The Gift of Merci

Chapter 34 - Death Bed

If I'm honest with myself, I never thought I'd find myself here again—in this place, this feeling. Stuck. A stagnant energy anchoring down my heart and soul. It's like wading through muddy water: exhausting and seemingly endless.

I received a diagnosis of Chronic Depression when I was just nine, a label I brushed aside. It wasn't shame that made me ignore it; I knew it didn't define me. Instead, I wished it away, hoping to never experience that darkness again. I lived under the luminous rays of sunshine, forgetting that depression, like a dormant volcano, has the potential to erupt at any moment. Suddenly, the sleeping dragon inside me awoke, catching me off guard.

Mornings stretched longer in bed, skipping activities I once loved. Pajamas lingered on, and my daily routine shifted to late hours. Convincing myself to work became an arduous task. Books gathered dust as I drowned in series, cocooned in my duvet.

Initially, I was furious with myself. I couldn't fathom why simple tasks felt insurmountable. Things that once brought joy now left me hollow. But being angry only fueled the emptiness.

So here I am, writing about it, finding comfort in expression. Yet, I'm not here solely for myself. I'm here for you.

You, whoever you may be—young or seasoned, any gender. Depression doesn't discriminate like society does. It lurks in your mind, turning suppressed insecurities into haunting nightmares, feeding a self-hatred narrative. Please, beautiful person, don't succumb to it. Your depression may have whispered otherwise, but it's an expert at that.

However impossible it may seem, you don't have to listen. Be kind to yourself. Progress takes time; you might stumble, but that doesn't equate to failure. As long as you're breathing, the universe hasn't finished with you. You don't have to remain in this pit. Embrace yourself and affirm that everything will be okay. You hold the power to resist the pull of depression. After that, it becomes easier. The toughest step is showing up for yourself. From there, lean on others: talk to friends, parents, therapists. Take a walk, practice yoga, cook a meal, indulge in self-care—whatever feels comforting.

Recall moments before this darkness. There was sunshine, and there will be again. Decide to pursue that brightness. Be gentle, patient, and compassionate with yourself. The dragon will sleep again, for however long it needs.

This is a part of life, something we must manage. There's no magic cure, but we can navigate it. You're among the universe's strongest survivors.

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For nearly a month, she remained confined to her deathbed.

Days melded into weeks, then months, time slipping by without a clear explanation.

Academically, she's falling behind.

The need to rise weighs heavy, but how?

Then, she saw the man again—this time, in her dreams.