A Pirate's Life for Me

Chapter 3: Captain

Levi kept his confident stance as another trickle of sweat ran down the back of his neck. He'd grown up in Florida and was used to the heat and humidity and all the rest of Floridian craziness (a guy got arrested in Olive Garden for eating pasta with too much aggression the other day), but it was a whole new level of heat when wearing boots, pants, multiple long sleeved shirts, a hat, and a wig. 

But this was the life of a Disney face character. A very highly wanted, praised position.

He swore he saw a guy cry when he didn't make the cut. Levi preferred him to the ones that had glared daggers after the auditions, as if he'd stabbed them all in the back to get the job. He shriveled at the thought of killing a bug, so that definitely hadn't been on his mind. Still, he could see where they'd been coming from. Most of them had acted in plays. Some were standup comedians with impressive improv skills, all of them roguishly handsome.

Then came quiet, no experience Levi, snagging the role, the others auditioning gawking at him like he was already Jack Sparrow, somehow thwarting the East India Trading Company's plans with nothing but a shred of luck. Because Disney only hired the best of the best.

"Interesting," Oliver had said that day at auditions, causing his neck to prickle, "I never suspected you could even act. Then again, they're mostly looking for people of the right height and build. There's not as much competition here."

Levi banished the thought from his mind. Because he wasn't Levi right now, he was Captain Jack Sparrow, and he had guests to talk to. Which was difficult because he had his own fountain running down his back and it wasn't the fountain of youth.

The next group of guests came forward. It was a group of women who looked like they'd spent the past few hours drinking around the world at Epcot—not just because of the way they stumbled more than he did, but because they were wearing Epcot shirts that had clearly been marked off with at least half the countries. Why they would take so much time to take a bus over here when they clearly weren't done with their festivities didn't really bode well.

There were six of them and they came forward like a hoard of zombies, grinning and feasting with their eyes to the point where Levi almost backed up into his corner. But he stood his ground, pasted on a charming smile, and said, "Ah, ladies. How fortuitous of you to venture into Adventureland today."

But I'm not your adventure, he thought, hoping to keep his phrasing very clear when it came to him not being exactly happy that they were there. Not when they were clearly trouble.

Maybe they wouldn't be trouble. They hadn't even said anything—

"Hello, captain." And all his hopes drowned at how incredibly flirtatious the head girl, who had red hair, declared, "Do you wants a red head?"

He gave her props for at least quoting the ride. Or, well, the ride before they'd changed it to better reflect the times. "I'm not in the market right now, but thanks."

"I guess he's just sampling." The red head elbowed one of her friends. They all started giggling. She took another step forward, unsteady, eyes dilated before meeting his. "Do you want to sample me?"

He immediately looked around to see what all the other Cast Members were doing just to see who could call in if they had any sort of problems.

Sarah, his handler, had stepped away to point a guest in the direction of the Haunted Mansion and the PhotoPass CM was trying to help the last group of guests with their MagicBand, which for some reason wasn't scanning the right way. You'd think his last Cast Member, the one counting the line and making sure everyone had their autograph books ready, would at least be noticing that something was up, but no. It was a busy day and she seemed to be frantically trying to get the crowd moving as a giant hoard of teenagers was causing some sort of ruckus, which made it the perfect moment for this woman to basically get away with whatever she wanted. A pirate's word against hers.