Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

Dear Agony

August 10th 2024
5 Days Later
Taylor Swift's Point Of View
I'm in my usual state. Depressed, unforgiving, death. My day is the same, painful. We tried to do that thing where every day I feel better, I put a rock in the jar. It's supposed to help me feel better...long story short I got pissed and threw a rock at the jar. We no longer have that jar. I made it clear where it stands in this household/hospital room. Oh yeah, Joe and I are also kinda having a...small debate at the moment.

"YOU DUMBASS, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!" Joe absolutely screams at me.

"It's not your choice. It's okay, I'll be okay." I speak calmly.

"What about me?! What about the rest of the family? What about Olivia, Juliet, Benjamin? What about us? Sure, you'll be okay. But what about the millions of people who care and love you? What about your dad? What about us? What about us?"

"What about me? What about my life? I'm in pain. Please just let me go." I begin to slightly cry.

"I can't loose you!" Joe yells.

I look towards the door where Olivia and Lucas are standing. "Is this a bad time...or?" Olivia speaks quietly.

"It's a bad time." I say.

"No no. Come in. You should hear this." Joe gestures for them to come.

"What's happening?" Olivia says walking in.

"Your mother is turning down a life saving surgery because she hates us or something I don't fucking know."

"That's not true. What's happening is that the doctors offered a surgery that could potentially cure me. I turned it down. I want to meet my grandson."

"What do you mean? Do the surgery now! The longer you wait, your odds are just gonna get worse. Right?"

"The doctors told me I'll most likely die. I wanna meet your baby." I tell them with a small sigh. I can see guilt filling her guts. Acting like it's all her fault.

"I'm like 35 weeks. I'll just induce labor or something." She tries to find a way to convince me but it's not working well.

"Your baby could die if he's born that early. He'll have to spend weeks in the hospital. Don't put your child's life at risk because of a surgery that will kill me."

"But it won't kill you!"

"You don't know that. I've accepted it. I'm going to die and it's time the rest of you to accept it."

"Why are you willing to give up decades of your life when you have a perfectly fine solution? You already signed the DNR." Joe steps up and talks to me like he's trying to convince me to come back over the rails of the Golden Gate Bridge.

"Because I want to just end it already. You're the one who said treatment I do should always be a choice."

"THEN WHY WON'T YOU CHOSE THIS?!" He screams at me as he begins to cry. The tension becomes so thick to where you could cut it with a knife.

"Taylor, when I said you should be able to choose your treatment, I meant like chemo or immunotherapy. Not voluntarily choosing death. I can't-my worst fear is living a life where you're not in it." I see Olivia and Lucas in the corner of my eye, awkwardly backing away and leaving the room.

"Joe, it's not me you're trying to save. It's yourself. You don't need to protect me."

Joe sits down next to my bed and just begins to sob uncontrollably. "Please don't leave me. Please. I beg of you, please don't do this." My eyes begin to swell up as a few tears drip down my face.