𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 ☀︎︎ 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙯

xxxv

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Self reflection seemed to be something Ayla has been doing frequently. The non-stop thoughts that has been running through her head has her all over the place. With her being portrayed as the bad guy didn't help at all. She was feeling mentally and emotionally drained because of everything. Not to mention, her parents were in town and despite not wanting them to be there at all. She doesn't know the reason for the sudden appearance, though she hoped it was something that'll not drain her even more. The only upside seemed to be a proper closer she would have with Dream.

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"I know we haven't spoken with each other recently..." I trail off, "I had no excuse to lead you on like that." I spoke up after the silence we were in after he picked up the call.

I was sitting alone in my room, as I stared towards the face-time call with Dream. "You had every right to get mad at me." It has been a week since the tweet he addressed towards the both of us. Only now was the time where I had the guts to actually talk to him asides from the persuasion Hayes did.

"You weren't the only one at fault. I was wrong too, I made it very apparent in a few streams." He finally speaks up. "I guess I didn't like the thought of losing you to someone else."

I propped my leg up and let both the twin cats were on my lap, minus Atlas that was asleep yet again on the ground. A few minutes of silenced surrounded us before I spoke up once more. "Can I be honest?" I asked and waited for his response.

He hums. "Mhmm."

"A reason why a part of me was confused that time was probably because I never really had a stable relationship let alone a non-toxic one with anyone. I was used to being told off and even when I've done nothing wrong."

I let out a sigh, "I never really cared to admit if my actions were the cause because I was so used to always being wrong that for once I wanted to be in the right. Yet, somehow I was already in the wrong."

"Growing up, my parents never really gave me attention until I got myself into ballet. My mom finally showed me how much she cared about me, always making sure I got the best things whenever I was a lead in a recital. I was so used to making sure I made her proud even when I disliked ballet with a passion. It was only a couple years back when I dropped it and met Corpse. That was when I always made sure I was someone no one would step on. It's probably the root of my insecurities, just wanting to please people. So when I've seen how much people adored us together, I didn't want to let them down even for a while. I didn't realize how fucked up the shit I was doing when I finally saw how much I've hurt you when I strung you along. I don't mind if you won't forgive me but just know I really truly am sorry."

Dusk and Dawn were moving around my arms as we both sat in silence, I couldn't bare to look at his reaction with me being so vulnerable in front of him. I was usually the talkative one between us, well when we used to talk before at least.

"I can't blame nor hate you for what you did, no matter how much I want to." He began, "I understand where you're coming from now, I just wish I didn't feel like an asshole for being blatantly rude towards you. It was definitely out of character of me to wish that you've hurt way more than I did."

"It's okay, you had every right. If I were honest from the beginning, we wouldn't end up here." I interrupted him as I looked up. "Sure, I felt really horrible after everything and the backlash but it was my fault for ever trying something when I was already interested in someone else despite denying it all the time." I give him a small smile. "I'd get it too if you still need time for things to get back to the way it used to be."