Sweater || Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter 12: Sweater

I held my stuffed white seal against my chest as I sniffled. It had been a month since Leo and I had moved in together. At first we had been civil to one another and I had fought off my OCD, but it was starting to build up, and now was the explosion.

"And I can't fucking always go around your schedule all the time! For fuck's sake, Pamela, why can't I use the bathroom when you're washing your face at the sink?! Would it kill you to clean the toilet again?! I'm not even that germy and you act like I have the plague!"

Tears streamed down my face as he kept yelling from just outside the bedroom door.

"And I'm sorry that I can't wash my hands for every little thing. It's impossible to do that often. My hands start getting really dry and cracked. You've got to stop worrying so much." I lied on my side as I curled into a ball, my mental health spiraling as I squeezed my eyes shut. Leo was the one person who made things better, and the more he got angry with me the worse my habits became. They were my relaxing mechanisms, especially when he wasn't helping to ease my worries anymore. "I love you, but I can't reassure you all the time! You're beautiful, Pamela, and you've got to stop second guessing yourself. You have to find it within yourself, so that you don't need mine or anyone else's approval all the time."

I just wanted the old days back when Leo and I were blissfully dating, or when we first made love.

"And another thing, we haven't made love in weeks because you can't stand the thought of me not showering first. By the time I shower I'm out of the mood. I mean, yeah, it's not a bad idea, but it's exhausting, Pamela. Do you hear me? Are you listening?" I muffled my sniffs as he finally pushed open the door since I had shut him out. I didn't mutter a word as I heard him coming over, closing my eyes as tears trickled past my cheeks.

"It's okay if you hate me, Leo. I know you haven't said it out loud, but you don't have to." My voice became shaky as the salty tears flowed freely. "You've been saying it a million other ways. I am so sorry... I wish I could change. I didn't expect to get worse when you moved in. If you want to go then maybe it would be for the best."

I flinched when Leo touched my shoulder, him crawling on the bed so he could face me.

"Hey... I didn't realize I was being so hard on you. I'm sorry, Pamela."

"You're sorry?" I croaked, struggling to see him through my blurred vision.

"I've never seen you so broken before, and fuck, I'll be damned if I'm the cause of it. Please don't cry. We can work something out." He cradled me in his arms as I hugged the seal tighter, having mixed emotions about this forgotten affection.

"Can you please just be more understanding? I think it will get better if you are. That's why when we were first dating it got better." I hiccuped as Leo leaned down to press his lips against mine for a little while, barely kissing them before parting.

"Alright, I promise I'll try. I still love you, Pamela."

"I wish I was better. I wish I didn't-"

"Sh... Sh... I love you, okay? I fucking love you so much that I'm willing to put up with any habits you have. I know you said you didn't want to move into my place, but if we did, you could have your own bathroom. I think that would fix a lot of the problems. And I could help you to feel more comfortable on other things, okay?"

I reluctantly nodded since I didn't want to leave this place, yet I knew it was for the best for our relationship. "Okay," I whispered, him giving me a proper kiss as my face finally dried.

It was tough looking around the interior one last time, my last suitcase in my hand. So many memories had formed in this house, all of my best with Leo. I was glad that I was at least leaving by his side.

When I got settled into his place, things instantly got better, and we quit arguing as much until we rarely struck up a fight.

I laid in our bed as I hugged myself in his yellow sweater, still loving the smell of him on it. I even cuddled the seal he gave me every night, it sometimes getting caught between us as we cuddled as well.

"Hey," Leo softly smiled, fresh out of a shower. I had gotten over being at such a high level of fearing germs, but sometimes he still did sweet gestures like cleaning up before we made love.

"Hey," I echoed, smiling into the kiss as he climbed over me.

"You still wearing my sweater to bed?" He raised an eyebrow as I giggled softly.

"Yeah, I really love it. I still love how it smells like you and how it's so soft and cozy."

"Do you mind if I take it off?" He tugged at the bottom of it as I shook my head.

"Please do." More giggles escaped my lips when he was surprised to find a light blue tank top underneath.

"How many layers do you have on?"

"I'm like one of those packages where you open one, and there's another one inside," I joked, my eyes glittering.

"I think you're really tired, Pamela. You only act this way when you're tired. Are you sure you're up to doing this?"

"Yes. I want you." I hooked my legs around his waist as he fought with my shirt, but stopped when my giggles started up again. "That tickles. Ah!" I laughed as he suddenly began tickling me on purpose, me gasping for air as he joined in on my laughter. After a few minutes he finally stopped, both of us attempting to catch our breath as he hovered over me again.

"You know, your sweater was the first time I started changing," I spoke out loud.

"Yeah?"

I nodded as I further explained, "I never would let anything touch my skin that wasn't freshly washed after a shower, but I forced myself to do that with your sweater. I slept in it every night, not caring it wasn't completely clean. I didn't want it to be washed though because it had your cologne on it. It was like having a warm hug from you when you weren't there. This sweater is what made me realize I could change with you."

He smiled warmly as he leaned down to kiss me sweetly. "I'm glad I could help you to change."

"It really sucked that you yelled at me at my house, but I love how you were willing to help me get better. Eventually you were patient again, and now my mental health's better than it's been in years. I'm not quite as scared of germs as I was, and my OCD is getting under control. I love you for realizing there is no easy cure for this, but with your love and support it's definitely easier."

Leo had such a loving look in his blue orbs that I couldn't believe it. How could anyone think of me as their entire world? I didn't think a single soul would ever be able to deal with me let alone love me.

"I'm glad Kate told me how you were quiet, and took some time to open up. I thought you just weren't interested at first."

"I guess we have Kate to thank then for getting us together," I faintly smiled.

"Yeah, but first there's something I want to do just the two of us," he smirked, meeting his lips with mine as it gradually morphed into deep passion. Not only did I think no one would ever love me, but I never dreamed I would love someone like this as well. And to think, the first sign this was something extra special was a sweater, yellow with hope like the shining sun.

A/N: Hey guys, I can't believe the story is over. I had planned on making it longer, but I realized I didn't have any ideas beyond these, so I decided it was best to end it here. Plus, even though I loved writing this book, it kind of made me think about my own OCD more, and it was kind of messing with me a little. (X I can't believe that Leo allowed his OCD to get worse, so he could play the part of "The Aviator" realistically in real life. Now I have a glimpse into what that might have been like. I hope you enjoyed this story. Thank you so much for reading. I love you all so much! <3