Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

All Apologies

June 8th 2024
One Week Later
Olivia Flowers' Point of View
Dear Diary,
    Okay, it's been a while since I've written anything but I've been quite busy-ish. When I'm not eating ridiculous food, I seem to be throwing up that ridiculous food, or sleeping. Every day I'm a little bit closer to giving birth, and every day I'm a little more scared. That word is becoming scary. Anything about babies is becoming horrifying. I'm 24 weeks pregnant which is over half way and I'm getting close to my third trimester. I mean, I'm married, having a baby, and I'm not even an adult. I feel like a child who's somehow having a child.
Statistically, 8/10 teenage fathers will not marry the mother of their child and 3/10 teenage girls will get pregnant at least once before they're 20. It's amazing what the lack of condoms can do to a woman.

In other news, my moms cancer, I wish I actually knew something about it. We know she has lung cancer but she pretends everything is fine. She shows close to no symptoms except all she does is sleep because of the drugs and chemo. For the first time in a long time, I wish is for her to be okay. She may be a bitch but that doesn't mean she deserves death. Death is something inevitable but it shouldn't be something to crawl up on you and eat you slowly when you still have so much life to live.

           Sincerely,
                    Olivia Flowers

I toss my diary on my desk and slowly get up off of my bed. I walk down to the living room where my dad is sitting on the couch, with his head in his hands.

"You okay, Dad?" I ask walking to him slowly. He quickly shakes off the look of exhaustion and smiles.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just waiting for your mom. I got her a gift. It was a little impulsive."

"Oh no. What did you do?"

"So, I was in town getting groceries and someone was outside with a box."

"Dad, that's so sketchy!"

"But look how cute he is!" He pulls a small fluffy kitten from a cardboard box. His little body dangles as he attempts to meow.

"You got a cat?!"

"I got a kitten!"

"That's the same thing! Just younger!"

"Look how cute he is though. Your mom will love him and we need some cute positivity around here." A sigh escapes from me but the kitten is pretty damn cute.

The front door unlocks during the middle of this kitten talk. Dad puts the kitten behind his back and walks over to the front door. My mom walks in with her purse and keys dangling from her hand. I sit back with my metaphorical popcorn to see how this will play out.

"Okay, so I'm not sure if you're gonna like this or not." My dad says to her.

"Oh what did you do?" She immediately says, going to the worst possible situation. He shows her the kitten and she drops her purse and keys.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S SO CUTE!" She takes the kitten and squeezes him.

"Babe, don't kill him."

She lets go of her grip and holds him in the air. "I'm gonna name him Theodore."

"Theodore?"

"Theo for short! He's so precious omg where did you get him?!"

"Uh...parking lot of a grocery store."

"Shelters exist for a reason Joe."

"But look how cute!"

"Fine, you are forgiven for getting a cat from a sketchy grocery store parking lot."

I watch as she takes the kitten and sits on the couch. A loud meow escapes from Theodore as he's being held.

"He's talking to me! Aw mama loves you so much." It makes me smile to see her happy. She never seems to show any emotion anymore. Plus, the cat is pretty cute.

• • •

2 a.m heartburn and nausea is my favorite part of the night. It only makes me feel like I'm gonna die on the inside. I can hear the crickets chirping loudly outside my window as the night dreads on. I get out of my bed and walk downstairs into the kitchen. I fill up a glass of water and chug it down while chewing some antacids. As I wait for the Tums to dissolve, I hear someone in the bathroom. We all have our own bathroom, why is someone in the main bathroom?

I walk over and see the light on with the door slightly cracked. I open it slowly and peer in. This is gonna be awkward if someone is going to the bathroom.

"Mom?" I see her head in the toilet as she throws up harshly. I quietly sigh and walk over to her. I wrap my hands around her hair and hold it above her so she doesn't get her hair dirty. After a couple minutes she leans back and sits criss cross on the floor. I let go of her hair but when I do, a large chunk stays in my hand.

I look at the large clump hair in my hand, which is notoriously known for its beauty. Her hair is falling out. She's fallen into that unlucky category of people who lose their hair.

"Was that my hair?" She asks with tears starting to fall.

"No, no, just...just some thread from your pajamas." I attempt to reassure her but I'm sure she knows the truth.

"Oh okay." She leans against the wall of the bathroom as she begins to catch her breath. I quickly stuff the hair in the pockets of my pajamas.

"Are you okay?" I ask again.

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine." She tells me being very unconvincing. I decide to sit down on the floor next to her.

"Why are you in here and not your own bathroom." I ask.

She sighs and looks down at the floor. "I didn't want your dad to see me like this. He's trying so hard to make this all okay, I don't....I want him to think I'm okay."

"It's okay, to not be okay."

"Please, Liv...just let it go."

"Mom, you don't have to try so hard to pretend you're not miserable."

"I'm not miserable, I'm-I'm in a temporary state of suffering."

"That sounds like the same thing. Benji and Jules, they're not babies anymore. You don't need to protect them from it. They don't even know what's going on, they feel lied to which is so much more damaging. Feeling lied to hurts. Especially when you're a child."

"I just want to protect my family."

"Lying isn't protecting." I take her hand from the floor and hold it.

"I spent so long hating you, I'm sorry." I quietly admit.

"It's okay, I deserved it."

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Author's Note:
Your daily dose of depression brought to you by Brooke.

Song: All apologies-Nirvana

Next chapter has a B99 reference 😆