to her death. I always thought that I would have died before her, either defending her or our charge. I had prayed that we would get to the point where we could marry, and I would have been happy with a childless life if it meant that I could spend every day till my death by her side.

I had promised that her heart was safe with me, that I would never throw it away. But that was exactly what I did. I threw her heart to the curb after everything she did for me. She left her bond-sister and future charge to hunt me down and free me. She was willing to kill the love of her life, me, for me, and what did I do? Threatened and tried to turn her into the same beast that I was. I stalked and haunted her after she thought she had succeeded; I drew her out to me by kidnapping her friends. I tried to kill her but even then, she didn't do anything but love me. She loved me through all of our hardships and thanks to one lie, an extremely false truth, she died thinking that I didn't love her. That couldn't have been the furthest from the truth, I would have given my life for hers, and I had.

Unknown to many, during those moments in the caves before being turned I found out the truth. Rose, my Roza was the target. Someone had wanted her gone, out of the way and they had an order to make sure that I out of everyone wasn't harmed, but obviously Nathan was incapable of following orders. Well, I knew that from my time back in Russia, running and working under Gallina's thumb.

I thought I was saving Rose's reputation, her future by removing her from my side. I hadn't wanted her to be dragged down with my now stained reputation, instead she was dead, wasting away left gods knows where, and I have been given the position of head Guard for the next Queen. Life wasn't fair. Rose was the one who deserved such a remarkable chance, not that she could agree to it, all she wanted to be, was Lissa's Guardian; but still- she was the one who deserved the position not me.

I struggled to see the light in the day anymore. The only time where I was truly happy was when I was asleep dreaming of the future that had been taken away from me. Don't get me wrong, time spent with my friends and family were pretty close to being perfect, but every time I saw them, may it be my Court friends, or my family, Rose was missing and so therefore it wasn't perfect. The first time I reconnected with my family, Lissa and Christian had paid for them to come over. Babushka slapped me and spat at me before running off in the direction that Mikhail had said Rose had died in. I had many times scouted that side of the Court in hopes that Rose had gotten away and was trying to get home, hoping that one day she would appear, but she never did. Mama was no better, she screamed at me as did Viktoria; but then again, my little sister was also guilty of mistreating Rose. She had the gall to accuse my Roza of not loving me enough and lying about me returning said love. But what surprised me the most was how depressed and sad Sonja and Karolina were. Apparently, even though Rose didn't think so, the three of them had gotten close. In all, my entire family loved Roza, just as much as I did, and to find out that she was dead and it was my fault, well let's say I wasn't in my family's good books.